sex, sexual intimacy
What to Say to Your Husband During Sex
Occasionally, people contact me interested in writing a guest post for my site. While I don’t run all of these, I do value throwing a different voice out here once in awhile.
So today we have a guest post from Lisa Shoreland, who is a resident blogger for the site Go College. It isn’t a site that really has anything to do with marriage, but I think she makes some valid points on what to say to your husband during sex.
Glean what tips you think will work in your marriage…
Your bedroom isn’t the local library, so why do you stay quiet while grabbing a few minutes in the sack? Most women are nervous about saying anything during sex because they’re not sure what their husbands want to hear. And it’s hard to believe that words could improve the experience – but they most certainly can.
If you haven’t learned by now that everything in marriage goes better with improved communication, you will. Sex is just one more aspect of that maxim, so don’t hesitate to communicate verbally while you’re going at it. Dial up your courage and read on to find out what your husband is dying to hear from you in the bedroom.
What He’s Doing Right
If you’re enjoying yourself, let him know – men want to get clued in when they’re giving a five-star performance. It’s a huge source of manly pride to let your husband know that he’s slammed it out of the park when he’s trying to please you. Say things like:
- “I love it when you touch/kiss my ____ .”
- “It feels so incredible when you _____. Don’t stop!”
- “You’re so good at _____.”
Specific Instructions
Men like to be in control, but they also tend to think it’s pretty hot when you take the reins. Tell your husband exactly what to do to you. If you don’t know how you want to be touched, experiment together and tell him what to try. Be as specific as possible to get him (and you) completely turned on, then enjoy having sex just the way you’ve always wanted it.
For example, tell him how to use his hands, tongue, penis, and body weight to really turn up the heat. Then, let him know if you want it softer, harder, to the left or right, higher or lower, and any other specific urges you have. Trust me – your husband will be only too happy to acquiesce.
The Big Moment
This is an important one. Tell your husband all about it when you’re about to climax. There are two big reasons for this:
- It lets him know that he’s pleasing you beyond belief. Tell him you’re out of control with pleasure and that it’s all because of him – this makes sex more satisfying for both of you. It tells your husband that he’s a successful sex partner and it heightens the orgasm for you.
- It gives him permission to come. Because most men finish before their female partners have a chance to orgasm, your husband may be holding back until you have your big moment. Let him know that you’re about to get there so he can have his own climax.
Rewards & Affirmation
What does your husband work on the hardest? If he goes to the gym and takes pride in his “huge” biceps, for example, compliment him on that aspect of his body. Reward his efforts to look hotter by letting him know that you notice and appreciate those efforts. It might seem cheesy at first, but if you can do this sincerely, it will go a long way toward intensifying your sexual experiences.
What You Love about Him
The best way to give your husband sincere verbal admiration is to talk about what you love about him. If you have a thing for his hands, for example, don’t keep it to yourself – let him know what you like about them and what you love about the way he uses them to please you during sex. Keep in mind that your husband won’t mind if you talk dirty, so don’t be shy. You might be surprised at how much of a difference you notice between verbal and nonverbal sex.
Lisa Shoreland has an English Degree from the University of North Carolina, and is a freelance part-time writer for Go College. She mostly writes about higher education, but is always looking to expand her writing topics. In her spare time, she enjoys creative writing, practicing martial arts, and taking weekend trips.
Speaking as a husband type person, I can confirm that Lisa is spot-on with her advice. Ladies, you would be showing your love for your husband by following her advice.
I can’t even imagine that following this advice could somehow go wrong. Give it a try, even if you feel silly or unsure of yourself. I’m willing to bet that your husband will be overjoyed at any effort you make along these lines.
in My 5 years married life i didnt go to my wife not even a 5 times. she try to make me love and sex. but i try to sleep always. if she comes also i canot do more in minutes i will come the last work and i will sleep. if she try to make me a love also i will show angry on her. now a days she is telling she is not satisfy with me she more in everything. she need full of romance and sex. but i feel to sleep and not to participate in sex. i did not get the mood and if get the mood also i dnt particpate i will control myself and sleep. am fits patient am using tablets aslo i cannot make love and sex. how to overcome this problem ? what i should do and what i should use…..
I like ur suggestion lisa.I also like
to say like these way during sex
Me and my husband married been married 2 years this past June I’m 20 he is 24 and I’ve done excatly what lisa said but ny husband hard to read sometimes I just want to know more how I can turn him on and make me him know excatly how Good he makes me feel. I feel like he may not know. But do you think sometimes they get tired of hearing it like they may not believe it I have that problem but I had low esteem problems. Still do!
Tiffany, as a red-blooded heterosexual male, I think I can speak for all of us when I say it is *impossible* to praise your husband too much in the areas of sex. With no exaggeration, it is possibly the single best way to build up your husband.
What to say to your husband?: Like Rico said, praise is always welcome. If it’s fast and quick go with “F&%$ me!” “Harder!” “I love the feel of your d#@$ inside me!” If it’s romantic and slow go with something like “Look in my eyes” or the popular but never outdated “I love you. I truly love you.” You can never go wrong with “God, that feels so good!” either! LOL
Every time i try to have sex with my husband, he tells me he wants me to talk dirty and for me to tell him what he wants to hear. But when i try im not daying the right things and then he gets mad and aggressive, but then calms down and tell me he wants me to watch him have sex with other women and it upsets me and that just makes him start yelling and he stops having sex with me and says im immature and im the reason hes not happy.. i just dont know what to do i need help i love him and dont want to loose him but at the same time hes pushing me away, its not just every once in a while its everytime we have sex he tells me how he wants someone else to sellp with.. what do i do?
