Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage is sharing today as part of my ongoing guest blog series on things that destroy sex in marriage.
For many of us, parenting does take a toll on sexual intimacy! Dustin offers great insights…
When we become parents, it’s super easy to put our kids at the center of our lives.
It all starts when they’re babies, and they legitimately require a major part of our time and attention.
As our kids get older, the tasks transition from diapers to baseball games to school projects and beyond, but the constant needs (and wants) of our children never cease.
It sounds innocent enough to pour everything you have into your kids, and you should rightfully be proud to be engaged and involved in the lives of your children.
But where does that leave your spouse in your list of priorities?
Put Your Kids Second…or Third!
The problem with putting your kids first is that it means you’re putting two other MORE important people after them when it comes to how you spend your time and energy.
If you’re a Christian like me, you should really strive to put God first and at the center of your life. When you do, prayer is a top priority and your faith is the rock from which you live and serve others.
Right after God should be your spouse – the one you vowed to love for life above all others. As a married couple, it’s your job to serve your spouse and to help your husband or wife get to heaven.
It’s no small task, and it requires that you put your marriage first…ahead of your role as a parent.
It may seem weird to say that your kids aren’t your top priority, but it makes a lot of sense when you consider what comes ahead of them.
As Christians, we have no greater responsibility than to pass along our faith and love of God to our children. And the best thing we can do to help our kids live happy and healthy lives is love our spouse well and model God’s love through our marriage.
How to Be a Great Parent and an Even Better Sexy Spouse
So, hopefully you can see now WHY you should put your vocation as husband or wife ahead of your role as parent.
But how do you put it into action?
Below are three simple actions you can take starting today to make it happen. It’s all about quality:
It’s super easy to get into a “Romantic Rut” after a few years of marriage, especially after kids come along. That’s why it’s more vital than ever that you consciously and proactively do something special to show your spouse affection.
The best way I’ve found to accomplish this is through a simple, heartfelt romantic love letter. When’s the last time you’’ve shared a love letter with your husband or wife?
To make it easy, we have a free Love Letter Checklist (click here to grab it) that hundreds of couples have used to reignite the romance. It only takes a few minutes and doesn’t cost you a dime.
When I’m asked for my #1 tip for married couples, especially new parents, it’s always to commit to 15 minutes each day of quality “Couple Time.”
While it doesn’t take much of your time (less than 1% of your day), the impact on your relationship will be profound!
If you’re ready to get started or just learn more, don’t miss this post on how to get your 15 Minutes of Couple Time each day – and what to do during this special time together.
Quality Sexual Expression
To this point, I’ve barely talked about the act of sex itself since so many aspects of “life” impact our sexual intimacy. However, I’m willing to bet that you and your spouse have faced some sexual challenges in your marriage. I haven’t met a couple yet who has not.
Whether it’s low libido, a lack of romance and anticipation, or a straight-up loss of passion between you, sexual challenges are real. But there is also help available to you!
Julie does an amazing job with many of these topics, so you can start your search right here on her blog.
At Engaged Marriage, our most popular program is called Intimacy Reignited. It’s a complete step-by-step guide to rekindling the passion and romance in your marriage.
You really can have it all – even after kids bring about all the joys and chaos of parenthood.
Just remember that you’ll be a better parent when you focus first and foremost on having great sex with your spouse!
Dustin Riechmann is the author of 15 Minute Marriage Makeover and creator of Engaged Marriage, a site devoted to helping other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen.
Dustin’s passion is providing practical tools that you can use to keep your marriage fresh and fully “engaged” even when life gets hectic. He’s been married for over 14 years to his best friend Bethany, and they are proud parents to three very energetic kids under the age of ten.
You deserve your dream marriage, and it’s Dustin’s mission to help you make it happen.
Never want to miss one of my posts? Subscribe via email on this page. And be sure to join my more than 9,000 followers on my Facebook page and 10,000 followers on Twitter.
Copyright 2015, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
One thought on “Is Parenting Destroying Sex in Your Marriage?”
Yes! And sadly, the older the kids get, the harder it gets. With two teens and a small house, it is hard to find time and relax enough for sex. I have a VERY modest husband, and he falls asleep long before our teens. He is a much lower drive spouse to begin with, so this (I feel) gives him another excuse. 🙁