February of this year marked my 10th year writing this blog. To date, I’ve written nearly 770 blog posts. Well over half a million words.
When I began speaking and writing about sex in marriage, I was eager. I’m sure I embarked with way more naivety than should be allowed with such an undertaking.
I just knew that with the right words and the right approach, I could convince so many people to pay so much more attention to sex in their marriage. See what I mean? Way more naivety than should be allowed.
Oh I am humbly grateful that God has used my words and my heart to help transform some marriages in this area of sexual intimacy. I’ve always believed that in those marriages, one or both spouses were already leaning in the direction of healthy change. I just gave the nudge for them to stop leaning and to start doing something—anything—to repair sexual brokenness and nurture sexual passion.
Early in my blogging endeavors, I would be easily offended and agitated by people who got defensive about something I wrote. After all, I was on a mission of good! How could anyone argue with me about why it was so important for married couples to be enjoying sex to the fullest?! Oh wow. See what I’m talking about with the naivety?
Over the years, I’ve grown calmer; more appreciative of how messy life is and how messy marriage is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still enthusiastic to sing the praises of healthy sexual intimacy and how amazing sexual pleasure is between a husband and wife.
I love sex and I’m hoping others will love it, too. I just no longer see it as my responsibility to bring so many people over to my way of thinking. I realize better now that there’s no reason to take offense when people disagree with me. There’s no reason to feel hurt when others are agitated or indifferent by something I wrote.
Can I convince you to pay attention to sex in your marriage? Maybe. But if I can, it says way more about your readiness than it does about my ability as a writer or speaker or advocate.
Life is messy. Marriage is messy. The solutions are not always crisp and clear (with anything really, including marriage and sex). I am probably more uninhibited in my writing nowadays, but at the same time, way less concerned about how people take me. I don’t think I can win over every heart and mind, no matter how good I think my reasoning might be at any given time. And that’s okay.
So I’m going to keep writing. And I’m going to keep trusting that the pieces will fall where they may. God will sift through it and some of it will impact some marriages in a tender way or an eye-opening way. And some of it will get swept away. And that’s okay. Can I convince you to pay attention to sex in your marriage? Maybe. Just maybe.
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