Five Words to Describe Sex in Your Marriage

Posted on Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

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4552198 small 246x246 Five Words to Describe Sex in Your Marriage photoWhat five words would you use to describe sex in your marriage?

Be honest.

Be real.

Whether they are positive, negative, just an observation or a combination thereof, please scroll down to the comment section and put in your five words.

I'm anxious to see what words you all share.

I moderate my comments, so I have to hit "okay" before they go live (this prevents spam from filling up my site).

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After you give your five words, share this post with as many people as you can through Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and so forth.

What five words would you use to describe sex in your marriage?

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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88 Responses to
“Five Words to Describe Sex in Your Marriage”

  • Anonymous says: January 9th, 2013 at 5:57 am

    So hopeless I've given up.

  • Anonymous says: January 9th, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Missing, unsatisfactory, unwanted, unimportant,

  • Buddy Knight says: January 9th, 2013 at 8:48 am

    Exciting, improving, exploratory, sometimes frustrating. :-)

  • NC Guy says: January 9th, 2013 at 8:54 am

    What sex? I've given up.

  • Tman says: January 9th, 2013 at 9:29 am

    Exciting, sizzling, hot, sensual, passionate!!! Married 20 yrs.

  • Rick says: January 9th, 2013 at 9:47 am

    Spicy, frequent, passionate, worship, bonding.

  • Anonymous says: January 9th, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Soul-fusing, foundational, haven-ish, steady, and fun.

    (My past self would tell you that it hasn't always been this way. My present self tells you that it's possible. With care and work. Yes, work, with heavy doses of honest communication and love. But, never, ever give up.)

  • Patty says: January 9th, 2013 at 10:05 am

    Holy, glorious, orgasmic, bonding, tender. (Married over 30yrs.)

  • workinprogress says: January 9th, 2013 at 10:16 am

    fulfilling, passionate, loving, giving, satifsying

  • Bob M says: January 9th, 2013 at 10:43 am

    Frequent, diverse/kinky, passionate, fulfilling (Married 25 years, but endured many years of refusal to get here.)

  • anonoymus says: January 9th, 2013 at 11:03 am

    sporadic, bland, lacking, difficult, un-inspired

  • Amos says: January 9th, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Growing, learning, forgiving, loving, beautiful.

  • anon says: January 9th, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    New
    Awkward
    Caring
    Promising
    loving

  • Anonymous Please says: January 9th, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    improving
    exploring
    tender
    kind
    private

  • hubbyforher says: January 9th, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    confusing, frustrating, amazing, growing, foundational

  • being punnished says: January 9th, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    18 years of no sex

  • Loving my wife in spite of says: January 9th, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    She has totally shut off

  • anonymous says: January 9th, 2013 at 8:06 pm

    Warm, learning, de-stressing, silly, peaceful.

  • Stuck says: January 9th, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    She's not that into me.

  • McKenzie says: January 9th, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    passionate, selfless, glorifying, breathtaking, cementing.

    -married 6 years, wasn't always that way until I realized what my rejection of him truly meant to him. Now i feel like I am the one blessed and always looking forward to each new day :)

  • Aimee says: January 9th, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    Passionate, exciting, bonding, too infrequent ;)

  • J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says: January 9th, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    I orgasm more than you. (Just kidding. You knew I couldn't play it straight, right?)

    Serious answer: Consistent, Intimate, Intense, Holy, Playful.

  • JulieSibert says: January 9th, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    Oh my gosh @J... you totally crack me up. As always. :)

  • Jennifer says: January 9th, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    Sensual
    Loving
    Unselfish
    Erotic
    Holy

    I must add completely over the top fulfilling. Ladies, (and gentlemen), please be honest with your spouse about your desires and needs. If those desires and needs go unheard, PLEASE seek help before its too late. Sex is a gift from God...enjoy it to its fullest within the boundaries if your marriage. Have fun...explore your spouse....don't be selfish. Our marriage took a long time to get here. I wish we would have been honest wih each other from he start because then, our entire sex life would have been incredible! Now married 25 years and our sex life is exceptional :)

  • Kwala says: January 10th, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Nonexistent
    Unimportant
    Resentful
    Questioning
    Jealous

  • Don says: January 10th, 2013 at 12:06 am

    I have a sexless marriage

  • AB says: January 10th, 2013 at 12:22 am

    playful, exploring, loving, sexy, learning to cope with medically induced ED

  • Ant says: January 10th, 2013 at 3:08 am

    Infrequent. Lacklustre. Boring. Sad. Rejection.

