Is Negative Sexual Bias Sabotaging Great Sex in Your Marriage?

My husband and I once helped someone put together a desk from IKEA.

It was our first experience with anything from IKEA, the Scandinavian superstore selling home furnishings and accessories across the world.

I have never even been to an IKEA, but I have heard many people rave about the store. The closest that people from Omaha, Nebraska, can get to an IKEA is to travel to a suburb of Kansas City, Minneapolis or Denver. The store has a bit of a cult following, and I do know several Omahans who have made the trek to buy wares from the store.

Let’s just say the desk assembly experience left a lot to be desired. We were not impressed. At all.

I have a bias now against IKEA. But is that really fair? Should I malign the entire store all because of one piece of furniture? Probably not.

That same dynamic happens with sex. We can easily develop negative biases based on one experience that didn’t impress us. Or we can develop a bias based only on something someone told us, without genuinely praying or trying to understand for ourselves if what they said is rooted in truth.

And yes, I know some sexual biases are justified. We’ve accumulated enough personal experience or study to know that something sexual isn’t right for us or our marriage.

But some biases are flimsy. They aren’t justified. They aren’t based on much—yet we continue to relentlessly cling to them, and we end up sabotaging intimacy.

One example may be that someone you respect (such as a parent or close friend) insinuated or outwardly told you that “good girls” never initiate sex. And because of that declaration, you now have a bias against initiating. You just won’t do it.

But is it truly godly or accurate to say “good girls” never initiate sex? Is it wrong for a wife to initiate sex with her husband? Absolutely not. So if that’s a bias you hold, it potentially is hurting you, your spouse and your marriage. That’s just one example. I’m sure if we sat down over coffee, we could collectively come up with other examples as well.

I encourage you to hold your biases up. And figure out which ones may be robbing you of authentic godly passionate sexual connection with the person you married.

And yes, I know this whole thing about biases can work in the positive direction, too. We’ve gathered enough personal experience or study to know something IS right and holy for us and our marriage. Those are good biases. They are worth fueling! They are worth nurturing and falling back on time and time again.

Pay attention to your biases. Check them and don’t be afraid to challenge the negative ones that don’t have much substance behind them—even if you’ve stood firmly in them for a long time.

For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.

Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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