Occasionally, I hear from someone who is frustrated that something I’ve written won’t work in their marriage.
They assume I just don’t get it or that I am insensitive to their plight of what’s happening or not happening sexually in their marriage. My advice rings hollow for their marriage on whatever it is I’m focusing upon.
But here’s the deal.
I believe most of you already know this, but it’s probably not a bad idea that I actually point it out—when I write about sex in marriage, I am nearly always doing so for the rule rather than the exception.
It would be an arduous task to try to address every circumstance in every marriage. Sex in marriage involves a lot of moving parts, figuratively and literally. It stands to reason that while there are some broad themes and threads that generally are true across the landscape of marriage, they may not necessarily be true for your marriage.
Let’s take penis size, for example. I could say size doesn’t matter. What’s important is how you as a couple adjust and accommodate and learn each other’s bodies so that sex is enjoyable. And that is true for the vast majority of marriages.
But for some couples, penis size is causing all kinds of difficulties, maybe even some difficulties that make intercourse impossible. And whatever wisdom I shared just isn’t going to ease that struggle.
Or I could write a post expressing that once you have had an orgasm, you’ll see how important that kind of pleasure is to your marriage. You’ll appreciate and pursue orgasms! And that is true for the vast majority of marriages. But then I will hear from a few wives who tell me they’ve had plenty of orgasms, but it doesn’t matter. They still are fairly indifferent about such pleasure.
When I write, I do so for the rule rather than the exception. But hear me when I say that I know there are exceptions. I do. I know that what I write could be true for most, but not true for all.
That’s why you’ll often hear me express in posts the importance of gleaning. You have to glean and discern what applies to your marriage and then let the rest go. Sometimes that means you’ll have to let an entire post go. (I say the same thing about any books you read about sex in marriage. Glean. Glean. Glean.)
When I am writing for the rule rather than the exception, sometimes I will occasionally give a nod to the exception. I will mention it. Whether I do that or not, though, I imagine that with every post I write, there is likely someone reading who feels left out.
Not heard. Alone. Still searching for answers.
My heart is never to leave you feeling alone in the struggle.
Fortunately, this is where technology can prove to be quite the asset. For all the drawbacks of technology, we can’t deny that it has given us oodles of access to information. So if you can’t find helpful answers in one blog post, you can search your particular struggle, and you will more than likely find helpful guidance somewhere.
And if there is a topic you would like me to address regarding sexual intimacy in marriage, by all means, please let me know. I will give it my best shot.
I generally write for the rule, but I’m open to exploring the exceptions—especially when it comes to sex!
And I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage! You can find out all about it at this link: Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.