  • Anon10 says: January 10th, 2013 at 7:12 am

    unimportant, infrequent, unsatisfying, frustrating, sad

  • pleasanthome says: January 10th, 2013 at 11:00 am

    HOT, daily, passionate, erotic, OURS.

    Married almost 32 years. It's been this way less than a year, but we're making our next 30 years fantastic. I've never withheld sex, ever, as I see that as a sin against my husband or at least a stumbling block to lead him to sin, but sex was always a chore & boring & there was never much foreplay which always made me feel used and unattractive. Over the years, I came to deplore the act and tried to be as uninvolved as possible. We married young- 18 & 19, knew NOTHING about sex and who do you ask?! I just knew I was supposed to do it. Being young we were both selfish & immature and then life happened. My husband became a doctor, we purchased a clinic, we had 6 children, I home educated etc., etc., but we were still selfish & immature sexually. This past summer, I decided life was just too freaking short to continue to have crappy sex for the rest of my days so I just took control of it even though it was WAY out of my comfort zone. Now, the more I give, the more I get and we rock each other's worlds! Thank you Julie for your blog. I wish I could encourage wives to do what I did and choose to change themselves. Really, this is the ONLY life you get. Marriage & sex ARE gifts. What kind of a stupidhead gets a gift and doesn't use it? I did, until I realized I was a stupidhead. No more of that for me.

  • John says: January 10th, 2013 at 11:29 am

    nearly sexless
    boring
    passionless
    rejected

  • Megan @DoNotDisturb says: January 10th, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Restorative, Fun, Special, Exclusive, Passionate

  • hopeful hubby says: January 10th, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Missing
    Anger
    Tempted
    selfishness
    wondering-eyes

  • anonymous says: January 10th, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    Predictable, infrequent, frustrating, but improving

  • Amanda says: January 10th, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    HOT!!!, loving, FUN, relaxing, completely-mind-blowing!! :-) This after 12 years.

  • Ron says: January 10th, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    Renewal
    Comforting
    Giving
    Celebration
    Oneness

  • hungry says: January 10th, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    sparse
    hurried
    routine
    careless
    distracted

  • Brian says: January 10th, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Rare, heartless, misunderstood, wishing, selfish

  • Tammy says: January 10th, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    Fun
    Holy
    Orgasmic
    Anticipated
    De-stressing

  • Jacob says: January 10th, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Intimate, warm, loving, comfortable, fun.

    We have been married for ten years, with plenty of growth together. We've had six kids in this time, which has made maturing in patience, flexibility, and love all the more essential.

    Helpfull to us (in addition to loving eachother) has been that we have learned not onlythe sexual cycle of our monthly rhythm while fertile, but also the ~24mo cycle of sexuality during our childbearing years.

  • Ivan says: January 10th, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    Wow!!! The swing from hi to low is extreme. The lows are really gut wrenching. The highs are almost unbelievable.
    I find the very small middle ground interesting.

  • Chris says: January 10th, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    Connecting. Evolving. Fun. Sharing. Transcendent.

    I am also a stupidhead in recovery. After denying my husband the sex life he wanted for about a decade, I finally got over myself. Now we deal with ED and possible low testosterone, and we are still figuring out our new patterns of sexual interaction. This is the happiest I've ever been in my marriage of more than twenty years.

    My heart hurts reading some of these comments. Reminds me how much my stupidheadedness hurt the man I love. I had no idea that what I was really missing out on was not orgasms, but true intimacy and a chance to be part of something bigger than myself.

  • lawanda says: January 10th, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Boring, lacking, uneventful, pathetic & careless...!

  • frustrated says: January 10th, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    Nonexistent, hurtful, sexless, pasionless, frustrated (married 16yrs to a porn addict, and HATE it! So lonely) I have wanted to leave, but have been reminded by my pastor that this is a covenant with God, not just my husband.

  • Sasha says: January 10th, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    not worth the effort, tiring

  • Anthony says: January 10th, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    These replies are fascinating. I guess only the extremes would reply. Where there is loving sex the responses give lots of hope, albeit with initial envy. If only more Christian women would get their act together and be the sensual woman God's word requires.

  • Formerly Frustrated says: January 11th, 2013 at 12:20 am

    Redeemed. Awestruck. Glue. Immeasurably more.
    To "Frustrated" above. I am sorry for this agony you endure. Hang in there. I have felt your pain and loneliness. Work as hard as you can to heal from these offenses against you and pray for God to restore the porn addict. It is possible... and if you get to witness that restoration it will build your faith to watch the transformation. God will surely honor your faithfulness even if your spouse never defeats this enslaving sin. I just want to offer you hope that it can be different :)

  • Jim says: January 11th, 2013 at 3:05 am

    Always refuses, it really hurts.

