sex, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
4 Confessions from a Sex Blogger
They may not be “confessions” so much as they are simply a revelation about me as someone who blogs about sexual intimacy in marriage.
If you follow my blog or even if this is your first time here, these are 4 things I really want you to know.
1. I’m a real person.
My house is messy. My marriage isn’t perfect. My kids disobey. I have ups. I have downs. I don’t always know what I’m fixing for dinner.
My laundry, whether clean or dirty, spends more time in baskets than any place else.
My dog doesn’t stay in the fence. My car doesn’t always start (although, I do sleep with my mechanic, so car problems rarely plague me for long).
If I had the time, I would blog 2 or 3 times a day about sex, because I have that many ideas rolling around in my head. Seriously.
People say to me, “How do you come up with ideas?” To which I sigh and think to myself, “So many ideas. So little time.”
But I don’t blog every day because I am more than a sex blogger. My Lord, my husband and my kids get first dibs on me, followed closely by any friend or acquaintance who wants to sit with me and drink coffee.
Or wine. I like wine too.
I absolutely LOVE blogging, but I have to squeeze it in amidst a whole long list of other things vying for my attention.
2. I love hearing from readers.
Please comment on posts and share them. More often than not, dialogue is good and helps us all grow. As Christians, we need to be generating healthy discussion on sexual intimacy.
If you have a question or idea for a post, don’t hesitate to email me. Sometimes I reply to emails right away. Other times I take weeks. For reasons behind that, see point #1.
If I don’t reply right away, don’t take it personally. I’m probably busy trying to figure out which frozen pizza to put in for dinner.
Also, as far as comments, I moderate them, meaning they won’t instantly appear. I approve almost all of them, though. I draw the line when people start giving advice that is attacking or is clearly outside the lines of generally accepted Christian values.
You can leave comments anonymously. Even though I ask for a name and email address, you can fill in bogus info if you want.
You don’t have to fear leaving your real email address, though, because that doesn’t publish (plus, if you leave your real email address, I can ask you a question if there is something I don’t understand about your comment).
3. I’m technically inept.
Apparently being adept in one area (sex) doesn’t necessarily translate into proficiency in another area (computer skills). Oh well.
I try to make sure my website works and occasionally I’ll try some new technical gadget, but for the most part, what you see is what you get.
I might try incorporating more video soon (not that kind of video! Maybe some video of me answering reader questions?! What do you think of that idea?).
I am always open to technical ideas — if you know of some cool thing I should have on my site, by all means, please tell me. It’s unlikely I will discover it all on my own.
Oh, and will you please follow me on my Facebook page and Twitter.
I pretty much understand these, although I admit the main page of my Facebook page isn’t formatted right. See what I mean?! Oh the irony.
4. I’m not a lone ranger.
Some people think I am a renegade as a Christian wife speaking out so boldly about all things sexual within marriage, but I’m in good company.
If I had more time, I would spend countless hours singing the praises of these fellow Christian bloggers with whom I’m humbly privileged to journey the internet landscape:
Paul and Lori Byerly, who each blog at The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife. Such mentors and forerunners as Christians writing about sex. They aren’t afraid to take on tough topics and to be real about their own journey. I appreciate that so much.
Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous, who blogs anonymously Hot, Holy and Humorous. I know her personally and will be the first to vouch that she too is a real person. Such a fabulous writer. I wish I had her skills. I’m always telling her I’m like a grasshopper at her feet.
Brad and Kate Aldrich of One Flesh Marriage. I’m blessed to consider them friends as well and I appreciate the completeness of their blog, with each of them alternating back and forth between the husband’s perspective and the wife’s perspective.
Stu and Lisa Gray, who have a radio show at One Stupendous Marriage. They have such mad chops for radio… you feel like you are having a conversation with two people who get it. They really have walked hard places in their marriage and have had the courage to speak out of their own story with such boldness and hope.
Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage. As I have often said about this man, he loves his wife, he loves his kids and he loves encouraging people in their marriages. Those are some mighty fine qualities if you ask me.
Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of One Extraordinary Marriage. They are as real as it gets. Love them and their podcast. Tony and Dustin (Riechmann) also run this cool marriage fitness site called Fit Marriage.
Lori Lowe of Marriage Gems. Lori and I have a lot in common and I am grateful to grace the world of blogging with her. She wrote an amazing book, and the vast majority of her content on her blog is research based. Suffice to say, she knows what she blogs about.
