sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
5 Reasons I Like Sex: Confessions From a Christian Wife
Well, there are a lot more than 5 reasons, but its debatable how much you really want to know about me, so I’ll hold off at 5.
As a Christian wife, I do like sex. To some of you reading this, such a proclamation makes me either an annoying freak or a bewildering mystery.
Can you hear the theologians murmuring… “Hmmm… We were busy studying discipleship when we stumbled across something that rarely is found in its natural habitat. A Christian wife. Who likes sex. Fascinating.”
So, just in case you were wondering, here are 5 reasons I like sex…
1. It tells Satan to get his hands off my marriage.
When I hear about couples who are having little or no sex, I get a wee bit jittery. I mean, not in an obvious way, but I think to myself, “That’s a sure fire way to pin a target on your marriage.”
The Enemy is indeed “prowling around looking for someone to devour.” From where Satan is standing, a marriage where one or both spouses is indifferent about sex makes for a scrumptious snack. I’m telling you, he looks for weak targets.
I’m not saying nurtured sexual intimacy is the only ingredient to a strong marriage. I won’t even go so far as to say it is the cornerstone (Jesus gets that real estate).
I know full well, though, that there is something powerfully binding that happens when my husband and I make love. And frankly, it angers Satan — because deep down he knows that a marriage where sex is treasured and protected is a force to be reckoned with. He has a more difficult task on his hands when he goes up against a couple that savors being one with each other.
“Get your hands off my marriage Satan. This is a closed-door meeting, and you were not invited.”
2. It shows my kids that sex matters.
Now don’t go calling child protective services. We aren’t having sex in front of our kids. But make no mistake… they know that sex matters in our marriage.
We are discreet with our sexual intimacy, but not so much with our appropriate affection in front of our kids. Our marriage has territory to it that defines us separate from who we are as parents — and our kids need to know this.
Sadly, so many Christian women have spoken only negatively about sex with the children in their lives, particularly their daughters and nieces.
And you know what happened next? Those daughters and nieces grew up to be wives — who believed and lived those false tapes as if they were truth. And then they perpetuated the cycle with their own daughters and nieces.
So what are we left with? A bunch of husbands who want to have sex and a bunch of wives who think it is disgusting and dirty — and to be avoided at all costs.
If this is your story, I implore you to break this generational epidemic and start reclaiming sexual ground. You owe it not only to your marriage, but also to your children as well — that they grow up with an accurate godly perspective on sexual intimacy.
3. It is physical re-affirmation of my wedding vows.
Honestly, my husband and I fight at times. We occasionally have found each other’s “one remaining nerve” and proceeded to traipse right across it. Marriage is hard — not “scooping manure all day” hard, but probably a close second at times. But I love this man. And he loves me.
Several years ago, we stood before God and the people who know us best and we chose a life together. When we make love, we are saying to each other once again, “I still choose you. No matter what, I still choose you.” There is something profound about that.
Is it the only way to say I still choose you? Well, heavens no. But it is significant enough that God saw the need to specifically tell married couples to do it often. Maybe He is on to something, seeing how He is God and all.
Yeah, you could re-affirm your vows with some big shindig, complete with another cake and your crazy uncle doing the Macarena.
…or you could just have lots of mind-blowing sex. You choose.
4. It’s free.
Okay, I admit it. I’m not quite the coupon queen one would imagine. Nor do I scour the ads for those “buy one, get one free” sales. Even so, I appreciate something that is incredibly entertaining and at the same time completely free. Sex is some of the best entertainment around. Game on.
5. It’s a great stress reliever.
Call me crazy, but I don’t think there is anything better to relieve stress than an orgasm with the man I love. Sure, I like a hot bath every now and then. Or even a massage if I’ve got the cash and time. And certainly more than a few overpriced lattes have gotten me through some particularly challenging moments.
But sex? Now there’s something clever the Creator came up with. I can’t quite put my finger on the why, but sex definitely improves my outlook if I’m feeling overwhelmed with life. Suffice to say, I need a lot of sex to get me through.
So there you have it… 5 Reasons I Like Sex. I’ve come clean. My story is out (and I didn’t even have to go to a confession booth or anything like that, thank God.)
How about you?! Tell me some reasons you like sex with your beloved. I don’t want to be privy to all the details, mind you.
But PLEASSEE…. won’t some other Christian wives champion this cause with me?! I know you’re out there. You just need to confess.
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert, Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Oh my gosh! Some Christian marriages are in serious trouble! No wonder the church is not attractive! People need some serious marriage education! The men need some serious masculinity lessons and women need to do the same for their femininity. Its like money; some people got it and are comfortable some struggle to make ends meet. Some marriages are sexually fulfilled, some have sexual problems.
what do we do??
What happens though when your husband denies or rejects you? I love sex and need it but he doesn’t desire it so what do I do?
@Shelly… I’m sorry for the pain you are going through. I don’t have easy answers, as every situation is different, but you might some insights on this page that would be helpful:
https://intimacyinmarriage.com/resources/wives-who-want-more-sex-and-arent-getting-it/
I’m a christian and single please keep me in prayer because at times I wonder what sex will be like if I ever get married. Please pray that I’m content just me and God whether I get married or not
@Tyra:
You will get out what you put in. Based on your post, I assume you are a virgin still, and want to remain so until your wedding night. I will assume you will take enough time to get to know your to-be very well before you get married.
