marriage problems, sexual intimacy struggles, Uncategorized
Could Your Story Offer Hope to Someone Else?
Aug
The reason I blog about sexual intimacy is because of my own story — and my belief that my story offers hope to others.
I am not a doctor and I am not a counselor. I’m simply a Christian wife trying to encourage.
I am passionate about encouraging married women in their sexual intimacy because sex was such a struggle in my first marriage. When I re-married, I was determined to not take this area of our life for granted. (My current husband and I have never regretted that decision!)
Even though I don’t reference my story in every blog post, my story is indeed the heart and motive behind everything I do.
Had God not prompted me to use my story to offer others hope, I probably would have remained quiet. But God has a way of being persuasive — and of taking what is broken in our lives and refining it to His glory.
I am wondering if your story could offer someone hope?
I imagine people grow tired of hearing my voice and would welcome someone else’s insights every now and then. Who can blame them? I even grow tired of hearing my own voice at times.
I am looking for readers who are willing to write authentically about how sex was a struggle in their marriage — and what they did to turn that around (or what they have done to cope in the journey if their spouse does not share in the goal of nurturing sexual intimacy).
I reserve the right to edit (for grammar, length, etc.) or decline any submission.
I am open to publishing reader stories anonymously, as I know some of details are personal and you would prefer to not be identified. But, if you would want to share your first name, that would be great too.
Here are some topics I think would be encouraging to readers:
How have you gone from being indifferent about sex to valuing it in your marriage? Why were you indifferent? What was the turning point?
If you were promiscuous before you were married, how did you find redemption through Christ and embrace a healthy and godly perspective on sex in your marriage?
Has there been infidelity in your marriage from which you have healed and restored your marriage? What has that process looked like for you and your spouse, especially when it comes to restoring sexual intimacy after a betrayal?
Have you and your spouse been separated by military deployment for months or even years? How do you still make sexual intimacy a valued part of your marriage?
If you were sexually abused in your past, how did you find hope and healing from this pain to get to a point where you can embrace sex as good with your spouse?
Have odd work hours, extended business trips or shift work caused struggles in your sexual intimacy? What has helped you still make it a priority?
Did you grow up in a home or church where sex was only spoken about negatively? Did you come into marriage with skewed views about sexual intimacy, but were able to replace those false tapes with God’s perspective on sex?
Do you or your spouse have an on-going injury or illness that makes sex difficult or impossible? How do you still maintain and nurture physical closeness? What have you learned about marriage and sex when actual sexual intercourse is not likely or possible?
How has parenting taken a toll on your sexual intimacy? What did you do to make sure that you still focused on your sexual intimacy?
Have you and/or your spouse struggled with a pornography addiction? What could you share about your journey that would offer another person hope or insight?
Were you once extremely inhibited with your spouse and hesitant to enjoy sexual pleasure? What changed so that you could more fully embrace sexual pleasure in your marriage bed?
These are just some ideas, of course. If you have other situations or scenarios you could speak about, that would be awesome!
If you want to submit a story, I highly encourage you to be real about your situation… meaning, don’t just talk in lofty platitudes, but share honestly about your own personal struggles, doubts, ups and downs, etc.
Obviously my blog is written from a Christian worldview. I hold tightly to the beliefs that marriage is designed by God and that sex is meant for a husband and wife to enjoy exclusively within the context of their covenant relationship. God intends marriage — and therefore sexual intimacy — to be rooted in love, respect and honor.
As for word length, I would ask for nothing more than 700 words. You wouldn’t have to go this long… I just wouldn’t want you going past that point if possible.
Feel free to email me your story in a Word document. My email is jksibert@cox.net.
The number of submissions I receive, as well as my own publishing schedule, will determine when and/or if I run your story. I will let you know, though, and will definitely contact you to clarify anything before I run it.
If you have a story that can offer someone hope, please prayerfully consider sharing it.
You never know how God could use your words and experience to profoundly impact someone else’s marriage.
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
Not married yet….but looking forward to some reader stories!!!
Your post is an answer to prayer and an opportunity for me to do what my husband have been encouraging me to do. I’ll print out the requirements and look forward to sharing my story. I hope to partner with you in encouraging women to enjoy this beautiful gift of sexual intimacy with our husband.
Well, LOL, I’ll see if I can keep it down to 700 words and I will leave the decision as to whether my story could be of any help to anyone up to you. Sometimes I am still desperately seeking hope for the relationship myself! So I don’t know if it could possibly give hope to anyone else :p
I’ve found you through Twitter and happy for the connection. Thank you for your efforts in bringing awareness to many in the area of sexual intimacy. It’s a subject dear to my heart.
I have a spoken message on my website which may be of interest to readers (under “about” tab, then “audio message”). I’ll try to send through email as well (although it doesn’t fit your written, 700 word criteria), but wanted to go this route due to email issues I’m currently having. Hope we can connect!
Just wanted to say that your blog is really enjoyable and informative. It is so nice to find that there are some women who honestly make an effort to enjoy marital sex.
Unfortunately, there are many women and men who are unable to do this. I am married to such a woman. She is an undiagnosed borderline who was never very sexual, and after 22 years, our sex life dwindled down to once every 6-8 weeks. I stopped initiating 6 years ago because the pain of rejection was just too much to take. So I just would accomodate her when she would approach me.
A year and a half ago, my wife had a full hysterectomy. Since then, she says that sex is too painful, which I completely understand. The problem is that she refuses to go to any doctor or other medical professional to find out if anything can be done. I have asked her many times, but when I have, she insults me by saying that since my penis does not get as hard as it did in my 20’s, I must have ED. I do my best to not take this to heart. However, I constantly find myself checking out other women and I do my best to avert my eyes.
All of the five counselors we have seen have all said that there is something seriously wrong with her, and she needs testing, but she refuses to be tested for any psychological issue. I have been tested and was found to be normal, but a bit depressed.
I just want to thank you for posting and tell you that I hope that women will listen to you. And to those men and women who are about to get married, I want to say this: If your husband or wife refuses you on your wedding night, run, don’t walk to the nearest family law attorney and have the marriage annulled. Anyone who refuses on the wedding night is not going to change.
Sorry to be such a downer, but a spouse who is a refuser from the start is unlikely to change.
i hope to see something posted by someone that used to struggle with sexual intimacy because of childhood sexual abuse,i was going to send you an email and ask if you could shed some light on this and thankfully i came across this.@ to celibate john is it possible that your wife struggles with sexual intimacy because of sexual abuse in her past?you may want to talk to a professional and see what the best approach is at finding this out.it may be that it is a really deep wound and she hasn’t been able to share it let alone been able to deal with it in her own way.