authentic, marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
What Do You Love About Sex?
Jun
My husband and I are big baseball fans.
If we had the cash and time, we’d spend every April basking in the Arizona or Florida sun, soaking up the experience of Major League spring training.
That, in our book, sounds like a little slice of Heaven.
I recognize some of you aren’t baseball fans (there’s grace for that!), but I imagine there is something you thoroughly enjoy just as much, whether it is another sport, hobby or activity.
My stepdad, as well as a good friend of mine from college, are both huge movie buffs. (My stepfather actually owns the DVDs of nearly every movie that has ever won an Academy Award in any of the major categories. I kid you not. Going into his and my mom’s family room is like walking into a movie rental place, where countless DVDs line the walls).
My friend and I went to see a premier of “The Descendants” and actually even were able to attend a Q/A with the director, Alexander Payne, who is from Omaha. I was amazed at the details in the film that my friend noticed that flew right by me.
She loves movies and it obviously shows in her understanding and appreciation for film.
If you were to ask me what I love about baseball, I could rattle off numerous reasons.
I love the rhythm of the game, the ebb and flow of absolute calm and on-the-edge-of-your-seat intensity.
I love the civility of the game; how it is still a place where players (at least most of them) show up with their shirts tucked in. There is a tradition of respect and congeniality that is foundational to the sport.
I love the sound and feel of a ball park, the vendors hawking peanuts, the announcer’s voice drifting over the PA system.
I love how the game can’t end in a tie (“bonus baseball” is what we call it if the game goes into extra innings!)
I love watching our older son steal bases, catch an almost impossible fly ball or pitch a fabulous inning.
I love that it’s a game where there is a lot of subtle idiosyncrasies that accumulate to reveal something of tremendous depth.
I love that it is much more a mental game than a physical game, where pressure exposes a player’s ability to either rise to the occasion or crumble in distress. I even love that the managers can argue with the umps, often with such innate commitment for their player that they are willing to actually be told to leave the ball field. That’s passion!
You get the picture. I love baseball.
If I were to ask you what you love about your favorite hobby or sport or activity, I imagine you too could go on and on about what you love.
But what if I asked you what you love about sex?
Could you with equal enthusiasm tell me why? Could you give me more than 1 or 2 reasons?
This is a valid question for husbands and wives — the opportunity to actually express to each other why they each love sex.
I know I am making a daring assumption that you both do love sex. Even if that does not characterize your marriage, I believe this topic is still an occasion to initiate some much-needed conversation.
If possible, take the time individually to list 5 or more reasons why you love sex.
Ask your spouse to do the same. (And if “love sex” seems like a stretch for one or both of you, then come at it from the angle of… “this is what I envision sex could mean for us.”)
After you each have your list, find uninterrupted time to share your lists, preferably when you both are well-rested, have possibly shared a meal or alone time together, and when the children aren’t likely to sabotage the conversation.
Such a conversation may be cathartic in your marriage.
It likely will open up new avenues to understand your spouse’s heart.
It’s fascinating to me how two people who do so much life together — possibly even for decades — may not truly understand what sex means to each of them. If this is the case in your marriage, I encourage you to courageously broach the topic, and to genuinely listen to each other.
Maybe you’ll even start making more trips around the bases, if you know what I mean.
(Sorry. The baseball fan in me just refuses to take a break!)
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
What a great idea, I can’t wait to bring this up with my husband.
This is a wonderful idea! Sex is a frequent topic of conversation in our marriage, but this tip seems like to could make for even greater understanding and communication in this area. Thanks!
Sharon
Julie its interesting that such few comments have been made on your previous post and this one. Proverbs 5.18-19 tells us to rejoice and be exhilarated with our spouse. But interestingly enough in the footnotes it sends you to Ecclesiastes 9.9. Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your REWARD in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun. Sex is a gift from GOD in a committed covenant marriage but also a reward. We treasure gifts and rewards given but do we as CHRISTIANS really treasure this gift and reward from GOD with our spouses and as it says in Colossians 3.23 Whatever you do,do your work heartily, as for the LORD rather than for men. Glorifying GOD in our bodies is an act of Worship as you have said and an undeserved gift and reward from our AWESOME GOD.
