marriage problems, Uncategorized
Do Some People Believe Your Marriage Won’t Make It?
Jan
I was so encouraged the other day by blogger Lori Byerly, who shared in her post that when she and husband Paul married, quite a few people doubted it would last.
Lori and Paul just celebrated 28 years of marriage!
While she said they are still learning about marriage, she admitted they have certainly overcome many of the challenges and doubts that plagued their marriage early on.
They have persevered and prospered, despite the opinions of the naysayers.
What about your marriage?
Do you have people around you who think you won’t make it?
Together you can prove them wrong! (And I bet many of them, especially those who love you, would happily rejoice in you proving them wrong).
I’ve always believed that each marriage is unique.
We’d be kidding ourselves if we didn’t recognize that some marriages travel a tougher road than others. Maybe the road is rocky because of past and/or current sin, former relationships, poor communication skills, financial struggles, on-going illness or injury, ex-spouses, jeopardized trust, in-laws, job crises and so on.
To a degree, we all have some baggage.
Sometimes it’s baggage we brought all on our own. And if we are honest, we’d confess much of it is baggage we together created after we said our vows.
Regardless of when and how the baggage showed up, unpacking it can be messy, discouraging and downright exhausting.
But God is indeed a redemptive God.
And marriage was His idea.
So, if you’ve entered into a marriage, you can rest assured that He desires greatly to equip you, grow you and show you how to have a marriage that doesn’t just exist — but also thrives and overflows with goodness.
Many marriages designated as “beyond repair” are anything but that. Instead, they are opportunities for profound transformation.
(Obviously, I’m not suggesting anyone stay in an abusive relationship. I instead am referring to marriages that are characterized by difficulties that are debilitating, yet not insurmountable.)
Lori and Paul Byerly offer all of us a tender reminder of the power to stay the course toward healthy relationship, even when you can’t see it from where you stand in the midst of the storm.
Press into the Lord’s heart and Word. Obey His commands. Pray. Seek resources. Believe. Take baby steps.
Remember always that the little things are the big things. Invest in your marriage often.
If some people believe your marriage won’t make it, stop listening to them.
Start talking to your spouse instead. And start agreeing with God on His vision for your marriage.
That’s what Lori and Paul did.
And 28 years later, they continue to be a beautiful testament of compassion, love and belief that “God was big enough to work them out of their messes.” (You can read more about their messy history here).
Their story is one of hope. Could yours be one of hope too?
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words, Julie. God really is in the business of helping and healing marriages (for which I am deeply grateful).
I can relate to their story…I’m almost positive that no one thought we were going to make it when we got married. The week before our wedding was tumultuous (to say the least) and we married with some HUGE problems, but I am so thankful that God can COMPLETELY transform marriages!
Our first few years of marriage. Everyone else thought we were doing fine. I mean, I was sure we’d be married until one of us died…I just wasn’t sure who was going to go first and under what circumstances.
Sometimes I wish everyone knew the trouble we were having. Maybe if they didn’t think we were going to make it, we could have gotten some help we desperately needed. Instead, we bought into the notion of “you don’t talk about problems in your marriage, you just suck it up and stick with it until you die”.
I hope I manage to give a better message to my kids. In the mean time, at least I can help other marriages by actively asking how they are doing, not just waiting for someone to come to me asking for help, because that might never happen.
thanks julie for ur encouraging words. Marriage is an institution that u need to study hard(endurance, prayer n determination) b4 u can have testimony. One has to work it out herself if not d home will collapse and end up in mess.
One of the best stories I’ve heard is from a couple now married almost 20 years whose relatives were betting at the wedding on when they would get divorced. The way they told it, it sounded like a hysterical sitcom plot and had a roomful of couples doubling over with laughter. But it was easy to make light of it then because they proved everyone wrong! They have a long-lasting, respectful marriage built on faith in God and they are raising wonderful children. It wasn’t easy, but they did it. And I’ll put my money on them making it to the finish line.
When we were married our friends and family said I give them 5 months! 8 years later we are still going strong! We have had more than our share of troubes in the past 8 years and came very close to divorce. God is faithful though and turns ashes into beauty.
I happened to trip across one of your posts yesterday and haven’t been able to stop reading since! Fabulous articles Julie.
Ours definitely fits this description. I was 14 and he was 17..and yes I was pregnant. The local priest, who was hubby’s uncle, refused to marry us. My Dr even pulled me off the street to tell me that we couldn’t marry because it would never work. Every year I would poke my head into the office and say “tell doc to add another year!”
By the grace of God and both sets of parents we can proudly say we’ve made it 38 years. Easy? Heck No! Worth every minute of work? you bet! Would I recommend it today? Nope! From what I see…kids are so different now.