sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
3 Ways to Be (Slightly) More Adventurous Sexually
Apr
Have you ever grown bored with sex in your marriage?
Come on, now. It’s just you and me talking here.
(Well, you and me and the 2 or 3 other people who read my blog. Maybe 5 people at the most.)
Have you ever grown bored with sex in your marriage?
I admit, I have.
Though sex with my beloved is deliciously satisfying 99.9% of the time, there are occasional moments when our sexual encounters are rather predictable. Too predictable. (He’d say the same thing, so I’m not exactly divulging any big confession here).
If you can relate, trust me — it’s no cause for alarm. It’s not a reflection of the depth of your love or strength of your marriage.
Like a lot of things that we do repetitively in life, sexual encounters with our spouse are not always created equal. This reality doesn’t surprise us in other areas of life.
Not all trips to the park or home-cooked meals or Christmas celebrations or family vacations fall equally high on the “wow” chart every single time, right?
If things in your marriage bed have become too tame… or too bland… how about becoming slightly more adventurous sexually?
Here are 3 suggestions:
1. Try a different position.
If missionary position isn’t exactly rocking your world, consider giving your husband a break… and you get on top for a change.
Many wives, in fact, really like this position because they have better control over the stimulation on their clitoris.
And many husbands enthusiastically admit they love all the fringe benefits that come with this position. Not only does he not have to exert so much of the physical strength required for sex, he also has his hands free to do some exploring of your body.
I’m going to take an educated guess and say he likes that. Highly probable he also likes the experience of his wife being sexually assertive. You’re calling the shots in this position, which I imagine he finds rather hot.
Oh, and there’s the whole visual thing going on. He gets such a great view of your body. Don’t let body image hangups hold you back.
Another position that takes a little coordination the first few times you try it, but can totally bring new sensations to the playing field, is a husband entering his wife’s vagina from behind.
Before you think this is a position that would only appeal to him, consider the fact that wives often find this position is more satisfying than missionary position when it comes to stimulation of the clitoris and G spot.
For more on positions, check out my wildly successful post Sexual Positions: Hey, I’m a Housewife, Not a Gymnast.
Feeling self conscious about trying different positions?
Just remember that your sexual intimacy is happening in private. The worst that could happen is you and your spouse end up laughing hysterically (or I suppose, you could injure yourself and end up in the emergency room trying to explain your predicament, but let’s not worry about that right now, okay?)
The best that could happen? Well, you might just find something you both really like.
2. Have sex in a different room.
I’m not going to lie. I think couch sex can be totally arousing in ways that bedroom sex just lacks.
Yes, if you have kids at home, you probably need to save the living room or family room sexual escapades for either when the kids are at sleepovers or late into the night when they are sound asleep.
Even so, just a change of venue within your own house can add some adventure to your sexual intimacy.
3. All hands on deck.
Okay, that’s probably an odd way to say it.
But have you really explored how you can arouse your spouse simply with your hands? Full body massage? Extended light caresses? Use of warm oil?
Anyway, you get the idea. This is kind of like extended foreplay… where foreplay is the appetizer, main dish and dessert. My pal J did a post on how to give a hand job, if you’re interested. It’s really quite good, so I highly recommend it. (The post, that is. Well, and the hand jobs too, of course).
These are just three suggestions.
I imagine you and your spouse could come up with some other ideas to invigorate your sexual intimacy while still keeping things beautifully sacred and exclusive.
Occasional boredom may visit your bedroom every now and then, but it’s up to you and your husband to make sure it doesn’t take up permanent residence.
Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Hi, first off i really enjoy your blogs. These are great tips but i have a sort of unique situation. My husband has gained almost 100 lbs since we’ ve been together. And he is very self- conscience. The 2 or 3 times a month we have sex its always me on top and ME initiating it. This month i gave up because im tired of talking and trying to help him anyway i can to no avail. So no sex the whole month of April : ( i just really needed to vent because i dont have anyone i can talk to ( except my husband) so thank you and please keep up the good work
Sigh. I wish my wife would feel this way. We have sex at most, 3 ways – missionary, her on top, sitting. When I suggest from behind, no matter what anyone else has said that “too animalistic – thats how animals do it”. When I then point out that animals “kiss”, caress, hold, hug, snuggle too, so I guess thats out, she rolls her eyes.
Of course, we have sex at best every other month (currently we are at 4 times in the last 10 months), so there isn’t real opportunity for “fun” or trying something different. By that time its just desperation, and I hardly last at all anyways.
Ah yes, couch sex. very hot. Just make sure to keep one ear open for your teenagers car pulling on to the driveway on the off chance that he decides to come home early from work because he’s not feeling well. Be ready to grab all clothing that might be strewn about the room as you flee to the safety of your bedroom. haha!
Thank you Julie for the great tips:)
You’re so right. Changing things up makes life fun. Though I did actually clutz out & manage to sprain my finger when I lost my balance while enjoying ourselves. We ended up laughing & the doc @ the urgent care center had a smirk. Though he did tell me I was not the most interesting injury he’d seen, just the most honest.
These tips are great, especially when you’re early on in the process of investigating you and your partner’s sexuality. Simple experimentation like this can go a long way towards opening doors that neither of you may have even known existed previously!
I’m sorry, but all of this is gross.
i wish you would talk more about long distance marriages, what can we do to keep intimacy with our spouses in these modern days?
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We make love more from behind than we do missionary. 🙂
Grow some gonads “anonymous” there’s nothing remotely gross or immature about this blog. There isn’t any mention of oral sex nor sodomy. It’s a Christian blog that suggest hand jobs and the cowgirl position… Really??? The teenager you passed today on the way to work reads and does much grosser
My partner wants to spice things up in the bedroom and of course I want too I’m pregnant aswell he loves anal and deep throat but what can I do to spice things up we have a couple of toys but he can get bored 🙁
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