@Amanda… I am so sorry for the pain you are going through that your husband is inflicting upon you. What he is requesting is definitely outside the lines of God’s design for sex and marriage. Is there someone you can talk to at a church or a mature Christian woman who you can confide in? You need support as you seek to hold your husband accountable. From what you have described, he sounds emotionally abusive and potentially even physically abusive if his aggression leads to physical intimidation or harm. I recognize you love him, but what you are experiencing in your marriage is not love. Please do what you can to get some help from someone who has a biblical perspective on marriage.
Every time I tried having sex with my husband, he turns me down. His excuses range from being tried or stressed with work. He gets mad at me whenever he walks into the bedroom & find me dressing up OR for some reason any part of my body is exposed; he say hurtful things to me. He always turns his head away from me. Moreso, he spends all his time out. He only comes home very late in night. I tried talking with him to know if there is a problem but he ignores me and get to doing something else.
I apologize severally for if I have done something that made him to treat me violently. I overtime had lost all people close to me; friends, relatives just avoid Us.He has alot of friends though both male and female friends he hangs out with. Amongst all the friends I earlier had, he only approves of two (2) of them to be my friends. He attends social events with his friends and I sometimes see pictures in compromising postures on social media platforms like BBM, Facebook, watsup & so on. He sometimes invite his friends to the house; during which he ask me to prepare meals for them. I usually join them when I done preparing the meals but I cannot talk unless he ask me to. But for now i would prefer not to be there. His discussions with his friends in this gathering leaves me wounded in my heart. He tells them of how i was a virgin till he married me & naive i am towards social activities; i feel terrible most times and i usually have to take shower afterwards to enable me cry under the shower. We have a son that We concieved the same month we got married. I had talked to the church and after they knew what was happening; they invited him but he refused. A few weeks, he announced he is transfered from work and we had to move to another city. And He continued the same life style.
@Lee… I am saddened by what you are going through. From what you have shared, your husband sounds abusive and neglectful. He certainly isn’t loving you, his wife, as Christ loved the church.
Do you have anyone you can confide in — a mature Christian woman who could possibly guide you to resources? Would it help to confide in your family?
I don’t have easy answers, but I sense from what you have shared that your husband’s behavior at the minimum is going to stay the same or get worse, unless he is willing to change his ways.
Do you have a church you can reach out to? I encourage you to find at least one safe person in whom to confide about what is really going on inside your marriage.
Okay, I came upon this Forum because I Googled ‘How To Talk Dirty To Your Husband’ I am so Glad I found a Christian-Based Forum because to me, Sex is a Gift from God & meant to give us Joy on every Level. Not Just Physical but ESPECIALLY Spiritual. It is the Power to Create Life, and to Express True Intimacy between Husband and Wife. The World and Society’s Views on this Power and Privelege is so skewed, it’s no wonder many are Lost. At the same time, I understand My husbands #1 needs are within the Realm of ‘Words Of Affirmation’. (Read the Book The 5 Love Languages) And quite frankly, when he told me in a deep conversation we recently had, that he wants me to talk “dirty ” to him during sex. As a deep thinker by nature I went wild inside of my thoughts about just what the Heck I am supposed to say. Sex is not ‘Dirty’ Neither are our Private Parts, Nor Our Natural Urges. They are given and instilled within us to wield wisely. To Protect them, and Society’s Propaganda about Hyper Sexualization and Objectifying of Women AND Men are so out of Control. Leave it to the Enemy of All Righteousness to Corrupt and tempt us all to Corrupt this Sacred Gift of Procreation that we have…We must FIGHT BACK!! MEN AND WOMEN. Julie Sibert’ s Tips on what to say are SPOT ON!! And I will Apply Immediately. How could I not Correlate the Connection Between Words of Affirmation, only…in the Bedroom. Thank You So Much!! God Bless!!
my marriage 10 years completed & I have 2 children but still my wife not satisfied in sex. she not fill sex filling during sex.
in 10 years not a single time she fill sex filling.
Julie….are you still monitoring this blog? I would like to ask a question.
Hi @Karla… yes, you can ask a question.
Thank you for your reply, Julie. We have a complicated situation and I believe I should write a draft first, then let it process in my brain for a bit before I post, so I am not misunderstood.
I’m so very glad to have found your website and I wish I had found it much sooner. My husband and I are 56 & 57 and have been married for 38 years with 6 kids and several grandkids. Up until recently, sex seemed like duty to fulfill. We still have kids and grandkids living at home, but they are all adults now. We recently got an RV and started traveling for work. It has been like a 2nd honeymoon. I have been less stressed and more refreshed in our “little love shack” as I lovingly refer to it. Our intimacy and sexual relationship is beyond wonderful and it is like a 2nd honeymoon. I crave my husband daily and he I. Sex is better than it ever has been in our entire marriage. I have found so much freedom in reading your articles and we are trying all kinds of new and exciting things (within God’s boundaries). Thank you for your candor!