Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Cleaning Out Your Sexual “Junk Drawer”

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It's a metaphor, people.

I'm not talking about a drawer where you store sexual paraphernalia.

I'm using the junk drawer metaphor because the other day, my husband was indeed cleaning out the junk drawer in our kitchen.

You know the drawer I'm talking about.

The one where you throw all the crap that has no other viable home, but is chock full of stuff that occasionally you do need.

Like Super Glue. Or the really tiny screwdriver.  Or the odd-sized batteries that the kids need for their goofy little toy.

That junk drawer -- the literal one -- also tends to fill up with other stuff that you really don't need.  You think you need to hold on to it, but really you don't.

Same can be said of some of the things that are road blocks to great sexual intimacy in our marriages.

So what could be cluttering up your sexual "junk drawer?"

Past sexual promiscuity that you have refused to confess and move beyond.

Skewed theology that says sex is just for procreation or is simply a "duty."

Messages from church or relatives or Christians who told you that sex is "gross" or "wrong" or "optional" in marriage.

Body image lies that you have embraced as if they were cold hard truth.

Sexual inhibitions that really have no biblical foundation.  Things like we must always make love in the dark, missionary position is the only acceptable position, oral sex is prohibited, or a wife can't initiate sex.

Faking orgasm. You do this to either protect your husband's ego or to get sex over with quickly. (Faking orgasm invites a lie into your marriage bed, which is likely already on shaky ground if you feel like you need to fake orgasm).

Justification by camaraderie. "My friends don't like sex with their husbands, so it's no big deal that my husband and I struggle sexually.  This is just what happens in marriage." This is a frightfully dangerous rationalization that can lead to nothing good.

The idea that you can still set a phenomenal example of marriage for your children, even if you refuse to nurture sexual intimacy with your spouse.

Do you see how we can cling to things we don't need in our sexual junk drawer?

Worse yet is when we not only cling to them, but guard them fiercely, as if doing so will free us from having to take responsibility for what is messed up in our sexual intimacy.

Your marriage is worth cleaning out your sexual junk drawer.

It can be tedious, I know.  And it is oh so easy to just put it off.

But just like the junk drawer in your kitchen, every time you open up your sexual junk drawer, you will be reminded of the clutter and chaos.

I humbly encourage you to have a heart-wrenching, tear-stained, vulnerable conversation with the Lord and with your spouse.

Don't let one more day go by without taking a good hard look at the drawer and the things in it that have compromised the vulnerability, sacredness and enjoyment of sex in your marriage.

Clean out what is cluttering up your sexual junk drawer.

I believe when you do this, you will find room for depths of intimacy you never believed possible -- not only with your spouse, but with your Savior as well.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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August 25th, 2012 by