I’ve been reflecting on what makes some orgasms more intense than others. (That’s what sex bloggers do. We reflect on things like this).
And I’m obviously not just a sex blogger. I’m a wife! And I sure do likey me a good orgasm! I likey a great orgasm even better!
While lots of factors come into play as far as making orgasms intense, I think the below 3 tips certainly help.
1. Coming to bed clean.
What. In. The. World? What does cleanliness have to do with better orgasmic pleasure? A lot, in my opinion.
I doubt there are scientific studies on this, but I believe when both spouses come to bed freshly showered and teeth brushed and overall smelling good, the inhibitions go way down — our inhibitions about our own body and our inhibitions about our spouse’s body.
Lowered inhibitions = more sexual confidence and freedom = more intense orgasms.
Some science person should figure out a way to study something like this. Don’t wait for the research, though. Do your own research! Maybe even shower together before sex?! That can be great foreplay.
Which brings me to tip #2…
2. Longer and varied foreplay.
While I don’t think actual intercourse always comes naturally (especially early in a marriage), I do think foreplay usually does. God designed our bodies for arousal.
When we are with someone we love and for whom we have romantic feelings and the sentiment is mutual, arousal doesn’t have to be invited to the scene. It just shows up. And if we pay it any attention, it becomes the life of the party that is almost impossible to ignore.
Tingly feelings. Warmth. Butterflies in the stomach. And of course, there are often more obvious sexual responses, like a man’s penis becoming firm and a woman’s vagina becoming wet.
I think back to when my husband and I were dating and it was difficult for us to keep our hands off each other, even if we had established boundaries. We were drawn to each other. We were easily aroused by just the thought of what we wanted to do, even if we weren’t going to do it until we were married. While we still experience a lot of that intensity now that we are married, I think early in a relationship gives a good glimpse of the power of arousal.
Once a man and woman are married, they have a green light on taking the foreplay to fruition. But let’s not lose sight of the truth that the foreplay itself is still incredibly important. It has value. It’s worth savoring and mastering.
When you think about foreplay with your spouse, what does that look like for the two of you? Have you fallen into predictable patterns? Do you rush? Do you always do the same touches and same approaches? Is it not as long as it could be?
When we draw foreplay out and include a variety of touches, including new types of touches, the anticipation builds. The pleasure builds.
There’s something to be said for getting your spouse right to the edge of coming and then backing off a little simply by varying a touch and then bringing them back to the edge again and then eventually helping them climax intensely.
If the two of you learn to master this, your orgasms will be amazing.
3. Show and tell what you want.
This isn’t about demanding certain sex acts. Your sexual pleasure should never come at the expense of physically or emotionally hurting your spouse.
God does, however, give a husband and wife tremendous freedom to bring each other sexual pleasure. We would be careless with our vows if we didn’t take this aspect of marriage to heart.
What I mean by “show and tell what you want” is that sexual intimacy should be rooted in enough safety and trust that you can be extremely vulnerable with each other’s desires. Do you and your spouse have the vulnerability and confidence to learn each other’s bodies? It is hard to completely understand your spouse’s body and sexual arousal without them telling you and showing you what feels good.
And let’s not forget that what we each find arousing may change over time, considering health and physical changes as we age and/or what we have discovered along the way that we find arousing.
No two people are alike. I could say all wives like their nipples played with, but that would be a naive over-generalization. I could say all husbands like fingernails on their back, but I would be assuming too much.
Want more intense orgasms? Want your spouse to have more intense orgasms? Then make it your “normal” that you ask each other what feels good, you try different touches, you tell your spouse what feels good, you give and receive feedback. It’s a delicious marriage-long communication loop of love, passion and arousal.
What other tips would you suggest for more intense orgasms? The above three are a good start, but certainly we can come up with more? Share in the comments.
And don’t forget to find oodles of ideas on my page that is FULL of posts on orgasm.
For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts.
Oh and I have a 5 video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage! You can find out all about it at this link: Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.
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