marriage problems, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized
Birth Control. Sheila Gregoire. And a Conversation You Don’t Want to Miss.
Lately I’ve been a little self-absorbed.
See, I have a broken finger (long story) with some slight tendon damage thrown in as well.
Saving grace is it is on my non-dominant hand. Still annoying though.
See what I mean?! I’m self-absorbed.
So imagine my relief when I still managed to stumble upon this phenomenal conversation author and speaker Sheila Gregoire generated about birth control on her blog.
First there was her post Which Birth Control Method Is Best?. Then she followed it up with Christian Birth Control Round-Up .
(Both posts are DEFINITELY worth the read, so check them out).
I gotta give Sheila a shout out on this, because it is a topic that in particular impacts women — and can be a monumental issue in marriage. (See why her posts resonated with me?! Women. Sex. Marriage. I’m all ears for discussions like this).
Whether we admit it or not, decisions about birth control (or lack thereof) are made in marriage — at least in marriages where the possibility of conception exists. Couples make those decisions either consciously or sub-consciously — with information or without.
Not surprisingly, many Christians don’t like to discuss birth control, what with all the theologies, opinions, facts and occasional news stories intermingling.
I think I have mentioned birth control in only one of my previous posts. Lord knows, though, I have more than some passing thoughts on it.
For one, there was that mild stroke I had when I was 19 (On the pill. Not married. First sexual experience.)
Yes, a mild stroke. Experienced by little ol’ me.
Not fun I might add.
Granted, I can point to a few other things that likely contributed to the stroke, but hey… in hindsight it’s hard to not wonder about the fine print I did not read on the birth control package.
And, of course, I can’t forget that being on the pill absolutely killed my sex drive in my first marriage. I had no idea some forms of hormonal birth control had that potential side effect. Ahhh… the infamous, “I wish I’d known then what I know now.” My poor first husband. I’ve actually apologized to him for this.
Sheila also mentioned that it took a toll on her libido, and I’ve heard this echoed by other women as well.
If you are using hormonal birth control, don’t think I’m trying to alienate you. I’m simply speaking out of my own story, because… well… that’s the only story I’ve got.
What is so fabulous about Sheila’s discussion on birth control is that it sheds light on valid aspects of which so many couples are either unaware or think aren’t affecting their sexual intimacy.
I’m not a medical doctor (I don’t know any marriage bloggers who are). Suffice to say, many of us are simply trying to encourage couples to address issues that are important to marriage. If you have questions about various forms of birth control, by all means, please talk to your doctor.
And I’m not a theologian, but I am well aware there are strong opinions among Christians about various forms of birth control, including whether it should even be used.
I blog about sex. One can’t write too long on the topic of sex without a variety of information flying her way about condoms, the ethics of hormonal birth control, and the question of whether the pull-out method works.
It doesn’t, by the way. At least not with any predictable accuracy.
Plenty of “pull-out” babies out there, wondering why their bedroom looks strikingly similar to their mom’s home office.
Anyway, I digress.
I just really wanted to take the time to say I so admire Sheila’s heart to encourage couples to really talk and seek information and make wise decisions.
I echo her sentiments.
Maybe I’m just a lazy blogger, seeing how I’m simply pointing you to her in-depth posts instead of writing a few of my own on this topic.
She’s just so dang good, though. I’m not overly confident I could expand any further on what she and her commenters have said.
Plus I’ve got this painful finger to tend to.
I keep telling my friends that I’m just not too thrilled with any sort of pain that doesn’t result in someone handing me a baby at the end and saying “Congratulations!”
How funny is that — I just wrapped up my blog about birth control by talking about giving birth.
I know. My comedic irony is freaking you out.
Anyway, go read Sheila’s posts and chime in.
More importantly, if you haven’t already, have an open discussion with your spouse about birth control — especially if it has been a topic causing tension in your sexual intimacy.
Trust me.
You do not want to find yourself someday thinking, “I wish I’d known then what I know now.”
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
You’re awesome, Julie! Thanks for all the links.
You know that stroke thing? I’ve had other people email me about the same thing. My editor at Zondervan said that a friend’s 28-year-old daughter had a massive stroke this year, and they think the Pill was a big contributing factor.
When I was married in 1991, EVERYBODY used the Pill. Everybody. It was just what people did. I find people are talking about it a lot more now, which is good.
I don’t want to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do, but definitely do the research. Read as much as you can and pray. I really don’t think things are as straightforward as the media has made it sound!
Wow Sheila… you are quick, girl!! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
I hear what you are saying about the early 1990s and the pill. I married the first time in 1993, and you are right — just about everyone getting married went on the pill. And can you even believe that I went back on it after having a mild stroke when I was 19?!
Ugh. If ever there was someone who needed a wise older Christian woman for a mentor at that time, it was me!! Ha! (I’m sure I need that mentor now too, but probably for a whole other host of reasons).
Anyway, keep up the fabulous work. You’re making a positive difference in marriages.
After reading Sheila’s original post, I drafted and scheduled a post on birth control. I’ll tell my own story tomorrow on my blog! In the meantime, I love what both of you have posted.
One conclusion I draw is that the birth control method a couple uses is worth more than a fleeting thought at the gynecologist’s office. It should be considered, researched, discussed, and even prayed about. Great addition to the conversation, Julie!
Hope your finger feels better soon!
Thanks Stephanie! The finger will heal. (Although the doc said I will likely notice some pain every time the weather gets cold. Hmmm. Great.)
Thank you Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous for your comment as well. I always love it when you stop by. Looking forward to your post!
My wife and I have been looking into alternative forms of birth control but haven’t found anything that works for us besides the pill. I’m headed over to read those posts right now, though.
Thanks for pointing these out!
Hey all… Mrs. Hot Holy Humorous has done a fabulous post on this as well. I’m so glad she’s chiming in.
Be sure to read her post at http://hotholyhumorous.blogspot.com/2011/11/want-to-rave-about-your-birth-control.html
julie
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My wife has a family history that prevented use of the pill, and after reading this, I’m greatful. I chose vasectomy as the final method, and it’s really helped our sex life…no worries, no prep, no hormones.
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