Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

10 Confessions of a Sex Blogger

Popart comic 1 Love Vector illustration of surprised woman faceSounds like a party is going on and I don't want to be left out, so I too will confess.

(For other confessions, check out what Kate, J, Lori and Debi had to say.)

My 10 Confessions as a Sex Blogger...

1. I think about sex a lot.

Okay, probably don't need to confess this one.

I don't think about having sex a lot, because I'm already well satisfied in that area.  I don't need to think about it.

I think about all other things sexual... like how the body works, relationship dynamics that make sex challenging, the social trends on things like medications and what is acceptable sexually, the way the church deals with sexual issues, the impact sex has on marriage, etc.

As my friend Brent says, I could turn any conversation into one about sex.  (I'm trying to not do this as much. I imagine it's just plain annoying to some people).

2.  I never run out of sex topics for my blog.

If I had the time, I would write 2-3 posts a day.  So many ideas, so little time.

3. Our sexual intimacy is pretty normal.

By "normal," what I mean is that even though we love sex, we aren't quite as wild as some people may think.

Never done it in public. (Cameras everywhere).

Never installed a dance pole in our bedroom. (Too much to explain when company comes for Easter and puts their coats on our bed).

Never worn a Wonder Woman costume or pretended to be a lost delivery gal. (I'd be overcome by uncontrollable bouts of laughter).

I'm not saying I'm against adventure... even adventure of all that sort.  We've just never been compelled in that direction.  Our normal sex life rocks our world enough.

4. I am deeply saddened and wearied by the sexual pain in so many marriages.

I wish I could grow numb to all of this.

But I can't.

Which just confirms to me that where God instills a passion (like to write about sexual intimacy in marriage), it's usually mingled tenderly close to searing pain -- my own pain from my past marriage, as well as the pain I hear about regularly from readers.

I'm sad that many of you are sad.

5. I'm slightly nervous my openness about sex will traumatize my kids.

Actually, I'm not so worried about Oldest Child.  We've had enough conversations that I think he really gets that sexual intimacy is a gift from God for married couples. Oldest Child is confident and can hold his own, no matter the circle he's in.

Youngest Child, on the other hand, is wired in such a way that I worry he will be more susceptible to teasing. Sometimes I really am overcome with worry and tempted to pull the plug on all writing and speaking before he hits the age where teasing could be of the truly traumatic variety.

Then I snap back to truth and realize that Youngest Child -- and really, all children -- need adults like me taking brave stands for godly sexuality.  He'll be fine.  Worry isn't from the Lord anyway, so why worry?

6. I use Lori Byerly as my personal research and development department.

She is so good about including at the end of her posts links to other fabulous posts.  I've stumbled across some of the best marriage and sex posts because of links she's included.  Thank you, Lori! Your blog and the nods you give to others are most helpful.

7. I'm in awe of how funny J of Hot Holy Humorous is.

(I was going to say I'm envious, but want to keep it all above board with the Big Guy.  He likes "awe" better than "envy" as best I can gather).  I tell you what, that girl has some mad writing chops. So good. So funny. And she's a joy to talk with on the phone as well.

If ever you find me funny, you can credit J with inspiring me in that direction.

8.  I think I should become a Christian sex therapist.

Well, I don't think this often or for very long. The thought is usually fleeting, because at 43, going back to school sounds tedious.  It would cramp my propensity for long coffee dates with my friends.  Also would likely take a toll on my sexual intimacy, which would just be too ironic.

Seriously, though, there are not enough Christian sex therapists.

9. I try to not lose sight of first being a wife and mama -- and then being a writer and speaker.

I'll admit, this is not always easy.

Writers are tortured souls.  We're never really done.  We are easily lured by the feel of a pen in our hands or a keyboard at our fingertips.

Even so, I love being a Mrs. and being a Mama, and when I offer myself fully to those endeavors, I am actually more humble, grateful and joyful in my writing.  But it means there's no way I'm writing as much as I would like.  At least not right now.

10. I'm not overly crazy about the phrase "sex life."

I'm not saying I haven't used the phrase, because sometimes it fits better from a writing standpoint.

But here's the deal... we have one life.

As much as we'd like to put permanent marker lines around each and every aspect, the reality is we scribble such lines in chalk.  They shift, get erased, move around, are drawn and re-drawn, and rarely are as crisp as we envision them to be.

It's just not an accurate term... "sex life."   Everything is woven and connected and impacts everything else in our life.  One life.

Bonus Confession:   My life is messy. All messy...  my marriage, my house, my parenting, my writing process, my doubts, my certainties, my closet floor, my walk with God.  The only thing that's not messy is my appreciation for coffee.  And cheesecake.  I'm pretty clear on those things.

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

April 18th, 2013 by