marriage problems, sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized
Why You Like the Sex Depicted in Chick Flicks
“Was it love… or was it the idea of being in love?”
That is a lyric from the song “One Slip” by Pink Floyd. I had the album back in the day and have essentially forgotten everything on it, with the exception of that one lyric.
“Was it love… or was it the idea of being in love?”
Seriously, the lyric comes to me randomly. More than likely because I believe it so succinctly characterizes many women’s perspective on relationships.
There is a reason women are drawn to chick flicks and romance novels. And there is a reason every wedding we attend stirs within us a feeling that we likely could not adequately describe, but of which we are completely aware. I won’t say guys are clueless to this phenomenon when they sit at weddings, but I don’t think their experience traces its way back to childhood dreams. It’s not woven into their fabric the way it is woven into ours.
Make no mistake, every romantic movie and Disney fairytale is written with the female audience in mind.
We as women are drawn to the idea of being in love.
The idea of being in love is free of the tarnish and messiness that real love brings to the table.
The idea of being in love — and the sex within that vision — always appears flawless. They are scenes that grip our hearts because they resonate with what we imagine being treasured is like and what we envision true romance must be.
Was it love… or was it the idea of being in love?
So it should come as no surprise that many wives who spent a good portion of their growing up years with their eyes on such a vision — and now partake of it again in the form of romantic chick flicks and romance novels — may be less than enthused with real life sex.
Real life sex looks nothing like the sex portrayed romantically in entertainment or books.
And herein is where too many women allow themselves to get stuck, drowning in disappointment with the reality that real life rarely resembles make believe. They don’t push through that initial disappointment to discover that real life sex is actually better.
Yes. Real life sex is better.
At least it has the potential to be, because… well… real life sex is real. It has benefits that reveal to us authentic marital love in a way that a chick flick never can. I’ll never be one to say sexual intimacy is the only expression of love in a marriage. But when a husband and wife relentlessly and intentionally protect and nurture that bond, something indescribable happens.
You like the sex depicted in chick flicks and romance novels because it is rooted in the idea of being in love.
But authentic love, demonstrated first to us by our Savior, requires something more. It takes courage and maturity to stop holding up our marriage against a backdrop of well-lit, perfectly orchestrated illusions.
Hey, I love chick flicks just as much as the next gal.
I just don’t want to build my marriage — or sex within my marriage — upon those kind of notions. I want to live within a marriage that though brimming with mess and miscues, is rich in a connection that touches me at my deepest point.
Emotionally. Spiritually. Physically.
Was it love or was it the idea of being in love?
Oh, it’s love. It’s definitely love.
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
This realy resonates with me. Thank you!
“I won’t say guys are clueless to this phenomenon when they sit at weddings, but I don’t think their experience traces its way back to childhood dreams. It’s not woven into their fabric the way it is woven into ours.”
It isn’t woven into us, but it does grow within us as we get older. Some of us men have a deep yearning for love and romance that matches what’s portrayed in movies (that is, the more plausible ones worth watching, such as “A Walk to Remember”).
I vote with Greg.
My view on this has definitely changed as I’ve grown older. I certainly want and desire deep intimacy with my bride.
I am deeply moved by a wedding.
Thank you so much Ann, Greg and Robert for your comments!
I’m encouraged by all of your comments… I agree that some men, as they age in particular, grow to appreciate romance and love in a way that they maybe didn’t when they were younger.
Blessings to each of you!!! Happy 2012!
That’s so true Julie,and something so important for all married ladies to know. Thanks
You were once into Pink Floyd?
I didn’t think it was possible to respect your wisdom more.
And you’re right about that lyric; it’s always stuck with me too.
The modern epidemic of “romantic comedies” do to females what visual pornography does to males: Makes it harder for them to have meaningful relationships in the real world.
@Topper: correct! All marital fairy tales sold to women stop at the altar (“and they lived happily ever after”). Julie said a great line on this site once to brides – are you known for your wedding or your marriage? Most certainly the marital stories women are sold NEVER have the female working on their marriage, it’s the male who must treat her like a Princess.