When I was young, I was super self-conscious about my looks. Red hair. Freckles. Awkward. Pale skin.
I remember at an internship I had during college, we could wear shorts in the summer on Saturdays. I would never do this, because I was so embarrassed by my fair-skinned legs.
I wouldn’t have been able to hold a tan even if I had slathered a vat of Hawaiian Tropic on my legs and baked in the sun for a week.
And I certainly wouldn’t have been called up to grace the cover of Cosmo… well, at least not without all the photoshopping every other woman on that magazine gets. (Insert sarcastic smile here).
I barely know how to put makeup on correctly. I’m sure it’s not correctly, but I’m nearly 50 and don’t seem overly interested to learn at this point.
All that aside, do you know what? I think I’m totally hot in bed. Completely sexy and confident and without a care in the world about whether I would measure up to movie star looks.
It hasn’t always been this way, mind you, but I’m increasingly comfortable in my own skin.
There’s something attractive about sexual confidence.
Don’t take my word for it, though. I hear from plenty of husbands who tell me that it saddens them that their wives lack sexual confidence, mostly because they struggle with poor body image. These are husbands who have been affirming their wives, but the affirmations fall on deaf ears.
So these wives hide. Not literally (although, kind of in some cases. I’ve heard from women who say they never have sex with any light in the room or with their body exposed for their husband to see fully).
So I guess there is some literal hiding going on.
But I also was thinking of the kind of hiding that’s a bit more subtle, yet still damaging to healthy sexual intimacy. Have you as a wife ever been reluctant to thoroughly pursue sex with your husband and/or enjoy it unabashedly, all because you are consumed with crushing self-doubt? You just don’t think you’re sexy and it’s really tripping you up in the bedroom.
Hear my heart when I say you are not alone.
(Little side note here, but good for me to say it — if your husband isn’t one of the nice guys and has actually fanned the flames of your self doubt with negative comments about your body, then all I cay say and pray is that I hope someone crosses his path with this admonishment… “Bro. Check your heart. Go do a deep dive into Ephesians 5:25 and come back when you can show us all what it means.” Girlfriend, you ARE beautiful and he is lame for not seeing it. That’s on him. Don’t pick up his hurt and carry it with you.)
My hunch is that many of you reading this have nice husbands, not crappy mean ones. Yet you still aren’t believing what your nice husband is saying about your body and about how he finds you sexually attractive.
So what’s a wife to do?
Well, a good place to start is not only believing what your groom is saying about you, but also what God says about you. He thinks you are amazing. And not just what God says about you, but also what He says about SEX!
Sexual intimacy in marriage is meant to be this beautiful sacred place where we have freedom within our exclusivity to embrace sexual passion and sexual confidence to the fullest. God designed sexual pleasure for both a husband and and a wife, and He delights when you seek intimate connection.
It’s really a form of a worship.
When you as a married couple are intentional about your intimacy and you trust the safe arena of your covenant, amazing sexual things happen. Profound. Crazy good. Off the charts.
If you’re being a roadblock to all that, have you asked yourself if it’s worth it? I’m not piling on any guilt here, but rather I’m shining a big ol’ light on opportunity. Opportunity to grow in your sexual confidence. Opportunity to learn more about your sexual response and your husband’s sexual response, so you can enthusiastically treasure these sexual moments rather than avoid them.
Opportunity to love sex rather than downplay it.
Do you think you’re sexy in bed? If not, will you start today to unravel that skewed thinking? Your marriage will be better for it. YOU will be better for it.
I totally think you are sexy in bed and I don’t even know you. I just know that if you are married and if you and your husband place high value on nurturing passionate sexual connection, you just can’t go wrong.
Sexual confidence is about attitude. It’s not about being frozen by our past or hung up about our body type.
So what’s a wife to do? More specifically, what are you going to do?
For more reading on overcoming body image struggles, check out all the fabulous posts I have on this page. Seriously. So many posts. Worth the read. There are also several good insights on orgasm at this link.
Until next time, here’s to great sexual confidence!
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.