Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

“I Want Someone to Come Alive When They Lay Eyes on Me”

That’s a line from Dolly Parton’s song, “Somebody’s Everything.”

I’m not sure if the entire song is spot on, but this line — this line — goes straight to my heart whenever I hear it.

“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”


Because I do. I do want my husband to come alive when he lays eyes on me.

And it has little to do with vanity.  For me it is as much (if not more) about emotional desire than physical desire.

I’m not going to say physical attraction has nothing to do with it, because… well… that would be a lie.

Deep intimate connection can’t be confined to sexual arousal, but let’s face it — sexual arousal is a pretty nice aspect of lovemaking.

“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”

So here’s the problem.

By its very nature, marriage breeds comfort and familiarity, which is its own kind of awesome for sure. I mean who among us doesn’t appreciate the kind of knowing that comes after years of doing life together? There’s a haven there that is invaluable.

That haven compelled me to write one of favorite posts of all time — What is Better Than Falling In Love.

BUT comfort and familiarity easily can drift into relational complacency on all fronts — emotionally, spiritually, sexually.

To the depth that I am drawn to authenticity in a marriage, I’m equally distraught by complacency — in my own marriage and in the marriages of other people, particularly people for whom I care deeply.

“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”

Do you and your spouse still come alive when you lay eyes on each other?

That’s a painful question for some of you, I know.  Painful question within my own marriage, as of late.  I think I must have an eagle eye for this kind of dynamic.  When I am aware of it within my own home I am particularly sensitive to the fact it happens in other homes as well.

And please know, I am not naive. I realize it takes intentional effort to keep a marriage thriving, whether we are talking about vulnerable conversation, sexual initiation, date nights, general courtesies or hand holding.

Passion with our words, servanthood or bodies will never — literally never — be an urgency unless we treat it as such.

Yes, there is grace and maturity that do sustain us in marriage, my own included, when times of disconnect are showing up more often than we could anticipate.  BUT — and this is important — we can’t lose sight of the role genuine desire plays.  As long as we are married, I’m convinced we cannot lose sight of this.

“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”

If you read that line — that lyric from a song — and it stirs your heart, why is that?

Does it leave you feeling melancholy and grieved or does it inspire you?  Is it commentary on unmet longings in your marriage or on regular fulfillments?

Regardless of how you answer the questions, know that the longings in marriage speak profoundly about God’s design of marriage and of sex. 1 Corinthians 7 as well as the entire book of Song of Songs offer us tremendous insight into God’s heart for marital intimacy.

“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”

Not sure if Dolly Parton has read Song of Songs, but with a lyric like that, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Are you and your spouse coming alive when you lay eyes on each other?

Copyright 2017, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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November 28th, 2017 by