Intimacy in Marriage

BETTER Sex in Your Christian Marriage

Guest Post: The Restorative Effect of Sexual Intimacy

I have a few guest posts lined up and the first one below is from Jim and Carrie Gordon. They are all about supporting married couples in their quest for authentic intimacy.  Whenever I speak with people about nurturing marriage, I encourage them to glean from a number of resources.  Be sure to cruise around the Gordons’ site to find nuggets of gold that will enrich your relationship. As you read the below guest post, think about what aspects could apply in your marriage…

Great news everyone! We at The Intimate have done some exhaustive personal research and concluded that frequent sex is really, really good for you! We like to refer to it as “sex-connect therapy!” It is restorative, it promotes physical well-being, helps relieve stress, promotes intimacy in a relationship, and more! While this may not be as groundbreaking as we’d like to think, we would like to offer yet another reason to “get frisky.”

Many husbands have a natural tendency to withdraw or disconnect from their surroundings when they feel isolated through stress or if they are struggling with self-condemnation. This can even happen when a marriage relationship is generally healthy. Wives, you’ve probably recognized the symptoms: he’s withdrawn, moody, and uncommunicative – maybe feeling needlessly guilty or overwhelmed by perceived failure.

Whatever the case may be, the way you respond to your husband is crucial in re-establishing those deep emotional connections. Any husband wading through a case of “the blahs” may not have much sexual desire for his wife, but you must be aware that your husband needs that physical/emotional bond with you now more than ever! You can help make the darkest of perspectives brighter and brimming with renewed hope.

The adverse effects of his depression on both of you may make the idea of having sex one of the least favourite things to do at the moment! Understand that bouts of depression are problematic, and that intimacy can be part of the solution.

Persevere as you initiate foreplay despite his reluctance.  His mind may be telling him he doesn’t want sex, but deep in his heart, he more than likely knows that having sex with you is the “lifesaver” that will free him.  During these times, it may almost be impossible for him to choose to make that connection with you.  Your gentle persistence will likely win him over, and the sexual intimacy you share together could be the best therapy for him!

Most husbands connect deeply with their wives through sex. During the times that he is feeling blue, down, moody, or depressed, sex-connect therapy works wonders. And those barriers inside him that shut everything and everyone out of his world? They don’t stand a chance. Feelings of self-doubt and discouragement are often just blown away! Essentially, a wife’s love can medicate her husband’s soul-sickness.  Sexual intimacy can re-establish the emotional connection between a husband and wife. This reconnection allows feelings of love and acceptance to flow freely.

“Sex-connect therapy” must include follow-up conversations:

1.     Express unconditional love to your husband
2.     Affirm his worth and value
3.     Encourage him to share the thoughts or feelings that contributed to his depression
4.     Pray together

This follow-up talk will add an entirely new dimension to the idea of after-glow!

Wives, choose a time when both you and your husband are feeling encouraged to take a few minutes to read through this article together.  Then agree and commit to applying this whenever necessary.  Ladies, don’t be surprised if your husband occasionally approaches you with a silly grin and a wink, saying, “I’m so depressed. What can we do to help me feel better?!”

He’s just found another reason for the two of you to make love!

October 10th, 2010 by