passion, sexual intimacy struggles
Sex: It’s Not Just Emotional
That headline strikes you as odd, doesn’t it?
Well, I was on my fellow blogger Paul Byerly’s site and came across his very insightful post Sex: It’s Not Just Physical.
Paul’s niche audience is husbands, and in this particular post, he does a great job of encouraging men to recognize that even though they may be highly tuned into the physical aspects of sex, they would be wise to broaden their lens and grasp the other dynamics as well.
A husband shows great respect and consideration for his wife (and for himself, really) when he equally appreciates the emotional and spiritual angles when he and his wife make love.
All this got me thinking about how we as wives also need to recognize that there is indeed a raw physicality to sex that is God-designed and worthy of attention.
If you as a wife find yourself thinking (or worse, saying) that your husband is merely an “animal” because he thoroughly enjoys the physical aspects of sex, I encourage you to consider how such a judgmental tone is casting a destructive shadow on your marriage bed.
I’ve long believed that there is a lot going on when a husband and wife make love — emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.
But as wives, I think we can be way too quick to marginalize the physical aspects.
We downplay the significance of pleasure.
We reduce sex to a simple set of steps, all in an effort to get it over with as soon as possible. Touch him here. Kiss him here. Yada. Yada. Let him come. We’re done.
We minimize or disregard the sheer joy of offering our husband the indescribable physical experience that he ethically cannot get from someone else.
Some wives are even repulsed by what are indeed God-designed natural responses in a man desiring his wife. His erect penis. Him ejaculating within his wife. His arousal at the sight of her breasts, her legs, her entire body.
Personally I find it ravenously rewarding to know that I can sexually satisfy my husband in a way that leaves not even one ounce of doubt that we both enjoyed it.
Did you catch that? My husband’s sexual satisfaction is intensified by my genuine enjoyment in the experience as well.
Certainly God in all His infinite wisdom knew what He was doing when He designed sex as He did.
In His design, sexual intimacy between a husband and wife lacks nothing. It is indeed the perfect combination of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual in a one-flesh way that simply cannot be replicated through any other means.
We as wives would be wise to not just accept the physical dimension half-heartedly or grudgingly, but rather to embrace it, learn about it, lean into it and love it. Sex: It’s not just emotional.
Want to read more? A good place to start is this post about the Wonderful Male Body.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Perfectly true. Sex with my hubby (the only sex I ever had) goes beyond the physical aspect (after turning it on all faces 😳 ) and comes around in the most sparkling and beneficial emotions.
Mothering is stressing for the mind and consuming for the heart. Just like a competition: it rewards you as it wears you out. Then the grown-up kids genuinely make us feel “old.” And there comes my DH with a pinch and a simulated butt slap, reminding me how young we still are. The sex we have is poetry and music. And I’m “his violin” — this is what he keeps telling me. Who said that marriage is a boring place to go?
Excellent post! I think as men, as much as we yearn for the physical aspect of making love, we don’t want to be seen as not having the capacity for the emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects that should always be part of marital intimacy. I can only speak for myself, but like you shared, the view or stigma of men as sexual “animals” is something I loathe living under. Certainly not every woman sees their husband or men in general that way, but the world we live in actively promotes the assumption and suspicion of men as sexual predators (for lack of a better term). This is why what you shared in this post about wives affirming their husbands in the physical aspect of intimacy is so very important.
This is a brilliant post! We need to embrace all of the aspects of marital sexuality. It can satisfy various desires we have in marriage – physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental. Making love will range through all of these with different percentages perhaps at times. One time, sex may feel incredibly spiritual, and another time is focused on “rip these clothes off me and let’s get to it!”
Thanks for your insight! (Did I mention you’re brilliant?)
Thank you Julie. One of the things that has so often frustrated me is that the physical aspect of having sex so often seems to be “excused” with phrases like “well, its so much MORE than just the physical” and “its primarily about intimacy” ans so on.
It IS more than just physical, but it ISN’T less. If my wife and I had a “mind-meld” and completely KNEW every thought and feeling and emotion and shared every thought, I’d still want to have sex with her.
Sure, its about intimacy and receiving and giving love and a whole host of things, that’s true, but its also very much about having sex.
I don’t need an excuse to feel ok about wanting to have sex with my wife. She is a sexy, desirable woman and I want to have sex with her regularly and often.
Proverbs 5:18-19 (ESV)
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Julie, great job on this article. As a man, I must admit, that I very much enjoy the physical component of making love to my wife. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the emotional part of making love as well, but no doubt about it, the physical part of giving and receiving expressions of love can be very enjoyable. God has blessed each person with a physical desire to make love to their spouse, and even though there is physical enjoyment when making love, there is an emotional connection and bonding that takes place when making love that can be found no other way. That emotional bonding is what helps marriages stay strong, so I think making love on a regular basis is absolutely essential to keeping a marriage strong. I think many times, women do not see the connection between the physical part of making love and the emotional; which, I think are both inseparably connected. I think in many cases, it is thought of only as physical, and so they think it is an unnecessary chore, when in reality, the physical needs must be met before the emotional needs are met.
Julie, Thanks SO MUCH for this. Much needed, and masterfully done. If each gender can focus on the area where they are weak, both benefit. Even better, if they can allow their spouse to teach them, they will get there even faster.
Well said, m’lady. I have “felt” but not been able to articulate it. As a husband, a fairly new one, THANK YOU!
M