  • Stone says: January 11th, 2013 at 6:06 am

    Glorious
    Mind-blowing
    Relaxing
    Evolving
    Infrequent :(

  • Jason says: January 11th, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Spiritual, sporadic, dutiful, disappointing, unilateral

  • Jason says: January 11th, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    McKenzie,

    I am sure your husband views your reflection with appreciation and awe, and if he doesn't he really should.

    Praise God that you saw what this means to your man early in your marriage, I am sure it will pay continually and for the long life of your relationship. You should hold classes for ladies.

  • Jaby says: January 11th, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    This is probably the only area where we've never had an issue, but the frequency could use adjusting!

    Amazing, fulfilling (for us both), exciting, creative, unselfish!

  • Anonymous Please says: January 11th, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    @ Anthony:

    I find your comment both unkind and unfair. It is not always the wife who is "the problem" and in many cases, one spouse has some very difficult issues to overcome. It takes patience, communication, and acceptance from BOTH spouses to create a satisfying sex life, even in the best of circumstances.

    In all fairness, I have no idea what your situation is, and cannot speak to your specific relationship. However, I know that if my dear husband approached me with a "you need to get your act together" attitude, it would be extremely difficult for me to desire him.

    With all due respect, it might be time for some honest self examination, my friend.

  • Robert says: January 11th, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Playful
    Hot
    Fulfilling
    Nurturing
    Better (than it used to be)

  • livinginblurredlines says: January 11th, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Lacking oral, improving, connecting, frequent

  • Sad wife says: January 11th, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    Infrequent, lonely, sad, frustrating, hurtful.

    As a fairly attractive woman I never dreamed I would be the one ignored and begging for attention. My husband is a workaholic, has gained a lot of weight and low testosterone levels. He has promised to try harder in the sex department, but things never seem to improve. He got a low testosterone diagnosis but will not take supplements. I want to be pursued and want to have a fulfilling, active sex life. I have pretty much given up and have been very tempted to go outside our marriage for attention. I know we need counseling and prayer, but my husband just thinks I'm obsessed with sex. I'm not. I would be happy with sex once or twice a week- not once or twice a month. Is that so unreasonable?? By the way, we have been married 18 years and I am 40.

  • Anthony says: January 11th, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    @ Anonymous Please

    I did not choose my words very carefully. Let me explain. It just seems as though there are many Christian marriages where the wife seems to be unwilling to help to work at what appears to be a marriage will little if any sexual intimacy. I understand that there can be many issues that need to be addressed and that both husband and wife may need to correct their behaviour and attitudes.
    In my situation my wife understands that we need to address our sexless marriage. She just will not.
    There really are no valid reasons for not trying or any issues that we can not solve. We are both 58 and have been together since 1977.She was unfaithful in the beginning for 5 yrs.

  • Anthony says: January 11th, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    I love my wife and am hugely turned on when I see her naked. I tell her. However I can not give her pleasure as she holds me at arms length. We are great friends.

  • Andre says: January 12th, 2013 at 7:21 am

    Passionate
    Adventurous
    Loving
    Secure
    Oneness

  • McKenzie says: January 12th, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    @Jason, Thank you so much for your kind words! I really have to give a lot of credit to this blog and my husbands prayers! It wasn't until the bizillonth argument on sex that I started to search the Internet for Christian sex advice to actually give me ammo for all the reasons why I DIDN'T have to have sex like my husband wanted. Boy was I way wrong in my mindset! I think when you set out to try and change someone else it's at that time God changes YOU! We were able to have a wonderful conversation that was frank and honest and we both had our eyes opened. Ever since then we have had an Amazing sex life! It has gone from almost non existent to almost daily ( this with two under two)! I wish more women would read this blog and more men would pray for their wives as hard as my husband prayed for me!

  • Michael Jay says: January 12th, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Improving
    Exploratory
    Careful
    Painless
    Beautiful

    Our sex life had been a low point for a while. Our physical incompatibility almost spelled the end for us because both of us need sexual relief on a regular basis. An agreement to do whatever it took to improve it and have pain-free sex has helped a lot.

    It's awful seeing so many people not having good sex with their spouses. One thing we never experienced was a lack of desire for one another, and I hope we never do.

  • Paul H. Byerly says: January 13th, 2013 at 12:13 am

    More than you and J

    or, I could steal the titles of your two blogs:

    Hot, Holy, Humours Marriage Intimacy

  • JulieSibert says: January 13th, 2013 at 12:16 am

    You crack me up @Paul H Byerly!

