Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

Sex as a Priority: Will You Make the Hard Choices?

baseball 2It’s baseball season big time in the city of Omaha.

By that, I mean the Men’s College World Series is going on, a huge event for our city every year.

It’s baseball season big time in our household too, with first born playing high school ball for the first time and second born playing little league.

Needless to say, our life has become an eclectic mix of sweat, cleats, lemonade, dirt and relentless baseball schedules.

It’s heaven and hell all mixed into one, if you ask the mom in the household.

She’s easy to spot.

You’ll find her somewhere between half asleep and half strung out on caffeine, as she makes her best attempts to corral a calendar. And cleats. And chaos.   

She loves it.  And slightly loathes it. All. At. The. Same. Time.

So is sex completely written off in all this?

No.  But she won’t lie.  She had to make hard choices to find it, nurture it and allow it to be a safe haven.

I know everyone’s circumstances are different.  I don’t want to speculate too much on your particular lot in life and where sexual intimacy falls on your priority scale, because I’m not you.

I encourage you with this though:  Often times making sex a priority comes down to a willingness to make hard choices.

Those who know me well know that I’m often overly optimistic on what I think I can really accomplish on any given day.  I love this about myself. And find it to be a horrible blind spot as well.

Quick example that has nothing to do with sex or baseball:  The second born mentioned he wanted to try carrot cake.  Instead of simply buying him a slice of carrot cake from a local bakery (which is what a sane person would do), I decided to make a carrot cake from scratch. Do you have any idea how long it takes to make a carrot cake — a GOOD carrot cake — from scratch?  Enough said.  There is no long-lasting help for this kind of freakish behavior in me).

Anyway, where was I?   Oh yes, talking about making sex a priority.

In my IDEAL world, I would have all my ducks in a row.  I would spend a lot more time with my friends than I do.  I would have a clean house and a well-organized fridge. I would serve more.

I would write every day.

I would read every day.

And I would always have quality time with my husband and boys.

I don’t live in an ideal world, so I have to make hard choices so that my real life is my best life.

What does that mean?  Well, you can probably guess, but it means I don’t spend as much time as I would like reading, writing, praying, cleaning or hanging out with my friends.

Those are not easy choices.  Seriously, they are not.

BUT… and here’s the huge payoff… by making those choices, I get nuggets of precious time with my husband and my boys.  And while it’s still not as much as I would like, what I do get is a richness that cannot be measured.  I love those men.  I love who they are to me.

And they are worth the hard choices.

I know that many married people with crazy full lives push sex way down on the priority list (or even completely off the list, from what I gather from an array of emails and comments I receive).

But the costs are just too high if that’s the path you choose.

Really. Astronomically too high.

The irony to it all is that when a married couple keeps sex fairly high on the priority scale, it equips them to better navigate their life.  Their crazy full life.

Making love with my husband helps me keep my sanity amidst the chaos.  Yes, it’s a loose definition of sanity, but let’s not judge, people.  I’m a lot more sane than I would be without sex.  None of you have known me sex deprived, so you’re just going to have to take my word on this.  I’m more sane.

Anyway, are you willing to make the hard choices in order to nurture sexual intimacy in your marriage?

Are you willing to put down your book or turn off your reality TV show or get off Facebook or leave the laundry till tomorrow or take a rain check on the coffee date with your friend or decline the offer to serve on the church committee — all so you can make love more often to your spouse?

You don’t have to answer it for me.  But for the health of your marriage, you might want to give it at least more than a passing glance.

Copyright 2013. Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

June 17th, 2013 by