What you need to know, is that sex is a very vulnerable activity. Granted, on your wedding night you will be all made-up, pretty, giggly, full of stars. And so will the bridegroom. There are several mechanical aspects involved respecting geometries, lengths, etc., most of which, unfortunately, you won’t know until all the clothes come off, and some not until the festivities are full underway.
I can only speak from the male perspective, the women should be able to get you more info. For men, it can be painful. VERY painful. Some young couples’ entire married sex life gets derailed because of a bad wedding night.
Their mistake: Having sex. Don’t focus on the mechanics. Make love. Focus on the experience, the first truly intimate moment with your partner for life. If your focus is on the giving of pleasure to your spouse, then, young lady, you cannot fail but to bask in the warmth of his love. If you chose your spouse wisely, his focus will be exactly the same, to give you pleasure. And the result is two people ready to take on the world. Marry a christian and bring God into your marriage, then like ECCLESIASTES 4:12 says “And a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn apart.”
As long as God always remains truly first in your life and in your heart (yes, even after marriage), whatever you do according to his will, will make you content.
My wife and I are newlyweds having been married for almost 5 months now both of us at the age of 22. However we have not sex yet. We’re both virgins but its embarrassing to say that I am still a virgin 5 months into my marriage. My wife stated on our wedding night she would need some time to get used to the idea of having sex. I gave her the space she wanted and 3 months later I confronted her about it again but she made another excuse of not wanting to engage in it. I feel rejected emotionally and as if I’m just not “good” enough for her to want to have sex with me. I’ve been praying for God’s will to be done in this no matter the outcome and trying to be patient with my wife. Any spiritual advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
@CMM — I don’t know your wife obviously, but from what you shared, I sense she has issues in her past that she is not willing to heal from (past sexual abuse? Lies she was told about sex in marriage? Fears about sex? etc.)
It is completely understandable why you feel rejected. Though I doubt your wife is trying to hurt you, I think she does not comprehend the depth of what she is doing by refusing to have sex and refusing to explore the reasons why she doesn’t want to have sex.
God designed marriage to include sex. I encourage you to be firm, yet loving, with your wife that the two of you must work on getting to the root of her resistance and both commit to building intimacy (sexual, emotional, spiritual) that is modeled after what God lays out in the Bible. God wants the two of you not only having sex often, but mutually enjoying it. While it is not uncommon for anyone to be nervous the first time they have sex, the encouraging good news is that you and your wife can build amazing sexual intimacy if you both have hearts to seek after intimacy, model it after God’s plan for sex, and mutually agree that the impact sex has on marriage is profound.
Tell her you want the two of you to go to counseling (preferably with a professional Christian counselor, but if one is not available, then a trusted mature pastor in your community). If she is not willing to go, then you go on your own, not only to get the insights of a professional, but also to demonstrate to your wife that you are committed to doing whatever you can to build a strong marriage.
A sexless marriage is not an option. The marriage simply will not be able to survive for one, and even if it did, it would be a pale imitation of what God really intends for a covenant marriage relationship to be.
I am so sorry for your pain.
Love to hear this!!! I have been a Senior Director with Pure Romance for 12 years now. I have been married for 22 years and with my husband since I was 15. We have 4 incredible children 17,15,13 and 10. I only wish I had some good information when I was younger some positives about enjoying sex. Now that I educate and empower women on this very subject in a fun way I am very knowledgeable. My passion is helping other women see just how wonderful sex is and how important it truly is to your personal health. I often say this is how God created us and its OKAY!! I am very clear and open with my teenagers about sex, I think its so important to set boundaries and give true information how can our children make good decisions if we do not educate them. I see so many grown women that can’t even name their body parts and get so embarrassed, I can only imagine what their intimate lives are like. Thank you for posting!! I am right there with you, love having sex with my husband 22 years and 4 kids later our relationship has grown with education and willingness to grow and learn is key.
Julie, I would give anything if ALL WIVES, Christian or not, could read these FIVE REASONS. Outstanding! The marriage to a sexually indifferent spouse is an affair waiting to happen. Might as well roll out the red carpet. Thank you for the truth.
Also, since there is another John on this blog I am adding an R to my name. Terrific job! Thanks again. Maybe you will reach some of these people like my wife.
I really enjoyed seeing an article proclaiming that sex inside a Christian marriage can be incredible.My husband and I have been married for 16 years. 3 1/2 years prior to marriage we lived together -which immediately changed when Jesus changed and saved us. We bother came from sexually tainted pasts. We have went through a lot of ups and downs. We both dealt with sexual issues including porn and my husband struggled with this on and off after marriage. Sounds like a disaster but what man destroys God restores. The Lord has helped us both love and forgive each other. God has helped me love my husband even when he betrayed our marriage by secretly looking at porn. The Lord has worked in my life to continually intentionally sexually give to my husband even amid hurt feelings and my own health problems. He has blessed our family through church, devotions, Christian radio, and Christian counseling. It has not been easy but through humbling ourselves, loving each other through forgiveness as Christ forgave us, and cultivating intimacy both emotionally and sexually, we are closer than ever! I hope that someone else out there may read this and be encouraged. Fight for your marriage! Please your spouse! Enjoy each other! Let Jesus change you so that you can offer your husband/wife the best spouse possible. Be close to God in reading scripture, pray for your partner, and don’t be afraid to seek Christian counsel if you’re struggling. Remember God can and will do great things in His peoples lives!
