Sexy Email? Think Twice Before You Send.

There is quite the controversy that has arisen in Omaha recently.

The Omaha Public School District (our largest district in the city) recently hired a new superintendent — Nancy Sebring, who was the superintendent of the Des Moines Public Schools.

She was due to start in Omaha July 1, and many members of the school board and community hailed her as the fresh voice that was needed in a fledgling school district.

The district had not hired a superintendent from outside the district since the early 1980s, so obviously this was a big step.

Well, Sebring’s demise came quickly when a simple public records search request by the local Omaha newspaper revealed that she had used her Des Moines School District email address to send racy emails to her lover during work hours.

Sebring is married, as is the man she was sending the emails to.  Obviously the infidelity is the greater transgression, but right now I simply want to focus on this matter of sending sexually explicit communications electronically.

Sebring resigned quietly on May 10 from her Des Moines job, only to then have to resign June 2 from her new Omaha position, as news of the controversy spread quickly.

She resigned before the Omaha School Board even asked for her resignation, likely sensing that it was better to resign than be fired — from a position she hadn’t even started.

This is just one public reminder that we all need to be wise about what we put in print, whether it is in email or texts or on social media.

True privacy — or a guarantee that such conversations will not surface — really is an illusion.

For one, let’s not forget that technology is designed by and used by humans, and that being the case, it is wrought with the possibility of failure.

  • Wrong buttons can be pushed.
  • Accounts can be compromised.
  • Phones and laptop computers can be stolen.

And even if technical error isn’t the culprit, there certainly is the ethical mis-step of using a work email address or device to send such elicit messages.

I recognize that with loose work boundaries, flex time and virtual offices, many companies do indeed allow an employee to use company-issued devices for personal reasons.

Even so… come on people… ya gotta be wise about what you’re doing.

It’s one thing to shoot an email to your husband that your daughter’s soccer practice has been moved back an hour.  It’s a completely different thing to describe in detail what you’re going to do to him sexually later that night.

Honestly, I think Nancy Sebring is likely a talented administrator who has dedicated much of her heart and time to the education of children.  And without a doubt, she would make a different choice if she could go back and think twice not only about the emails she sent, but hopefully the affair itself.

Her error in judgment on the emails is one that many of us could easily make, considering how immersed we are in technical gadgetry.  We tend to have a false sense of security and confidentiality.

Feeling excited about sending  a sexy email or text to your husband?

My encouragement is that you speak those words instead, either in a phone conversation or privately in person (and certainly not on the company’s dime).

I’m all for sexual playfulness and foreplay that starts well before the lights go out.

Just don’t lose sight of the very real possibility that a racy electronic message could fall into the wrong hands — much to your embarrassment at the minimum and the loss of your job or respect at worse.

If you do send any words that are sexual in nature, be wise to not be explicit. Stick to appropriate inside lingo that is exclusively understood by you and your spouse — and certainly do not send photos or use any electronic means that do not belong to you personally (no company-issued cell phones, laptop computers, email accounts, etc.).

Nancy Sebring jeopardized a lot when she innocently sent those racy emails.  My prayer is that the continued good work she can do for public education, not to mention her marriage, will not be completely lost as well.

She  may want to lay low for awhile before embarking on her next career move.  I’m guessing she already knows this, though.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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10 thoughts on “Sexy Email? Think Twice Before You Send.

  1. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says:

    What a great reminder. How sad for this administrator. I tend to text sexy stuff so that the meaning is there but there is nothing too explicit. It’s more like “Can’t wait to have our own private party!” Since my hubby knows what “private party” looks like by now, he gets the message and drives home with an eager smile on his face.

  2. michael roe says:

    Even more sad is that this involved an affair. Infidelity against a spouse and against God is far more sobering than losing a job. Unfortunately most of the news stories covering this, if not all, fail to realize this.

  3. JulieSibert says:

    You are right Michael… I went back and read the article again and yes it was infidelity all the way around.

  4. Adam's Eve says:

    The fact that she had an affair with a married man while being married herself is more distressing than using her school district email to send messages to her lover. It’s distressing that the media hasn’t really picked up on this. Today we seem to turn a blind eye to affairs or give just a slap on the wrist because they are so common, especially in the media. With movies, books, magazines, and other things telling us it’s okay to explore sexually outside of marriage and it’s okay to cheat if you’re not in love anymore is so sad and so wrong.

    I do text my husband sexy things, but I usually try to use code words. I’m going to be extra careful from now on. Wouldn’t want someone else reading those texts if his phone or mine ever got stolen.

  5. JulieSibert says:

    You are right Adam’s Eve — the affair is more distressing. Not surprising that the media doesn’t really address this, because as you have said, much of our secular society has turned a blind eye to affairs.

  6. Doris says:

    The very bad (and most telling) thing about all this is infidelity! Because, if you’re not true to your marriage, so you’re not true to yourself, how can you be true to other people around you, to the children?

    Why the media is covering this infidelity matter up? Because the media promotes lies. The media “fidelity” goes anywhere but to the truth.

  7. Suzanne B says:

    I read some of the racy emails online. These weren’t “racy”…these were RAUNCHY. I feel sorry for the wronged, betrayed spouses. I hope she learned a lesson and she gets right with God.

  8. Gaye says:

    I do find that “sexting” with my husband is a fun way for us to build interest and a positive mood during the day, but I agree that you have to be careful. We only use personal cell phones for this, not work phones or computers. The other day I inadvertently sent a text intended for my son to a friend. It was something innocuous, so it didn’t really matter – but it did remind me to be very careful when sending messages to my husband.

  9. Cindy at Affaircare says:

    As you might imagine, this particular incident is “big news” on an infidelity site such as mine, but the fact of the mater is that she used her company resources (PC, laptop, cell phones, expense accounts, and even travel and conferences) to finance an affair. Almost every larger company and/or government department has some sort of sexual harassment policy about fraternization and use of company resources so her own actions were also her own snare.

    That being said however, you make a great point Julie. As people who promote both healthy intimacy and godly marriages, I could see where people might think it’s “more okay” to send a racy email or text to their own spouse. Nonetheless, when you send something like that you really have NO WAY OF KNOWING who will be on the other end to receive it. Yes, it may be your spouse’s phone or laptop, but they may have a boss or supervisor watching over their shoulder at that moment…or someone for whom they are the boss sitting at their desk.

    So I agree–I’m all for sending something to your spouse that may be suggestive–but always write it as if the big boss they’ve been trying to impress for the past six months is FINALLY looking at their project…and the boss sees what you just wrote. “I can not WAIT to welcome you home properly” may cause a little blush but won’t cause employment damage. Or write as if your 8 year old will find their cell phone before they do…and will ask “Mommy what does XXXX mean?”

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