authentic, marriage problems, passion, Uncategorized
“I Want Someone to Come Alive When They Lay Eyes on Me”
Nov
That’s a line from Dolly Parton’s song, “Somebody’s Everything.”
I’m not sure if the entire song is spot on, but this line — this line — goes straight to my heart whenever I hear it.
“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”
Why?
Because I do. I do want my husband to come alive when he lays eyes on me.
And it has little to do with vanity. For me it is as much (if not more) about emotional desire than physical desire.
I’m not going to say physical attraction has nothing to do with it, because… well… that would be a lie.
Deep intimate connection can’t be confined to sexual arousal, but let’s face it — sexual arousal is a pretty nice aspect of lovemaking.
“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”
So here’s the problem.
By its very nature, marriage breeds comfort and familiarity, which is its own kind of awesome for sure. I mean who among us doesn’t appreciate the kind of knowing that comes after years of doing life together? There’s a haven there that is invaluable.
That haven compelled me to write one of favorite posts of all time — What is Better Than Falling In Love.
BUT comfort and familiarity easily can drift into relational complacency on all fronts — emotionally, spiritually, sexually.
To the depth that I am drawn to authenticity in a marriage, I’m equally distraught by complacency — in my own marriage and in the marriages of other people, particularly people for whom I care deeply.
“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”
Do you and your spouse still come alive when you lay eyes on each other?
That’s a painful question for some of you, I know. Painful question within my own marriage, as of late. I think I must have an eagle eye for this kind of dynamic. When I am aware of it within my own home I am particularly sensitive to the fact it happens in other homes as well.
And please know, I am not naive. I realize it takes intentional effort to keep a marriage thriving, whether we are talking about vulnerable conversation, sexual initiation, date nights, general courtesies or hand holding.
Passion with our words, servanthood or bodies will never — literally never — be an urgency unless we treat it as such.
Yes, there is grace and maturity that do sustain us in marriage, my own included, when times of disconnect are showing up more often than we could anticipate. BUT — and this is important — we can’t lose sight of the role genuine desire plays. As long as we are married, I’m convinced we cannot lose sight of this.
“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”
If you read that line — that lyric from a song — and it stirs your heart, why is that?
Does it leave you feeling melancholy and grieved or does it inspire you? Is it commentary on unmet longings in your marriage or on regular fulfillments?
Regardless of how you answer the questions, know that the longings in marriage speak profoundly about God’s design of marriage and of sex. 1 Corinthians 7 as well as the entire book of Song of Songs offer us tremendous insight into God’s heart for marital intimacy.
“I want someone to come alive when they lay eyes on me.”
Not sure if Dolly Parton has read Song of Songs, but with a lyric like that, it wouldn’t surprise me.
Are you and your spouse coming alive when you lay eyes on each other?
Copyright 2017, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
Never want to miss one of my posts? Subscribe via email on this page. And be sure to join my more than 9,000 followers on my Facebook page and 10,000 followers on Twitter.
I am 46 now me and my wife have been together since we were 14, she left me for a month a few years ago and had an affair plus talk real bad about me and to me, she made me cry every night for 41/2 months before she left (and I’m not one to cry).
My daughter and granddaughters had to come in my Room and check on me make sure I was ok, I tried to commit suicide twice the 3rd time I Called my doctor and got help .
When she came back she said she didn’t love me or care for me and I had to change everything about Me to win the love of my life back. We went to marriage counseling and about 2 years later she says she’s love’s me again promised to work on our marriage but she’s done nothing that you promised she would do still can’t talk to me or carry on a conversation or work out our problems in a healthy way, Without being sarcastic or giving guilt trips. I love this woman more than my very own breath and sometimes it feels like she’s just there and going through the motions. She’s always had a bad problem with lying tho me (about anything & it makes it hard to believe her) I want everything to work out I want her to love me like I love her and I’m stuck.When she left she talk to guys at work about things married woman shouldn’t talk about with anybody let alone guys!!!! What can or should I do???
This was posted for discussion in our forums! Thank you!
I have experienced some of those same things. Been married nearly 4 decades. Don’t know if my wife loves me but well, it’s been,, 4 decades. We all have sin and need the grace of Jesus Christ . Wife is narcissistic and sociopathic, so the relational things emphasized here aren’t truly operable, but oh how I keep hoping and praying.
Roger, stop hoping and praying. You’re married and miserable. You’ve reached the very common state of a roommate marriage. It’s a marriage in name only. I wish you could legally leave intact, but you can’t. The court will wipe you out, give your wife goods and assets she never earned. There’s always football, I guess. You could warn the younger fellas about marriage…
David A, how low is your self-esteem? WHY would you let yourself be abused and neglected by a woman like you have? When a mule kicks you, do you hope they come back and do it again? The trendy term is to grow a spine. I don’t think you have one. Your wife treats you like garbage because you LET HER. Good grief, man, stand up for yourself.
I’ve solved the problem of a dead marriage! How, you ask? Because attraction and passion are REQUIRED in my marriage. Remember when you were dating? How wonderful love seemed? You know why? Because you couldn’t afford to lose it or your partner would LEAVE. You didn’t dare let affection and attraction fade. When you marry, you allow complacency to enter the relationship and only the man has something to lose (his kids, his car, his home, his retirement…). In my case, it’s mandatory that the love and passion be present in my relationship or we dissolve it. Marriage is not a prison and the way to prevent it from becoming that is to make it clear that either person will leave if it does.