Tom and Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard. They do indeed offer a “rich harvest of ideas to help your marriage grow.” Tremendously good stuff coming out of this blog.
Sheila Gregoire, who blogs at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. When I grow up, I want to be like Sheila! She’s a forerunner also as a Christian wife speaking honestly about sex. She’s also coming out with a new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex.
Scott and Jenni Means of Journey to Surrender. Such tender humility and love for the Lord shine through in this blog. Plus, Scott was born in Nebraska, so obviously he is cool. I was born in Nebraska too.
If I could, I would have one big camping trip with all these people. For some reason, I think Tony and Dustin would bring good beer (I could just be imagining this though). And Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous would definitely do all the cooking. Rumor has it she loves cooking.
Want to know more about me? You can find out more here.
Were you hoping for someone a little more polished and together? Sorry to disappoint.
I’m just your average everyday gal who happens to love sex. And loves to talk about it. My friend Brent says that I could turn any conversation into one about sex. I don’t know about that. He could be right though.
Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
great websites, I can’t wait to read “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex”, frozen pizza sounds kind of good right now. I think you’re blog is very technically well done!
I love your priorities! And your blog.
I relate so much to all of your “confessions.” Thanks for your words of encouragement. I feel blessed as well to share the mission for better, more intimate marriages with you and these other folks.
As to the cooking, my husband asked if this was a weight loss camping trip. Your rumor mill is throwing out some doosies these days. LOL!
Love ya, friend. May God bless and keep you.
Just wanted to say thanks for what you do. I only found this blog a few weeks ago but have become a subscriber. Your efforts are appreciated.
I was wondering whether you could do a post about sex when on medication. I’m on antidepressants and I wish I wanted to have sex but most of the time I don’t. I wish I could just go off them and have my normal sex drive back but it’s just not an option. Maybe you know nothing about this an I understand but if you have any input I’d love to hear it. Love your blog! Thanks for writing it.
I greatly appreciate your–and all those bloggers you mentioned–willingness to speak the truth about biblical sexuality. Sex is God’s design–his turf, but Satan’s twisting and using it against us as a weapon MUST be brought to light and dealt with from Scripture. So many churches need to understand this, move outside of their comfort zones, and start seriously dealing with it.
I’ll bring the wine . . . I know-shocker! But Brad and I do love good wine! And I don’t like to cook, but praise the Lord, Brad does! I appreciate this post so much and that you took the time to write it! I often have these thoughts running through my head and heart! We think you are amazing and are so blessed to be counted in your camping trip! God is good and I am in awe of His plan and purposes for marriage and intimacy! 🙂 Keep doing what you are doing for the kingdom!
Confessions, yes, I too have many. Since we are so new to this blogging world we are still constantly being amazed by the response and the amount of others that share our unashamed desire for couples to grow their marriages and their sex life upon the Word of God. Glad to be in good company.
Megan
Glad to see you are a *real* person, like the rest of us.
The line “although, I do sleep with my mechanic” made me snort my coffee on my keyboard.. Now I need a new one. The website is relaxingly perfect. It works, what is important is the content you add to it and not the gadgets… Glad to know you like sex with your husband. He is a lucky man. Between me and my wife, although most things are working out rather well, when it comes to sex… we ( well, she ..) hits the brakes. She would rather ( and she does ) spend her time on spiritual growth books, and inner healing conferences , classes, and mission trips… than sex. When I confront her with this issue what I hear is “God comes first, and I need to be a complete person with Christ, without the *need* for you to complete myself, and the same should go for you” is the usual mantra that leaves my side of the bed rather cold. We spoke about it, she read some of your articles, then things get better for a day or two, then it’s back to her books, videos, etc… I am more of a person that need to feel some skin on skin. Not necessarily “going all the way” every time, if you get my hint. There are evenings that I just need to leave the bills to pay, my fears, kids issues, all out of the bedroom, and have my wife and bride to hold and make love, have sex, hug, tickle, laugh.. Just one lousy hour every now and then. Life out there is rather frightening at times, and I just *need* her to be with me so I can forget things for a bit, so I can relax, follow the shape of her hips in the moonlight, hold her, and know I am not alone. Does having this need make me a bad, lousy, incomplete or broken Christian ? I seriously start to think so.
Sorry for venting so much. Keep writing, sleep with your mechanic, the website is good as it is. Maybe add a few pictures of your family, so we know you guys better..
Until my marriage was on the skids a couple of years ago, and I started to browse the internet looking for Christian support, I had never heard or read anything about a Christian approach to sex in marriage. Indeed, I thought it was more like a Christian approach to sex outside marriage, and summed up in a single word, “Don’t!”
