Why You Need Sexual Core Values

I was reading a newspaper article in which they were talking about “core values” in marriage.

The article shared the stories of two couples that really value fitness. A  counselor-type person interviewed for the piece expressed that for these couples, fitness is a “core value.”

It got me thinking about core values when it comes to sex. (I don’t think about sex all the time, really. But often. I admit it.)

What would you say are the core values in your sexual intimacy in your marriage?

Even if you never have used the words “core values,” you likely do have “understandings” or “shared ideas” about what sex looks like in your marriage.

It is a good thing to ponder.

What would your spouse say if you posed the question, “What are our core values in our sexual intimacy?”

Maybe for your marriage, sex is woven into the fabric of your marriage in such a tender and profound way that you don’t really need a conversation to clarify what it means. You just know.  My husband and I would fall into that camp because of how intentional we have been about nurturing our sexual intimacy.

We haven’t had a direct conversation about sexual core values, but if we did, I have no doubt we would describe ours this way…

1. We are intentional about having sex often and valuing it as a sacred and enjoyable aspect of our marriage.

2. We feel safe sharing with each other what is pleasurable.

3. We will not use sex (or the withholding of sex) to manipulate or punish each other.

4. We are not afraid to speak appropriately and positively of sex in a God-honoring way, whether that be to our children or adults in our circle of influence.

5. We hold tightly to the exclusivity of our sexual intimacy and have firm boundaries against third parties (real, imagined or visualized). No porn. No swinging. No adultery. No fantasies of other people.

6. We recognize that our marriage and family life are stronger, more enjoyable and all-around healthier when we nurture our sexual intimacy.

The sexual core values in your marriage are uniquely your own for you and your spouse to determine. You may or may not need to actually speak them out loud to both have a shared sense of what they are.

But I definitely think you need them.

Being on the same page about values as important as this can keep you from slipping into murky discouraging sexual waters.

Do you know the sexual core values in your marriage?

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.