3 Great Reasons to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

“Purity means staying far from the edge, not seeing how close you can get before you fall.” — Tricia Wonder

Recently I shared an outstanding post about the war on virginity, as well as another remarkable article about how far is too far.

In response, my dear friend Tricia Wonder commented with the above statement about purity.

If you truly believe “it doesn’t matter what you say to kids about sex, they’re going to do it anyway,” then you are the exact person who needs to keep reading.

Too often, parents think that because we live in such a sexualized society and because so many parents themselves had sex before they were married, then there really is no point in trying to turn the tide on pre-marital sex. They underestimate their influence as a parent.

But what if that exact attitude is what is perpetuating the sexual downfall of younger generations?  Do we really want our children thinking we have given up on them in this area?

  • Your children are worth trying to reclaim ground on this matter of sexual purity.
  • They are worth pushing aside your embarrassment about sex.
  • They are worth looking at your own sexual difficulties in your marriage — and resolving to do something about those struggles.
  • They are worth turning a deaf ear to the lie of Satan that one parent’s words cannot make a difference.

You can make a difference in your child’s sexual path.  I can make a difference for my sons.

Sexual purity is not an antiquated value of the past. It is a timeless fundamental that yields unfathomable blessings.

Won’t you take up this cause with me?

3 Great Reasons to Talk to Your Kids About Sex:

1.  Sex is powerful.

The ocean is powerful and so are fireworks.  When we have respect for such power, we are able to enjoy it greatly.  But I wouldn’t hesitate to educate my child about what can happen when that kind of power is taken lightly.

The same is true with sex.

In marriage, the power of sex is spectacular and indescribable.  But when sex is mishandled — which is always the case with unmarried people — the power more often than not causes pain, heartache, confusion and in some cases, tragedy.

Every time you think you can’t talk to your kid about sex, think of them carefreely running into the ocean during a hurricane. The urgency factor just went up a few notches, didn’t it?

2.  If they can master sexual self-control, they can probably master anything.

It’s no secret that sexual attraction and the desires to have sex are intense among young people.  And obviously, if they find themselves in a situation where something sexual could happen, you (or another trusted adult) aren’t going to be there telling them to put on the brakes.

The more we can teach them the ability to have self-control in this area – to resist putting themselves in situations where sexual temptation is probable – the more likely they will be able to practice self-control in other areas.

When you teach your kids about healthy sexual intimacy, you are instilling character qualities that equip them well beyond sex.

3. You have plenty of time to be a grandparent. No need to rush.

I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to relish in the satisfaction of having raised my own kids — instead of being thrown into parenting someone else’s, mainly my children’s children.

I want grandparenting to be a fun-filled sideline activity instead of an “in-the-trenches-driving-the-carpool-once-again” experience.

I want to spoil those grandkids, feed them ice cream before dinner, take them on trips, cheer for them at their concerts and games, have them for sleepovers — and then I want to send them back home to the safety and stability of their parents’ marriage.

I know everyone’s family situation is different, but my blunt point is that we do not need babies raising babies, because guess what?  More often than not, those babies aren’t raising them, the grandparents are doing it.  Or the state.  Or the foster homes.

Yes, some unplanned teenage pregnancies work out fabulously well.  I personally know of a few in fact.  And some teen parents really step up to the plate.

But would any rational parent really desire such a path for their teen?  So if we wouldn’t desire it for them, why wouldn’t we do all we can to give them the best shot at a different path?  Remaining silent does not give them that best shot.

You should be (and likely are) your child’s biggest cheerleader in helping them achieve their goals.

They need someone to show them how to set sexual goals that seem beyond their reach – but really aren’t.  I’m not just talking about educating them about STDs, teen pregnancies and so forth.

Build on-going dialogue with them that conveys that sex in its right context of marriage is good and holy and right – and that such a goal for themselves is possible.  I want my sons not only to be deeply aware of the negative consequences of sex outside of marriage, but also to be eagerly excited about the benefits of sex inside of marriage — soul-drenching, passionate, nurtured sex!

Whether you think your kid will get married or not, why not just error on the side of assuming they will? And if they don’t get married?  Well, sexual purity will still serve them better than sexual promiscuity ever could.

Society will never cheer you on for setting high standards for your children sexually. Set them anyway.

“Purity means staying far from the edge, not seeing how close you can get before you fall.” — Tricia Wonder

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

6 thoughts on “3 Great Reasons to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

  1. Sis says:

    Sometimes I look at the statistics and it seems so overwhelming. I just want to lock my girls up in their rooms when the become teenagers and not ever let them date. Or maybe I could just send their kid sister along as a safeguard against them being alone.

  2. J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says:

    YES! YES! I also want to impress upon my children that the biggest reason for not having premarital sex is not pregnancy, STDs, reputation, etc., but because saving it for marriage can make sexuality all that God designed it to be. The emotional toll of having sex too young and/or without commitment is too much. I want my kids to experience physical intimacy in the context of marriage so that they can fully enjoy their spouse and God’s gift.

    And yeah, grandkids. Later.

  3. Valerie says:

    So much of what is said to kids about sex is negative, about the dangers involved. And sure, anything that powerful is dangerous. But I wanted my kids to know about the glory of that power. So I made a point of telling them things like:

    “It was such a joyful moment, when dad and I found out we were pregnant — and then when each of you were born. You have the power to arrange your life so that it’s just as joyful for you!”

    Also, I think we need to appeal to young men’s desire to be powerful and protective. The reason a man arranges to have his children with somebody who has promised to love and honor them till death is because if he doesn’t, he won’t have the legal or practical power to take care of them the way he will undoubtedly want to.

    Finally, I have confessed to my young adult children that I honestly thought the pleasure of going to bed every night with their dad and waking up next to him was something that would wear off with the honeymoon. To my delight, it has not. Sex is part of that, but it’s because the sex is wrapped up in a covenant which protects and nurtures both of us that it continues to be joyful.

    It’s about reaching for the stars in one’s life, and not settling for what some folks think should be good enough

  4. Megan@DoNotDisturb says:

    Great points. I am preparing to lead a discussion on this topic at church because so many women I know are asking me “the sex lady” to teach their kids about sex. Though I am willing to be one voice in their lives God has uniquely gifted each parent to be the primary voice in their children’s lives. It is our job as parents to educate our children and when we follow the Spirit’s leading I believe we can do that well.


  5. Greg says:

    Excellent post!

    “Won’t you take up this cause with me?”

    In every possible way God allows! May this be true for every follower of Christ, as we stand for the Truth.

  6. Paul H. Byerly says:

    I’ve always said the person who teaches them the biology gets to teach them the morality. If you want to teach your kids sexual morality, you need to get to the biology before anyone else does – which is now disturbingly young!

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