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It Isn’t a “Magical” Ring. Surprised?
The more I talk with women, the more I hear a common thread about sex: They never expected it to be such a struggle in their marriage. Truth is a lot of marriages do struggle with this very sensitive issue. Getting married and making a commitment to a covenant relationship is profound. Such a relationship is unlike any other, as the good Lord is gracious to point out in His Word.
But there’s nothing magical in those wedding rings that equips us to easily navigate our sexual intimacy. Nurtured sexual intimacy takes effort…probably a lot more effort than any of us envisioned. Most newlyweds literally and figuratively cross the threshold of married life underestimating any sexual intimacy struggles. But talk to them months and years later? Not surprisingly, many will acknowledge that it has become a treacherous territory instead of a playground of Godly delight. The bliss of the wedding day has given way to a million other details. The couple that radiated with joy and eager anticipation at the altar now meanders through piles of laundry, messy garages, jam-packed calendars and whiney youngsters.
If you struggle with sexual intimacy in your marriage, you are not alone. This site is all about speaking hope and encouragement into those struggles. I admit it… I am a Christian woman incredibly driven to foster authentic dialogue on this topic. Honestly, I am so driven because I speak with so many women who are hungry for such dialogue. They’ve been hanging out in isolation, wondering where to turn, what to do, etc.
I’d love your feedback. Were you surprised that the wedding ring wasn’t magical with regard to sex? You don’t have to share details of your situation, but I value your insight.
Copyright 2010. Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Surprised? Not completely- we knew it wouldn’t always be easy.
I’d say the biggest surprise was how important sexual intimacy was not just in itself, but how much it affected our whole marriage. We had some rough times in that one area and it just made everything else we were facing that much harder to deal with. Now that we’re connecting more on that level (7 years later), we feel more equipped to face the rest of life as a team. It was a hard lesson to learn, and we’re still working on it.
Couldn’t agree with you more Mrs. Embers! I am currently teaching a Bible study I wrote on sexual intimacy in marriage… the women and I have spent much time talking about exactly what you wrote… connecting well sexually does better equip a couple to navigate everything else together. Be encouraged. At least you are working on it. Many couples, sadly, never even recognize it on the radar. Thanks for the comment!
Quote from my wife 17 years ago speaking of the discrepancy in our desire levels. “This is the one area I never thought we’d have problems in…” I think she thought she was going to be a passionate wife. She was certainly very amorous when dating. (we were virgins when we married but we pushed the envelope more than we should have….and she did the pushing.) Regular ordinary life has a way sapping the libido right out of some people. Even pre-kids – newlywed – and – NO responsibilities type life. I was very romantic for many years, but I can’t make life go away.