7 Sexual Tips for Empty Nesters Whose Adult Kids Are Back Home


empty-nesters-and-sexAre you an empty nester whose adult children are back at home? If so, you’re not alone, especially as of late with this coronavirus pandemic.

The pandemic has brought a lot of young adults back into the fold of their parents’ home temporarily.

Many colleges and workplaces have shut down, and either these young people have no other place to go or their parents would just assume have them home.

One of the perks, of course, of being an empty nester is you don’t have to be quiet when you have sex. You could even have sex anyplace in the house, also without having to worry about how loud you’re being while in the throes of passion.

So what’s an empty nester to do when the nest is anything but empty? What are some sex tips now that your adult kids are around?

1. Don’t stop having sex

Whatever you do, don’t give up your sexual intimacy. Just don’t do it. The two of you need that connection with each other—maybe even more so now with the added household activity and potential stress of extra people in your home.

You are used to having alone time with each other all the time. Making love may now be one of the few times you actually get alone time. It’s sacred. Nurture it and protect it and pursue it. Whatever you do, don’t stop having sex.

2. Be discreet

If you are used to walking around scantily clad and enjoying an afternoon delight in the family room with only the dog nearby, you obviously need to adjust your boundaries a bit with your current household situation.

Be discreet. Use the bedroom door and the lock. Keep your clothes on in all the common areas of the house. (I’m guessing you don’t need me to point out things like this, but it’s worth mentioning anyway.)

3. Keep everything in perspective

I totally get why you’re feeling a bit more inhibited considering the circumstances. Maybe you have a small house or maybe you don’t, but either way, the kids are in close proximity and you wonder what (if anything) they can hear, even if your bedroom door is closed.

A few things to keep in perspective…

They certainly are old enough to know their parents have sex. It’s no big secret. 

If they actually do hear you having sex, it’s highly unlikely they’ll ever acknowledge it to you. Not exactly the type of conversation they are eager to bring up at the breakfast table. So while it is causing you angst wondering if they can hear you, I doubt they are making mental notes to address the whole matter with you the next time they see you.

You are a married couple having sex discreetly in your own home behind a closed bedroom door. You’re not doing anything wrong. Contrary to popular fodder, you aren’t scarring anyone. If anything, you should consider it a parenting win that you are setting a godly example. Would it really be that bad if your adult children knew you had a healthy sexual connection? Hmmm. Food for thought.

Keep everything in perspective, my friends. Keep everything in perspective.

4. Turn on a radio or TV

If you want to drowned out the sound of passion, add some background noise to the encounter. Turn on a TV or a radio in your room. This is quite effective, even more so if your adult children are in another area of the house also with a TV on.

If you have a bathroom in your master bedroom, turn on the shower. That can add some white noise to your sexual encounter, easing your concerns about what the kids will hear.

Plus, if you have the radio, TV or shower on, your adult children may likely think you’re doing those things rather than having sex. That may give you some peace of mind, helping you relax and enjoy pleasure to the fullest.

5. Get creative with pleasure

Is your bed super squeaky? Pile a bunch of pillows on the floor and have sex on the floor. Or get creative using the edge of the bed or by taking turns pleasuring each other. Oral sex and pleasuring each other with your hands can be less physically noisy than intercourse.

Granted, you still probably don’t want to scream in ecstasy at the top of your lungs, but at least some of these other sexual techniques are not as physically demanding (and thus less noisy).

Another option for creativity would be taking a shower together. Not ideal for intercourse (depending on the shower), but it can be a great environment for using your hands if you have some oil involved.

And yet another option is mutual masturbation, whereby you masturbate, either at the same time or taking turns and watching each other.

Making love on the bed is not the only way to enjoy sexual pleasure with your spouse. Get creative.

6. Make the most of when the kids are gone

I’m guessing even if your adult children are living under your roof, they aren’t there 24/7. (Although I recognize that when they are gone may not exactly be the best time for you and your spouse to have sex).

I’m just saying that if you are in a pattern of having sex only at night, start paying close attention to when you have windows of opportunity throughout the day when your adult children are gone. Relatively speaking, a lot of good sex can be had in 30 minutes. Again, get creative.

7. Be quieter

If you are super concerned or nervous about how vocally loud you are during sex, the most obvious solution would be just to adjust your own volume as much as you possibly can.

If you don’t want your children to hear how much you are enjoying an orgasm, then scream into a pillow or bite your lip or just try to dial it all back a notch.

A good thing to keep in mind too is that you may think you’re being super loud, but in reality, you might not be as loud as you think. And like I said earlier, even if your adult children hear something, it’s doubtful they are going to confront you about it.

Years ago, I was having lunch with my mom and sister-in-law, and I asked what they thought was the hardest thing about parenting. Without skipping a beat, my sister-in-law said matter-of-factly, “Quiet sex.” We all laughed. She, of course, was talking about parenting younger children, but I suppose the same can be said when adult children are living at home.

This virus chaos has a lot of kids returning home. And in some homes, of course, adult children were already there (or had never left). It has nothing to do with a pandemic.

No matter how it came to be that these kiddos you created are still under your roof, the above tips are vital if you are going to stay sexually connected.

If you remember only one tip, please let it be tip #1. Don’t stop having sex.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

And I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage!  You can find out all about it at this link:  Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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4 thoughts on “7 Sexual Tips for Empty Nesters Whose Adult Kids Are Back Home

  1. Susan says:

    I completely agree with all the advice here, but may I take an alternative tack?

    If the kids are adults and aware that you’re a great couple who enjoys sex, I wouldn’t be at all worried about the noise. Have at it.

    It’s a fantastic, wonderful act and the noises and orgasms that are part of it are wonderful.

    We have been in the presence of others (doors closed) and it’s been wonderful. And yes, we were heard or heard. We might even make it a competition!

  2. Afriend says:

    Julie, thank you, God bless you and your husband and may your love grow stronger for each other in spite of it being such a difficult time for you.

    Thank you for continuing to share so personally even though things seem so bad just now. Praying.

  3. DANIEL HOBSON says:

    Julie, thank you for your humanity! I hope better days will soon find you ecstatic with glee!
    I love your encouragement, after 41 years of marriage, I still have yet to be properly satisfied by my wife. She is unable or unwilling to learn how to do anything with any part of my body or hers. She seems willing enough, but can never remember the good spots, but always remember and returns to the bad ones! I am grieving for my marriage, aching for intimacy. I love her dearly, but do not feel loved back in an intimate way.

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