authentic, marriage problems, sexual intimacy struggles, sexual struggles, Uncategorized
Are Sexual Dry Spells Inevitable in Marriage?
Aug
I was going to pose that headline as a given rather than a question, assuming, of course, that dry spells are inevitable in marriage.
But maybe that’s not the case for every married couple. But maybe it is? I know it has been in our marriage.
We’ve actually been in a bit of a dry spell as of late because of these horrendous external factors taking a toll on our life. I wish I could say it was just the pandemic disruption, but it’s much more personal than that.
Anyway.
So what about your marriage? Let me pose the question to you. Have sexual dry spells happened in your marriage? If so, what were the circumstances surrounding the drop off in intimacy?
More importantly, what did it take to get yourselves out of the rut?
I think giving voice to the struggle can help. You know, bring things out of the uncomfortable heavy silence and into the light. Maybe it’s just a matter of a gentle hug and a whisper of “it’s been awhile.” Or maybe a private note left discreetly for your spouse.
Of course, the nature of what got you into the dry spell in the first place probably is going to determine your approach in getting out of it. Sometimes a lot of time passes between the lovemaking experiences in a marriage, and there are heavy reasons behind that.
I can point to some other dry spells in our marriage besides the one we are in now. Over our 17 years of marriage, we certainly have had some weird work schedules that have made connecting sexually logistically difficult. For some couples, parenting littles or parenting teenagers can be precarious times for lovemaking.
Just know that if you and your spouse have hit some dry spells, you are not alone. Know too that dry spells don’t have to last. Working your way out of them can actually bring renewed sexual connection to your relationship.
That has definitely been our experience.
Key, of course, is together to work your way out of them—rather than assume they will go away on their own. Certainly you don’t want a temporary absence of sexual intimacy to become permanent commentary on your marriage.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Yes, dry spells have been our experience! Busyness, tiredness and a lack of connection through the week have been our greatest contributors to our dry spells. We keep working on this, adjusting our schedules, making certain we have times each week where we can just go out for a coffee and connect. We’ve given each other permission to express any sexual desires or needs and this has also helped us.
We used to think that the reason why we were having a dry spell was because the other didn’t like sex or desire sex or enjoy sex. Honest conversations helped us to understand and realise that was so off the mark!