We live in a house that my husband’s grandparents built in 1927—eons before building codes regulated things like staircases.
So our basement stairs were so steep that if you didn’t duck, you would smack your head into the underside of the staircase above that goes to the dormer attic.
My husband and a friend modified the basement stairs to make them less steep, but we still have to tilt our heads slightly to one side to avoid smacking into the wood above. We do this intuitively, much in the same way that you intuitively reach for the coffee in the same place in your cupboard or your sunglasses where you keep them in your car console. Muscle memory. Intuition. We don’t have to think about it.
I haven’t smacked my head while walking down our basement stairs in years. Interestingly, we intuitively also warn new visitors to “watch your head” when walking down the stairs. It’s the first thing we say when walking before them down the stairs. Watch your head.
Today when I was walking down the stairs and tipping my head to one side like I always do, I thought about sex.
I know, right? Us sex bloggers. We’re a strange bunch. Anyway, I thought about how sexy and passionate it is in a marriage when a husband and wife have grown to understand each other so well sexually that they intuitively know the specific touches and techniques to arouse each other. I’m not talking about just going through the motions. That is something entirely different and far less appealing.
What I am talking about is a sexual excitement rooted in genuinely knowing each other sexually. The pathway to sexual arousal and intense pleasure is paved with so many touch stones. A husband and wife spend countless sexual encounters learning how the slightest of adjustment in a touch, position, word or kiss can dramatically change arousal for the better.
It is erotic and reassuring at the same time to be known sexually—and to know another sexually.
Yes, spontaneity and embarking on new sexual techniques have their place as well. Definitely. But I like the intuition aspect just as much. I sometimes crave these sexual encounters—the ones brimming with a sweet expectation of what is coming. Muscle memory sex. It can be profoundly reassuring to feel so safe and so vulnerable and so free within sexual intimacy.
Does sex in your marriage have this intuitive aspect? Do you as a husband know just how to run your finger tips along the side of her breast? Do you as a wife know just how to kiss his neck or caress him gently on his inner thigh? What is it that turns your spouse on? What is it that piques your sexual response?
Is there intuition in your lovemaking? There’s so much to be said for an eager anticipation of knowing what is coming and yet still being wildly excited even though you know.
Maybe I’ll always think about these sorts of things when I walk down my basement stairs and lean my head ever so slightly to the right. Maybe.
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