intimacy, sexual intimacy, Uncategorized
What We Talked About in Bed Last Night
Apr
It was raining as we crawled beneath the sheets, the sound of water running down the gutter outside our window.
The song “Who’ll Stop the Rain” weaved its way into our conversation in the dark, as we laughed and cuddled and lay naked next to each other.
And we were trying to remember who sang that song originally.
(We also were trying to remember the first name of a kid who our oldest son played baseball with several years ago, which really had nothing to do with the rain song. But it helps paint a picture for you of the randomness of our conversation).
Anyway, in our attempt to remember the song, I racked my brain for other lyrics in it, but came up blank.
I rolled over and grabbed my phone and did a search. (For the love of God, what did we do before the internet?! Seriously.)
It’s Creedence Clearwater Revival, by the way. Released in 1970, the year I was born.
So we played the small portion of the song, and I tried to join in right before the clip ended, which my husband, laughing, unabashedly said, “You added nothing to it.”
So true. And we laughed about that.
What’s my point in sharing all this with you?
There’s something to be said for connecting with your husband before you drift off to sleep, regardless of whether you have sex.
(Although, I might add, we did make love after all this, if you can believe it. Maybe having finally identified CCR as the artist, not to mention my stellar vocal contribution, lent well to putting us in a playful mood. Midway through foreplay, I remembered the name of the kid our son played ball with and I mentioned it to my husband. Which, not gonna lie, seems kind of weird to think about now as I tell you.)
Anyway.
My beloved and I have had some of our most endearing conversations and connection in those moments between awake and asleep — the moments that are intensely personal, private and full of the kind of knowing that is harder to find in the busyness of daily life.
It’s sweet, sweet connection, and it’s one of the reasons we try on a regular basis to crawl into bed together.
I wrote a similar post about this awhile back, where I pleaded, “Keep me in the dark please.”
Do you and your husband try to go to bed together at the same time? I know it’s not always possible.
But strive toward it every now and then, okay? God offers you a profound opportunity in those moments between awake and asleep.
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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My wife and I often comment about this being our favorite part of the day. We lay in bed, usually with her head in my lap and my fingers in her hair or enjoying other non-sexual touch. We talk or read or just be still. It makes for beautiful connection, regardless of what follows.
What a lovely reminder! (Although I was nearly banging my head on my keyboard that you didn’t know it was CCR. Sorry, I’m a bit of a classic rock fan.)
We pretty much never go to sleep together. My husband is a bit nocturnal and he also is self employed. He will stay up until midnight watching shows, playing video games or working, while I am in bed trying to get some sleep. I get up two hours before he does to get our kids off to school and he doesn’t see our kids before they go to school. 30 minutes after the kids are gone, he waits for me to bring him coffee and then he expects me to be ready for sex. I’m usually not in the mood at this point, and I feel really detached from him. I’ve asked him before to try to go to bed with me, but he is really attached to this way of life since he has done it “this way” since he first started working over 20 years ago, and he doesn’t see the point. I’ve even told him that it may lead to sex, but he said if there isn’t a guarantee, he doesn’t see the point.
I personally believe going to bed together should be a priority for every husband. Why do I single out us husbands? Because we are designed to be the leaders in the home. We should therefore place our marriage above life’s distractions. My wife, in her Godly wisdom and with amazing gentleness, reminded me of this recently when she expressed that she felt like she was second place when I would browse the Web while we watched TV together. My thought was Hey, we’re just watching a show. To her, it was not being engaged in the time together. By going to bed together, I express to my wife that I want to be with her, whether the night ends with fireworks or snoring.