I visit many of the sites you have mentioned fairly regularly, and I would simply thank God for all of you bloggers on Christian marriage. I would also thank the contributors to boards like “The Marriage Bed” who can often help one to refine the questions one needs to ask internally, and who will sometimes tell me, usually in private messages to spare my blushes, don’t do that, it’s stooooopid!
Many of the ladies who blog (Julie, Mrs. HHH, Sheila Gregoire) have a particularly important message to get across. But so often the wives who need to read them simply pass them by because they don’t think that sex is important in a marriage. My own wife has told me, “I thought sex was meant to be the glue that held a marriage together, but with us it appears to be sand in the bearings, bringing it to a grinding halt.” I know that Mark and Grace Driscoll at Mars Hill in Seattle have started a series on marriage, and I have seen some disagreements about it on a Christian discussion board, but at least they are bringing the subject into the open. I have been a Christian adult for nearly 33 years now, but have never heard a sermon on the place of sex in marriage. The nearest I ever heard any preacher come to that was one who said that Paul wishes we were all celibate. I suspect most churches are giving marriage a similarly high profile, so if it were not for the bloggers (more power to your keyboards), most of us would have no Christian input about marriage at all.
Oh, I would DEFINITELY bring great beer!
Thanks for the kind mention. I love what you do!
Dustin
Julie, thank you for this post. You have it right on – we are all just ridiculously normal people with whom God chooses to use for extraordinary things. Having been facing technical trouble for the past month, then being named on this post by you with all these other excellent marriage bloggers is simply a privilege we don’t take lightly.
BTW, we both love to cook and LOVE wine. 🙂 It is an honor to share this journey with you!!
Blessings,
Debi
Can we camp somewhere that has inside bathrooms? I had some really rough camping trips when I was a kid – involving thunderstorms, having to sleep in the car, and getting pooped on by birds, etc. So, If we can camp inside that would be great. 🙂
Thanks for the kind words Julie! Love what you do and who you are!!
Stu
I am so happy to find your blog! I’ve just recently started reading several of the blogs you mentioned, wanting some inspiration on this topic from a Christian–or at least marriage–point of view instead of the usual messages from our culture and the (what I consider) ugly stuff on the internet.
And through one of the other blogs, I just discovered you today. I’m 41–you know what they say about women in their 40s (wink wink)–and I find I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I don’t blog on this topic, but I do blog and may consider it more someday. As I see way too many of my friends’ marriages crumbling around me, I cling ever more tightly to my own wonderful marriage and it is such a benefit to have bloggers giving advice on this topic. So thank you!
Thank you so much, Julie! I find your website helpful in several ways. 1. It’s always a relief to hear a Christian admit their limits and weaknesses and just being “normal”. Probably there is no such person out there like what we imagine other “Perfect Christians” to be!
2. I so appreciate your list of other Christians who write about sex. And I trust your ideas more since you are obviously connected to others in the Body!
3. I agree with Roberto- your website and blogs are “relaxingly perfect”.
Like Emmie, I also would like to know how I can have a higher interest in sex (like previously) while on anti-depressants.
God did recently set me free a bit: I got convicted of neglecting our marital physical time (sex or snuggling) for chores or reading. I told my husband, flipped through some Christian sex books, cried and prayed, “I don’t know how to initiate because I don’t feel that confident!” Got some new ideas to try, talked again to hubby, and a couple times I had more confidence to initiate sex!
Our sexual selves are complex, but we can encourage each other that God can give us freedom and joy in little bits.
Hi,
I am a newbie to your blog and I wanted you to know that I LOVE IT!
Thank you for your dedication and commitment to being the very best you, the you He created you to be! 🙂 I am blessed beyond measure to have come across your writings, they are great, easy and fun to read truths from the word of God.
I am of Scottish origin, married just 4 years to My Indian Prince and together with our 3 beautiful daughters, we live in South Yorkshire in England. Our first daughter was conceived just 6 weeks after we married and quickly we went from being active newlyweds to overwhelmed new parents! In under 3 years we had 2 more babies and now with a very busy home we are determined to get back that level of intimacy we started out with, as is our motto in our marriage: “No matter what!” Already in the few days since I began reading, we have seen some level of change and improvement achieved 🙂
Thanks once again, we look forward to hearing more from you soon
I seriously want in on a women’s camping trip!! Would love a weekend of positive sex talk.