3 Ways to Get in the Mood For Sex

Posted on Saturday, October 15th, 2011

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I am not always in the mood for sex.

(I can you hear you gasping from here. My reputation must precede me.)

But hey, I admit it, there are moments -- albeit, they are extremely rare -- when my senses are somewhat dulled to the idea of sex.

Even then, though, I usually can coax my heart and body in the direction of friskiness. Before long, wouldn't you know it, I find myself pleasantly thinking, "Well lookie here, I am in the mood after all!"

Ladies, I get that sex may not be high on your list.

Or even on your list. (Sorry. Just keeping it real).

I know that the details of your daily life are not exactly set against a backdrop of candlelight, satin sheets and Barry White melodies.

I understand how a wife who likely is feeling exhausted can relegate sex to the corner of "maybe tomorrow night dear." (It's hanging out there with the unfolded laundry, the forgotten permission slips and the "I can't believe we ran out of milk again.")

But it doesn't have to be that way. (I'm talking about the sex, not the milk.  If you keep running out of milk, I have no solutions for you. I blog about sex.)

Do you want to get in the mood for sex -- at least more often than you've been in the mood?

Here are 3 ways to do just that:

1. Stop looking at it as a chore.  Just stop it.

Sex with your husband is not a chore, as my fellow blogger pal Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous recently pointed out in her spot-on post. She wryly noted that she has "not once had an orgasm while folding underwear."

She really is hilarious, that one.

The point is our minds are powerful. Lori Byerly recently shared this quote in a post:

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words; watch your words, for they become actions; watch your actions, for they become habits; watch your habits, for they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." (Author isn't known, but isn't it soooo true?)

If you have felt for a long time that sex with your husband is a "task" or a "chore" or a "burden," then I humbly encourage you, wife-to-wife, that you take those thoughts captive.

Don't tell me it can't be done.

God is in the business of transformation.  It's kind of His calling card, you know.

With the Holy Spirit's help, draw a line in the sand and refuse to partner any longer with Satan on his reckless assault on your marriage bed.

When you consistently treat sex as a chore, you might as well throw a point up on the score board for Satan. He loves that, by the way.  Even does one of those annoying celebration dances -- right at the foot of your bed.

2. Ask for more foreplay.  Just ask.

If sexual intimacy is a struggle in your marriage, then have a little committee meeting with the only other person who can help you right the ship -- your husband.

He may not know that if he spent an extra 20-30 minutes exploring your body before entering it, the appeal of sex would go up a few notches for you.  Heck, you may not even know that.

For most women, foreplay is possibly the best indicator of how endearing a sexual experience is going to be. Generally speaking, the better the foreplay, the better the sex.

I've even heard some women say that the foreplay was the best part of the sexual encounter -- and they mean it. Not an ounce of disappointment ringing from their voice.

I have hundreds of ideas on how to make foreplay great, but it's kind of a personal preference sort of thing.

You and your committee member are going to have to do some trial-and-error to get to the definitive feeling of "Gee, I'm so glad I'm not doing laundry right now."

Get the research going, because foreplay is amazing.  Really.  My committee member and I are unanimously in agreement on that.

3. Embrace your power as a wife.

I know -- you may feel discouraged in so many areas of your life.  Maybe your kids are less-than-respectful, your bank account less-than-full, and your house less-than-stunning.

Power as a wife? You're just not feeling it, right?

But guess what?  God did indeed give you power in your marriage.  And by "power," I don't mean conniving, manipulative, mean or controlling.

What I mean is that when you married, one of the roles God bestowed upon you was the right and privilege to sexually satisfy your husband.  No one else can do that for him (at least not in God's eyes).

I know that sexual intimacy is complex, wrought with the potential for a fair amount of miscommunication and disconnect.  I'm not naive.

But I also know that walking in the direction of sexual confidence can help you feel... well... more confident.

Revel in sexually pleasing the man you married.  When you embrace the good and holy power that is reserved for you alone with your husband, it helps get you in the mood.  Really, it does.

Now if the three ways I've given don't help get you in the mood, you could always fall back on some tried-and-true standbys.

Week in Cancun.

2-hour massage at overpriced day spa.

Romantic ride in a horse-drawn carriage.

Yeah. Not on your calendar any time soon?

