authentic, sexual intimacy
Want a Marla Taviano Book? For Free?
Oct
*** Congrats to “D” and Radiah, who were winners of these books on Oct. 14. If you are just reading the post for the first time, be sure to check out all the GREAT marriage advice in the comment section.***
Author and speaker Marla Taviano recently sent me copies of two of her books:
Is That All He Thinks About: How to Enjoy Great Sex With Your Husband
And now I want to give them away (because they rock!)
First let me say that what I love so much about Marla (and her books) is that she is incredibly real.
I know that doesn’t sound overly amazing, especially in today’s world where the word “authenticity” is tossed around like croutons on a salad bar.
But she is real!
And it shines through in her writing.
Let’s face it, marriage is not the easiest trek on the map.
As I have always said, the two people who radiated with joy at the altar now meander through piles of laundry, stacks of bills, whiney youngsters and messy garages. This is as true for us marriage “experts” as it is for anyone else.
We strive. We laugh. We fall down. We get back up. We struggle. We wonder.
What a crazy road marriage can be. Rewarding and enlightening, mind you. But heartbreaking and bewildering at times too.
Marla is so willing to speak out of her own story — the ups and downs of her own marriage (and all that comes with marriage, including sex).
She’s a gal’s gal — and a writer’s writer. She gets it.
Reading her books feels like pulling up a chair to a friend’s kitchen table, enjoying a cup of hot coffee, and basking in genuine conversation (while the kids play nearby, the laundry goes unfolded, and the dust gathers on the entertainment center).
Marla was willing enough to glean insights from her own journey and drop them into books for the rest of us to enjoy and learn from.
Thank you Marla. For keeping it real. (And for sending the books, so my readers can benefit).
If you’re reading this and want the opportunity to receive one of the books free, simply throw a comment into the comment section with one piece of wisdom you would share either from your own marriage experience (or, if you aren’t married, a piece of wisdom someone who loves you has shared with you about marriage).
On Friday morning, Oct. 14, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. CST, I will have my husband randomly give me two numbers (within the span of comments I received). The two comments that match up to those numbers will be the winners. (Thank you to Paul and Lori Byerly for that way to do giveaways).
Remember — I moderate all my comments, so if yours doesn’t show up right away, it’s just that I simply need to hit the “approve” button. Also, be sure to include a legit email address (it won’t publish publicly, but I’ll need it to reach you if you are a winner!)
And if a “chance to receive free books” is your thing, you can have a chance each month if you sign up for my eNewsletter. I send it just enough to be helpful, and not nearly enough to be annoying. And each month I pull a name from my list to receive a marriage book.
To find out more about Marla Taviano, check out her site and blog. You may also want to check out her new book The Husband’s Guide to Getting Lucky.
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage.
Love is not a feeling, it is a choice and as Jesus taught us it is a lifestyle. We choose to love our wives and then we promise before God and the world that we will love them forever. If we just feel in love, it will never last and we will fail.
Never feel bad about asking for what you want. Spouses are not mind readers and they don’t think the same way as you. Until you find out what your spouse really wants, it is usually what they are doing for you is what they are wanting.
Though wonderful, sex is not like movies, music, and magazines portray it. Who really wants to learn their love making moves from those anyway?! If the Holy Spirit really is the author of creativity and we should be asking HIM to give us His inspiration in our communication, artistry, cooking, lesson planning, daily tasks, etc…. then why shouldn’t married couples be asking the Spirit of God for new ways to pleasure their spouse, which- within marriage as it was intended- is a high form of spiritual ministry if you ask me!
Hope I win a book! 🙂
My father has been married/divorced twice and his advice for me is “Don’t do it” LOL
My wife and I share a “black book”…. just a simple book with blank journal pages that we exchange with an idea or question we want to investigate with each other later. We leave in places we know the other will find it (purse, car consoles, under cell phone charger, etc). It’s a way to ease into a conversation as opposed to springing it on the other person at the end of a long day – and it often is used to suggest something new or risky or just plain God-endorsed intimacy-in-marriage FUN! The resulting conversation and/or activities aren’t always earth-shattering, but it’s an intentionally “old-fashioned” and safe way for us to keep connecting.
