authentic, passion, Uncategorized
Single? While Sex May be Off Limits, Your Sexuality is God Given
Jan
Sure, we know that the Bible is clear that sex is for married people, not for singles.
But that doesn’t mean single people don’t experience sexual desire.
By God’s very design, He wired us for sexual attraction, thoughts, longings and curiosity.
Those things aren’t simply flipped on once someone sports a wedding ring. More often than not, they are on the scene long before a wedding.
Some of you struggle with sexual desires, yet haven’t acted upon them.
And some of you may be struggling with shame because of ways you haven’t maintain your purity — and you’re wondering how to do things God’s way going forward.
If you have never been married, or if you are divorced, how do you navigate sexual feelings and singleness?
While exploring sexual intimacy as a single person is not a Godly reaction, trying to pretend those feelings don’t exist isn’t a solution either.
No matter our situation, God wants to grow us through self-control, teach us intimate truths about His love and strength and forgiveness, and equip us for righteousness in all areas of our life.
I’ve pulled together some links to posts from various marriage bloggers that address singleness and sexuality.
My hope is that if you are single, you will glean from these posts encouragement and insights for the journey.
Every post does not apply to every situation, but I guarantee there are nuggets of gold in here:
What to Do With Sexual Desire Before Marriage
Coming to Terms With Sexual Desire as a Single Woman
A Letter to Those Who Feel They Have Lost Their Purity
How to Handle Your Sexual Desires as a Single Girl
How Do I Defeat Sexual Temptation?
How Intimate Can You Really Get and Still Remain Pure
I Chose Celibacy: 5 Reasons to Abstain
Sex Before Marriage: 6 Reasons Why and How to Prevent It
You Don’t Want to Lose Him… But Maybe You Should
6 Signs He or She Isn’t Marriage Material
7 Things I Would Tell My Single Self
Staying Sexually Pure When You’re Divorced and Dating (Part 1)
Staying Sexually Pure When You’re Divorced and Dating (Part 2)
I also want to point out a great blog post I came across that isn’t necessarily about singles and sexuality, but does have some tremendous points. It is called 10 Ways to Not Hate Being Single by Kris Vallotton. Great read.
And Lee Warren, a Christian writer I know, has written a devotional for singles. It is not specifically about sexuality, but I wanted to include it here because I think he offers some valuable insights, particularly for people who have never been married and are age 30+.
Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Julie, thank you for speaking about this.
I wish I knew why God gave singles (esp. men) such strong sex drives and an ongoing fascination and awe for the beauty of women, but I don’t.
I’ve tried to work through the questions and frustrations for years (waitingforintimacy.com), but the truth is it there is tremendous pain in the lack of companionship and sexual intimacy, and makes you question not only your attractiveness and desirability to the other sex, but also your sense of value as a person.
Am not trying to be a “Debbie Downer”, but in a way, a mixed blessing in still being single into my later 40s (and trying to deal with increased/increasing stress) is reduced libido, and as a result, lust and sexual desire are virtually non-existant compared to the younger years.
At the end of the day, I have to honor God in every way I can–even the denial of God-given yearnings and longings for companionship and sexual intimacy that he called “good” (Genesis 2:18) and hard-wired me with. Whatever pain is part of that, has to be acknowledged and lived with.
Greg: The same goes for women. Every one of my single female friends is dealing with this pain.
Except that the libido is not going down, it’s going up… I do want to stay fit and healthy, not only for a potential future spouse, but for the Lord and His service.
The worst is, there is very few opportunities to even meet Christian men with similar values – and the ones seem to have no interest in developing friendships with women.
It is a delicate and painful subject that easily creates misunderstandings and ‘men vs. women’ battleground… It should not be so.
I can only pray that God opens up safe venues for singles to meet each other in a natural and constructive way, and courage for us all to actually meet others and do our part.
Shutting down emotioanally is the constant temptation, but I pray to avoid that…
And one more thing..
I don’t presume to know anyone else’s situation, only my own background. There are many more women than men.. and I hear that is the situation in many church settings in America as well.
My suggestion to men would be, don’t expect a perfect woman to fall into your lap (although God surely could make that to happen…).. But pray and ask if there is a single woman (flawed and imperfect) that you could be friendly to and show her the love of Christ.
Most women would absolutely be grateful for that – we are so neglected and ignored 🙂
I’m not saying that attraction isn’t important, but God may lead you to a surprising choice… someone you never expected – and someone you’ll truly enjoy 🙂
Even if she is not this career woman that most men here seem to adore.. she can be a loving, loyal and passionate wife.
NGal, thank you for sharing! Like you noted, the lack of safe venues–and available quality time for that face-to-face interaction for singles to meet one another is (IMO) one of the biggest hurdles.
Just for the record, I don’t at all expect a ‘perfect’ woman (physically or otherwise); especially when I myself fall short in multiple areas–ones that have (and still do) make me doubt that attactiveness and desirability to women as a potential spouse. I feel badly that libido goes up for women as they get older; because outside of marriage, those God-given longings and desires meant for great joy and pleasure turn into tremendous pain and frustration. 🙁
As much as I want to pray for a spouse, I honestly can’t, because it’s difficult to feel that God hasn’t already made His decision/will clear. I’m sure I’m not the only single who senses this?
It took untill I was 48 for me to be ready to meet my wife,it WAS WELL worth the wait. Think on praying to be ready when God brings you together with that SPECIAL person. It was hard, but I got comfortable with being single and suddenly there she was and. 3 years now.?
But Kris Valloten is married. I think older singles would prefer to hear this from another long term single who really knows what they are talking about.