Well what if you just don’t want to have sex? Like no interest or desire and in fact an aversion to it. I don’t want to be touched. I feel gross laying there while my husband puts his hands all over me. It’s obviously becoming a big problem, causing nightly arguments. I understand my husband needs sex and to be desired by his wife in order to feel whole or whatever but that doesn’t make me want sex. When I have sex with him anyway despite. It wanting to, it’s not good enough he says he can tell I don’t want to. So what do I do?
Before I got married i had trained myself to shut down my feelings of arousal. I always felt discusted by those feelings so by the time I said “I do” I had already trained my body to respond a-sexually. After a few months i developed Vaginismus -an uncontrollable clamping of the vaginal muscles causing painful intercorse- and I really didnt want sex after that. I figured sex was more for men any way, I told my husband that im probably one of the few girls who can’t climax and that I was just happy making him happy. I was happy with it for a while, but his satisfaction and pleasure had to come from my pain multiple times a week; I slowly began resenting sex and as my Vaginismus worsened I refused sex more often. At one point I couldn’t even use a tampon and refused to have sex for a whole month out of fear; I was scared it would hurt, therefor it did. When I told my husband i didnt like sex because it hurt he misinterpreted and reacted very badly to it. I felt broken and shut down emotionally. “At least sex could still get me pregnant” was the only thought that kept me from never having sex again. After having our baby I had absolutely no interest in sex. I had to recover from an episiotomy and I was tiered from sleepless nights, yet I still felt pressure to have sex a week after birth. At least I had a “doctors note” saying to abstain from intercorse for about six weeks. They went by faster than I wanted and there I was with no excuse and homework from the doctor to have sex twice a week. Our first attempt post partum was a disaster, penetration was impossible and it felt like I had a wall with open nerves that had closed up my vagina. We continued to try every couple of days until my husband had determined that I just needed to be stretched out again and if he just shoved everything in really quick it wouldn’t hurt too much. I tried to get away but I was held down and forced to take it. I cried for him to stop it hurt so bad and I resented him telling me “but it feels so good”. I hid under the blanket and cried after he was done, I felt raped and there was no one i could tell. I did tell my mother i never wanted to have sex again, that it was too painful and she made me get help. That’s when my Vaginismus was discovered and I was treated. Now penetration doesnt hurt but since im still breast feeding i don’t know if I can get aroused. I can’t tell what hormones are messed up from the extra oxitocen and prolactin flooding my sistem, im hoping after my baby is weaned everything will normalize and my hormones will work the way they are ment to. If not ill have to go get a blood test to see if that’s the cause or if its still a mental block. I can’t keep having sex like this forever.
Julie thank you so much for posting this article!! I am a 22 yrs old christian and I want to remain a virgin until wedding night. The problem is that the girls at chuch not all but most of them are saying that they dont wanna have sex even with their husband . I tried to talk with them to tell them that is something beautiful and intimate but they are keeping their own view on sex. I want to have a wife who I can love all day but its so hard to find one that wants to have sex with their husband . They say that sex is something gross and ugly and some of them they are saying that its a sin… Can you give me some spiritual advice about this? Please . God bless you !
I just wanted to say thank you. I am a virgin, and Christian. I am getting married in a few months though! I have been looking for some appropriate guidance on the topic and ALL I can find are articles along the line of ‘make the sacrifice and give sex to your husband”. It scared me into thinking that I would never enjoy sex, and that it would just be a painful sacrifice I had to make for my husband. Finally reading that a Christian woman wants to have sex with her husband is so nice to hear. You have wiped my fears away that having a healthy Christian sex life doesn’t just have to be a suffering wife pleasing a needing husband. Thank you so much and God bless you and Your marriage!
Moira,
The Marriage Bed has a section specifically for engaged people. It is an anonymous comment thread that plays out as a question and answer. It is moderated by Christian volunteers who do not let non Christian views on sex get posted.
I grew up in an Independent Baptist church. We were taught sex is for the husband , the wife is the giver of sex , doesn’t really need sex and don’t show too much interest or you’re a bad woman.
My upbringing made me feel guilty or shame if I showed interest in males. They were to court me and they were supposed to make the choice not me. I married young for two years, I was never attracted to him, he controlled my life as though I were a child. I’m 41 now unmarried twenty years on.
I am not able to have children now, Christian men want children , I am too old. When a woman is beyond childbearing years Christian men don’t want you, they think women have no sexual needs, you are viewed as a has been with nothing to give a man. You know they will never view you as a sexual being, you exist only to give birth or supply your husband with sex. A woman is thought of as an asexual actually Women are told to do community work and deal with being single