A good friend told me, “Tell him that men are like microwaves and women are like ovens — we require some preheating if everything is going to turn out right.” I did, and it really helped. 🙂 Thanks for sharing the books!
I am half way through one of her books and it is great, my husband says I should read these books more often, so i have decided to start a library and get more information, because I really do feel like intimacy in marriage is a great starting place for a wonderful marriage. and sometimes its hard to always be in the mood, we have three kids four and under and our forth is due in 8 weeks, but I feel like if I am taking the time to read more and learn more, I am more interested.
I was recently at a wedding and the officiant said something along the lines of “Never stop giving. As soon as you focus on getting and demanding things from your spouse then things go wrong. If you focus on giving then there is always room for growth.” It hit my husband and I pretty hard and now we’ve been trying to “give” in different areas of our marriage without expecting something in return. =)
Remember to listen, don’t just wait to talk.
Someone once told me to be sure you “like” the person you marry. If you don’t, your children will turn out just like them. So true.
Let them know that you appreciate the things they do for you, and make a point of expressing your gratitude, and often. It’s very easy to sink into an attitude of ‘well, he should go to work and support us, it’s his job’ and take his actions for granted. But doing something that we don’t necessarily enjoy is much more enjoyable if we know that it’s appreciated.
Enter marriage with the word divorce deleted from your vocabulary. Never say the word out loud.
Marriage is a journey…sometimes through a beautiful sun drenched lagoon, sometimes through rock strewn river rapids…hang on and enjoy the ride
Marry your best friend. They will always be the person you turn to in difficult times and if that foundation is not there… you will have serious trouble navigating the inevitable rough patches.
Sometimes you have to decide what’s more important. Being right, or loving your husband.
Say “i love you” each night before bed…especially if you don’t feel like it!
I have read the first few pages of “Is That All He Thinks About” on her webpage, and you are right – they totally rock.
I love her anecdote about the woman who said that she didn’t marry someone to wait on them hand and foot, but it turns out that she expects her husband to wait on her hand and foot. I’ve used that one a marriage forum, and it always strikes home whenever I cite it.
Give more than you receive; work on your own attitude such that you feel blessed and get your own satisfaction from giving.
Communication is key…..mind reading is not part of a male psychie. (By my grandmother.)
My advise after 31 years of marriage is to learn to see things from your husband’s perspective. I have learned a lot and gained much wisdom from learning how my DH thinks.
I have heard and read that love is a verb not a noun. Love takes actions to be felt by your spouse.
I wish that someone had said that achieving orgasm at the same time is hard to achieve for some couples and near impossible for others (like my husband and I). It would have saved us a few tears and disappointment early on in our marriage!
I wish I had learned that just because I’m married doesn’t mean I don’t have to work on being attractive to my wife. There are things we men can do to grow and become better men that our wives admire and appreciate, and that can be sexy too.
One of the most interesting pieces of marriage advice I’ve ever heard was “You’re not allowed to have one person sleep on the couch. Never. It’s forbidden.” 🙂
I would love to win! I am getting married soon…and I’ve gotten lots of good marriage advice. One of the things that really has stood out to me is the idea of being strong for your husband when he is weak…by being a prayer warrior.
My husband and I made a commitment early in our marriage to never go to bed angry with each other. This was a rule that his parents had, and they had a wonderful marriage. We have profited from it as well. We’ve been married for eight years, and we enjoy such sweet friendship that neither of us can bear to be at odds for more than a few minutes. Resentment never has a chance to take root in a climate like that!
Our pastor told us in pre-wedding sessions: Remember you are on the same team. Fight the problem and not each other!
Every day is an opportunity to show kindness and love. Remember to think of you hubby everyday and how you may bless him. Study him, what is his love language?
