This is Why I Have Sex

Our youngest cub screamed “MOM!!” at the top of his lungs. (And I was a mere 20 feet away, mind you).

Obviously, I was going to walk into the living room and find a severed limb (which has never happened in my house) or a broken big screen TV (which has happened in my house. But that’s a story for another time).

Takes a lot to rattle me, but I got up from my chair at my desk and nonchalantly responded to what must be a life-or-death situation.


It was dog puke.

There’s much truth in that saying that once a woman becomes a mother, her tolerance for gross stuff goes way up.

Out of necessity.  Out of frequency of said scenarios.

Out of reality that as her tolerance is rising, the tolerance of every other capable person in the house seems to systematically plummet.

So I pulled the carpet cleaning machine from the closet to clean up dog puke from carpet that I think was installed in the early 80s. (That’s no lie.)

Always the optimist, I rationalized it was a good time to clean the carpet anyway, because there were already muddy prints on it.  (Thanks to the pup. And the rain.)

What could all this possibly have to do with sex?

Well, nothing directly per se.  I mean, after all, cleaning up dog puke hardly could be considered foreplay, even with the loosest definitions of foreplay.

BUT, life is messy, right?

And it’s more often messy than it is crisp and clean.  Messy hearts. Messy emotions.  Messy calendars. Messy floors. Messy jobs. So on and so forth.  You know what I’m talking about.

And I have found that sexual intimacy with my husband helps me keep sane amidst all that mess.

Sex builds our resilience to weather the ups and downs of life, the annoying inconveniences (dog puke), the debilitating tragedies (grief, loss, confusion), and the crazy-making that just comes with being human.

And with being married.

This is why I have sex.  Much more than the biblical command behind it, but rather because sexually connecting with the man I love gives me perspective.

Keeps me grounded.

Reassures my heart.

Helps me not be derailed by life’s messiness.

I think God just knew — He knew that when a husband and wife mutually and respectfully and intentionally treasure each other intimately, they would find solace there.  They would be rejuvenated by their sexual oneness in unexpected ways.

So I cleaned up the dog puke. Marveled at my now somewhat-clean 1980s carpet.

And felt grateful my husband and I had made love last night.  God must have known I needed it.

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

4 thoughts on “This is Why I Have Sex

  1. Her guy says:

    Amen! Amen! Amen!
    SO well stated — thank you for so clearly stating something that’s so important but so easy to lose in the noise + clutter.

    We’ve had a couple days like that – well no, really a couple years like that – noisy, cluttered, emotionally challenging – and have been blessed to find love reassurance and peace together like you two have.

    Praise the Lord! ( … and pass the lube … wait no, that’s not how it goes, but you know what I mean, I hope … )

    Bless you + your home + your writing + ministry.

  2. Sean says:

    I really wish that women would heed this. Because one day, the kids will be grown, and a woman will want to have a relationship with the man who she may have ignored for 18-20 years, but he may no longer be interested.

  3. Alan says:

    What a GREAT post.

    I really liked…

    Life is “more often messy than it is crisp and clean. Messy hearts. Messy emotions. Messy calendars. Messy floors. Messy jobs. So on and so forth.”

    If we have to wait for life to be “not messy”, we’re going to wait a loooooooonnnnnnnggggg time. Needlessly.

    We really need to remember to make our intimate time together as a couple a priority even when life is messy.

    And I like what you said about it recharging us. It really does. We need to intentionally set aside time in the middle of life’s issues. If we don’t, life’s issues will crowd out the needed moments of joy together.

    Thanks again for a wonderful post.

  4. Living and loving with injury says:

    Calgon, take me away! Do you remember that commercial? Or am I showing my age! Lol

    I remember such retreats to my husbands arms when our children were young and quite capable of spreading surprises and chaos around in abundance.

    These retreats don’t happen so much now that they are grown, and that’s not the way I want it. I think as we move through life we might need to find new reasons to run for comfort in those loving arms.

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