  • Z says: January 13th, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Giving
    Growing
    Sacrificing
    Expressive
    Holy

  • joe says: January 14th, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    Bad. Getting worse every MONTH.
    No progression. Always more regression.

    I never say no. She never says yes.

  • joe says: January 14th, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    Sometimes I wish I could swap wives with some of these women in sexless marriages. I know better, I'm just being real and venting.

  • Jason says: January 15th, 2013 at 8:11 am

    @ Joe, real is encouraged but all to rare and it is understandable on all accounts. I wish you the best. A wise man once gave me counsel and I will share:

    Between you and your wife is Jesus. Look him in the face when you are angry or resentful. You are telling him all the things you have to complain about and he is telling you, "how are we?" I have had to repeat that to myself over and over. Believe I know your pain. I am living it every day. I still fight resentment and anger; I struggle to not lash out in hurt and anger. We talk now and again about it but the fact remains we want different things for our sex life and it is a daily struggle just to meet somewhere in the space between. Blessings

  • Seeker says: January 15th, 2013 at 10:15 am

    Semi Sexless, Very Slowly Improving

  • Newly Married says: January 16th, 2013 at 10:11 am

    Married less than 7 months :
    Loving, AMAZING, anticipated, daily, bonding.
    Never knew marriage would be so amazing or that God would give such a desire. Praising HIM for it every day!

  • Katie says: January 16th, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    In a sexless marriage

  • Chris says: January 18th, 2013 at 2:30 am

    Painful, no intimacy, heartless, boring

    Married little more than a year, both virgins when we got married.

  • Mike says: January 18th, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    Rare
    Tender
    Passionate
    Sensual
    Monthly

  • Nicole says: January 20th, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Restored ( after a painful sexual past for myself/ and past porn addiction for my husband)!
    Anticipated
    Passionate
    Exciting
    Frequent ;)

  • Ron says: January 27th, 2013 at 9:10 am

    better
    than
    it
    ever
    was

    I love Pleasanthome advice, "Really, this is the ONLY life you get. Marriage & sex ARE gifts" I think that is why the wife and I are now making the most of everything, sex including and other things. A great marriage and sex is a gift, it makes everything else seem not so important and that we can stand together and face about anything.

  • LavaidaVandelia says: February 15th, 2013 at 10:28 am

    committed, better, cyclical, fulfilling, bonding

    (this after 25 years of marriage (both virgins) and 4 kids- with a 12 year spread; lots of grace still needed; we grow together; ups and downs; we take turns both leading AND being frustrated :) )

  • onefootoutthedoor says: February 21st, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    Tired of being turned down

  • q. banks says: February 22nd, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    passionless
    infrequent
    rare
    hardly
    desperate

  • ILoveMySunshine says: March 4th, 2013 at 2:00 am

    We both would like more.

  • Knocked down but getting up... says: March 24th, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Belittling, denying w/justifying, walking on egg shells, non-communicative and drunk 24/7

    You have NO idea on how bad I want my "wife" back. Massive deaths in her family, menopause, work load stress and school work load...

    Yeah.. fun fun fun....

  • 12YearsMarried@37Years says: March 28th, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    Frustrating, Disappointing, NotWorthTrying, OnlyWhenSheWants, BetterNotToGetMarried

  • TooStupidtoLeaveYearsAgo says: April 1st, 2013 at 4:57 am

    Lacking, disappointing, onlywhenhewanted(once a quarter), enduredfor25years, LEAVING!

  • Dickinson Trickle says: May 8th, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    What Sex? It's non existing!!
    Married for 3 years and no Sex. Time to move on to someone else!

  • Friendzoned says: June 1st, 2013 at 1:39 am

    Not
    Even
    On
    My
    Birthday

  • Brian says: June 25th, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Frustrated.
    Predictable.
    Vanilla.
    Work. (Both been too much work to get and I'm putting in even more work these days because I haven't given up, so I'm...)
    Hopeful.

  • Anonymous says: November 25th, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    nothing since two thousand five

  • Topper says: December 3rd, 2013 at 12:23 am

    1. Seasonal (as in four times a year if I am lucky and obedient)
    2. Predictable (her same way, her same time)
    3. Nuisance (to her)
    4. Dispassionate (not because of me)
    5. Mechanical

  • Reba says: February 5th, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    frequent
    impatient
    dangerous
    incomplete
    separate

  • What 5 Words | My Journey In Sexual Addiction And Recovery says: March 23rd, 2014 at 12:45 am

    […] 5 words to describe your sex life? My 5 Absent, rejected, unimportant, needed, desperate […]

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