Also, another piece of advice, when you feel there is something in him that needs to change, maybe first start by considering how you may need to change and pray for yourself. Then, you will have fresh perspective to see your hubby. When he sees the change in you he may be encouraged to change himself. But regardless, the change will bless your marriage!
The second book sounds really interesting. I have to remind myself that sometimes my husband’s feelings have NOTHING to do with me. When I try to make it all about me it gets messy.
We just finished the “Sacred Marriage” DVD series with our small group, and one of the things that hit me hard is the idea that marriages don’t grow apart because people “fall out of love” but more because two people fall out of REPENTANCE. I know this has been true in our marriage… that when we keep tallies of wrongdoing it just leads to unrest and discontent in our home. But when we practice open repentance and forgiveness, keeping short accounts, there is nothing in the way of our love for each other and we are free to live in harmony. 🙂
The best piece of marriage advice that i’ve received and would like to share is “Dont go to sleep mad at your spouse”; Communication is so very important. A happy kiss good night is the beginning of a GREAT night! <3
Marry your best friend and remember to take time to enjoy each other. Stay friends forever!
I’ve always heard, “Don’t go to bed angry.” But I’ve discovered that sometimes when I’m the angriest, and ready for a major heated discussion, that if I hold off, sleep on it, I’m a whole lot less angry the next morning, the issue seems far less important, and I am capable of having a more loving discussion, or sometimes realize I’m the one making a mountain out of a molehill, and I need to just let it go.
I would add to all of these comments that it is never too late, until you both think it is. Sometimes, one person will feel like giving up, (on the marriage, on a difficult family problem, on financial problems, on health or sexual problems), but if you are lucky, the other person keeps trying to pull the other back into solution-finding. Another time,the role might be reversed, but the beauty of marriage is that one of you or the other stays with it, until the other can rejoin the fight. I was so touched to read some material on The Marriage Bed forum, where wives or husbands would say, “We have ED”, or “We just got bad news from my wife’s physical.” The “We’ness” of marriage is the reason God invented it.
Never stop dating!
No mind games…ask for what you need, men aren’t mind readers, and don’t assume a “mood” on his part has anything to do with me.
We will be married this month twenty-five years and my spouse is currently on day eleven of cards, gifts,personal prayers, etc for me…always remember “love is action” and have the grace to receive!
Marry someone you can respect
When working through a disagreement, hold hands. It helps keep you both on the same team.
Honesty with my self helps me be honest with my wife. Sugar coating the past is not honesty. In-to-me-see is rewording when you except your spouse for who they are. Look for the person past the circumstance, believe and hope for the potential that is there. Creat a safe place to heal and grow by listening and sharing.
Will the one book help me get him to want sex more? If so, I need that one!
We have prayed for God to remove our old mindsets about sex & give us his view on the subject. It began a tough process of healing, but it was worth it!
Prayer is an essential aspect to the marriage relationship if a man and the woman Jesus Christ has graciously given him is to keep growing and thrive. Recognizing who we are in Christ gives us the foundation for successfully maturing in all areas of marriage, including sexual intimacy. Thus both spouses can have victory over selfishness, fear and so many other negative attitudes which undermine what God has for the blessed union between a man and woman. We CAN grow up!
Julie, you and Marla hit home with your wisdom on intimacy in marriage. God bless you both for sharing with others on how to have a great marriage not just a good marriage.
One of the most helpful cycles to change… especially in conflict… is that of men withdrawing…because women are seeking to be valued with connection… and women communicating critically because men are seeking to be valued with respect. Changing one’s way of relating can change the most pervasive cycle of hurt.
Never lose your sense of humor!
Actively think about your spouse and anticipate seeing him/her after you’ve been apart.
Never assume that other Christian women/wifes and friends will not destroy your marriage, because the temptation for your husband is always there in some form, so make sure you do your part to help your husband keep his boundaries in place.
If you plan to meet in the middle and each give 50%, then you’ll always come up short and be disappointed. Plan to each give 100% and you’ll always be blessing (rather than disappointing) each other.
coming up on 50 yrs…smooth times and rough, never give up!!