sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized
Menopause and Sexual Intimacy
Hey all! Good news…
I am lining up an amazing guest blog series with many top-notch marriage bloggers writing on different things that take a toll on sex in marriage — and how to minimize that toll.
The series will kick off in mid to late April.
One my guest bloggers is Debi of The Romantic Vineyard, and she’ll be blogging about the toll menopause takes on sex.
She’s running a survey on menopause and sex, and I am asking (pleading?) that you help us out and answer a few questions. Sound good?! THANK YOU!
Click on the below link if you can help us out…
Yes! I will take the quick survey!
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The survey is interesting, but not very precise.
Menopause and perimenopause are two different things. Which is being asked about? Is the survey intended only for those situations where the wife is past perimenopause, has fully completed the transition into menopause? Or for those situations where the wife is in transition and still wrestling with the changes?
For us, my bride is still in transition. Perimenopause kicked in about three or four years ago. The process continues. I’ve learned that for some women, the transition can be a very long process.
The questions ask about various events before and after menopause. Is the assumption that we are talking about the entire drawn out process of menopause, including perimenopause? Or, before and after – compare before the start of perimenopause with after the transition is complete?
Q. 2 asks about pre-menopause sex frequency. Is the question about frequency before the start of all menopause transition symptoms, ie before perimenopause?
Q2 asks about frequency of sex pre-menopause. But the lowest frequency option is “1-2 times per week” That does not capture my experience at all, where it has been years & years & years since my bride and I have had sex as often as once per week, and *never* as often as twice per week (or more often). I doubt my experience is unique. Because of this flaw in Q2, comparing Q2 to Q3 is not going to render a good comparison.
The options in Q3 include “rarely” and “never” – never is pretty clear. But, what is rarely? Presumably less often than 1 or 2 times per week. But, rarely could include a couple times per month, or a couple times per year. It seems to me, that those are VERY different situations.
So while I am happy to share my thoughts in a survey like this, I’m left wondering whether I should. My experience doesn’t fit Q2 and I am left wondering whether the intent is to look at before and after. We have not made it to the “after” part of menopause yet.
I am so looking forward to the series of guest bloggers you have lined up. I haven’t hit menopause yet, haven’t hit 40 yet, but do believe I am experiencing some definite perimenopausal symptoms. Of course some medication I was given to help deal with some anxiety and depression caused by hormone imbalances messed with my libido and I didn’t like experiencing that because I had never experienced my libido being taken away from me through medication. Fortunately, it did return after stopping the medication and I am looking for a natural alternative to medication at the moment. Didn’t feel comfy filling out the survey since haven’t entered menopause yet, but feel like my husband has entered some type of male menopause equivalent a few years ago before he hit 45. Can men experience similar symptoms as women do in menopause? I mean, due to lower testosterone levels, I feel my spouse is less interested in sex than I am and we have those “frequency battles” you discussed in a prior post.
Always walk away with a lesson or learn something new to think about after reading your posts!! Thanks so much for your courage to tackle such topics that need to be brought out in the light and not kept in the dark.
I have not experience this part of life, do I look forward to it.? I can not really say. But I do have sister that is experiencing this and she is always taking off clothes.
Robert-
Thank you so much for your thoughtful, well-written comment. I realize that this survey isn’t as specific as it could have been, but I didn’t want to scare away those who wouldn’t answer as detailed. This is why I have lots of comment boxes for you to add your specific experience. I will read every answer and take them all I to consideration with all my other research. If you could take some time and share on the survey what you’ve said so well here.
As a wife on the other side of menopause I realize my experience is very limited compared to other women. Yours is vital to my research.
Thank you, thank you!
Grateful,
Debi – The Romantic Vineyard
I apologize if you receive this response twice. It didn’t seem to go the first time. I did have a hysterectomy 1.5 years ago. I needed it but do regret having it. I miss my hormones! And I have problems in other areas that I did not have before. I recently discovered how helpful coconut oil can be in providing lubrication. It has literally changed my sex life (OUR sex life)!! Straight coconut oil applied just like brand-name lube or fancy it up with certain essential oils (you can find recipes with a Google search). I enjoy intimacy with my husband more now than I did before.
Great point Phyllis, and we agree. There is no one size fits all solution to ease the smmotpys of menopause. Everyone’s journey is their own, and by tracking and sharing you can find out what works for you.