In keeping with the baseball theme…Since Firstborn is playing Summer ball all the way in the Hamptons, we were free yesterday to watch a minor-league game in Chattanooga. It was way too hot out, which made all the fans scoot to the top of the grandstands in search of shade, and the home team looked totally lethargic. Afterwards, Twin A said, “This was my best day of summer so far!”
What I love about sex is the same thing I love about baseball: Even when it’s not great, it’s still pretty good! It’s a chance to connect, escape the mundane and it just might make someone’s day.
I LOVE this idea, Julie! I can come up with a Top 10, I’m sure.
By the way, baseball terminology is wrought with opportunities for double-entendre flirting with the hubby. Bases, homeruns, hitting it out of the park, “way to get a piece!”, and so on. Here at the HHH household, we like to mix our baseball and sex. LOL!
What I just adore about sex with my wife is No 1. the closeness I mean like, it is as close as we can get and it feels terrific to press myself into her and feel her squeezing, willing response. With my arms around her for the moment we are in total consumption of each other and the only lovers in the universe. No 2. As a man I am a thruster and that just feels so very terrific and also and makes me feel whole and powerful and healthy when she is under me where she loves to be. No 3. I crave the raw passion that brings me back to her again and again. No 4. I love quickies and I love slow gourmet style sex where every touch and movement is savored and prolonged. No 5. I absolutely enjoy tuning into my wife sexually and making rich heavenly music as she becomes putty in my hands. No 6 It is a little more rare than it should be but… when she initiates sex or responds with enthusiasm this is like heaven. The world stops nothings else matters and for the moment we are breathing, loving, panting, writhing, and intensely experiencing the reward of hot pursuit. We call it a major meltdown. It way beyond and orgasm and so much better and felt and a much deeper level when two lovers both want to give each other the gift of pure joy! All my love spills into her as she explodes with pleasure at the same time. It does not get better than that except for the next time we pursue each other. It just keeps getting better!!! Eager sex by two long time lovers is an experience that touches the sole more deeply than possible in any other way. It’s intimacy at its best. Neither of us ever experienced anyone else but this is terrific and that is an understatement to the ten power. Just the feeling of oneness is so bonding but when you look away for a little, make your relationship not so important this thing of sex is not near as good. Pursuit is work! but wow it is so much fun too and the reward…. when she gets bak home in a few hours, I am going to practice what I just said see if it still works! It will! and it will be good. Only God could invent and create something this wonderful. He is good God and the giver of all good gifts!
I love that feeling of skin-on-skin, head-to-toe, total giving into each other, falling in a sea of sheets, and happily drowning in our passion.
I love that after 20 years, we still get to explore each other’s body with the same joy and sense of discovery.
I love that we often laugh, after sex, with abandonment, like kids.
I love that it is still new, different, and wonderfully the same discovery every time.
I love that sex, after 21 years, she still leaves marks on my back, and me breathless. Tell that to the 20-something of today.
I love that sex is better than sex.
I posted this on TMB a few weeks ago but I thought it answered the question posed here as well:
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Post by landschooner » Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:44 pm
…….I enjoy HAVING sex with my wife and giving her an O. Usually through a combination of [methods]. The longer it takes, the stronger her O usually is. And to be honest, when she is getting there, and is telling me not to stop…….
(had to stop for tears here. I didnt expect that.)
When she is telling me not to stop, begging me not to stop, I feel desired. I don’t often feel desired.
I could LIVE, right there, in that moment.
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Great post, good idea. (or vice versa). My marriage is going thru some growth this year, and one area is improving our communication, understanding sexual needs, and talking about sex in general without feeling uncomfortable. And neither of us is what you would consider a prude. 🙂 I will definitely use this as a conversation starter. A good, positive way to initiate growth (rather than heated emotional exchanges that sometimes are the most unpleasant catalyst).