Alrighty then, let's just go with my three ideas (at least if you want to have sex this week).

Who knows -- maybe you'll find you can't get the grateful smile off your husband's face. Or your own.

Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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Categorized as sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized

12 Responses to
“3 Ways to Get in the Mood For Sex”

  • J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) says: October 15th, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    I think that some wives look at sex bloggers like us, Julie, and think, "You don't have problems because you love sex!" Actually, I learned to love sex, and sometimes I still ain't in the mood.

    Recently hubby and I had a rare moment of no kids in the house, so I was using my time to write a blog post (productive, eh?). My man had different ideas. I followed him to the bedroom and a few minutes into our lovemaking, I pulled back and admitted, "My brain is not all the way here." Despite my body responding, I was mentally writing my blog post in my head. I asked for us to slow down and spend more time in affection and foreplay, which refocused my mind, and we had a lovely time. Asking for what you need and finding ways to get yourself in the mood are so important. Great reminder, Julie!

  • Uzi for short says: October 16th, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Great article.

    Please do you have a link to some of the 'hundreds of ideas to make foreplay great'?

    Pretty please.

    Desperately please . . .


  • Stephanie Shold says: October 20th, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    I am with Uzi! I NEED some foreplay ideas.

  • JulieSibert says: October 20th, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Hi Uzi and Stephanie! Thanks for your comments! I promise I will do a post soon with foreplay ideas!

    In the meantime, my general suggestion would be experiment with different forms of touch -- even long before you make it to the bedroom. Non-chalantly run your hands through your husband's hair... or along the edge of the waistline of his jeans. When you're sitting on the couch (or at a movie, or at church, etc.), gently trace each of his fingers with one of your fingers.

    Of course, touch goes both ways, so encourage your husband to touch you by telling him specifically what you like. If there are certain parts of your body that are particularly sensitive, tell him this. For example, for some women, along the underarm and along the side of the breast and body can be particularly arousing!

    Anyway, like I said... I promise a more extensive post with more ideas soon!


  • create2061 says: September 18th, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    We get in the mood reading your blog. We sometimes check out stories at http://www.marriageheat.com. Your blog is fabulous.

  • Christy says: July 8th, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Simply put. Thank you!

  • Shawna says: November 12th, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    I've been really, REALLY struggling with this lately. I've been treating sex as a chore without even realizing it. My husband told me today that he's pretty much given up, because he's tired of initiating everything himself and feeling as though I'd rather be doing anything else. So I came to the internet for help, because I don't know what to do. Thank you for this little article. Hopefully it helps me be inspired to more than just cry.

  • jane says: November 17th, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Haveing a hard time to get husband in the mood and he does not like forplay to much ever since his ed he has a hard time with sex and say i don"t feel any desier it is not you but me!i think he afarid to fail and the ed pump does not feel natural to hin advice from all would be nice

  • joe says: March 14th, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    hey i was just surfing the internet looking for ways to get my wife in the mood this is a really good site i only wish she had the desire to prioritize sex over home remodeling and all the other crap

  • David says: May 12th, 2014 at 11:20 am

    I like your blogs

  • Michelle says: February 18th, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    I do everything under the sun moon and stars to get my wife in the mood and still there is a never ending drought in the bedroom. I make the dinners, bubble baths, massages, clean house/laundry, i listen to her everyday conversations about work. I do whatever she needs to make sex less of a chore for her. I'm tired of being angry or upset about it, but I love my wife so I refuse to give up or go elsewhere. I've expressed for what feels like years now and she refuses to change it. Our no longer existing sex life has totally put distance not to mention resentment in our marriage. Months or weeks at a time is just Rediculous and the rejection is affecting my self esteem.
    What more can I do?

  • John R says: August 1st, 2015 at 8:42 am

    Julie, as always I love your inspirational comments on sex and intimacy. There is another "foreplay issue" I want to ask about. What do you do when your wife is a constant refuser and when she FINALLY decides that she will allow you the honor of one special 20 minutes ( over that and she says"hurry up". Very intimate huh?) and she DOES NOT WANT any foreplay? Ever. Just get up here. Get missionary and hurry up and ejaculate. Now what? It makes it difficult to even keep an erection. I have to concentrate to climax. What is intimate about that? John R

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