Right from the get go, please know I don’t want to talk about microwaves and crock-pots.
On any given day, I could be either. Or both. And the same could be said about husbands. So we don’t need to get too hung up on using kitchen appliances to illustrate stereotypes about what it takes to be aroused enough for sex.
What I DO want to talk about is a wife’s arousal and pleasure. Woo hoo! Sexual arousal and pleasure. What’s not to love about sexual arousal and pleasure?!
Lots to love! Not always easy to understand, though.
I must say I feel for you guys. A wife’s body can be quite the unpredictable landscape, in large part because her monthly cycle can significantly impact what she finds arousing. What is arousing at one point in the month may be annoying or even painful at another point in the month.
Nipples are a good example of this.
Playing with your wife’s nipples may bring her a crazy amount of sexual excitement—or leave her writhing in pain—depending on where she is in her cycle. And the natural lubrication in her vagina may be more or less prevalent, depending on her cycle.
And let’s not forget that a woman’s emotions and mindset may influence her readiness to engage sexually. Where her body needs to go usually follows where her mind is headed. If she is mentally more ready for sex, her body may more easily follow suit.
Notice I used lots of “mays” in all of the above. Everyone is unique. You have to know your wife. You have to take the time to understand her sexually, including all the idiosyncrasies that shape her sexual desire.
As far as boosting her sexual pleasure, I humbly offer the below…
3 Ways to Bring Your Wife Amazing Sexual Pleasure
1. Get your hands ready
What you do with your hands and your fingertips can dramatically affect how aroused she becomes. That being said, do the best you can to keep your hands in good shape. Clean your hands and under your nails, clip your nails and file away any rough edges.
If your hands and fingertips are rough, try to use lotion on a regular basis and/or use a pumice stone to smooth down really rough callouses.
I’m not saying you need girlie hands. Not at all. You can have manly hands. You just need to remember that if they are fairly clean and manicured, you’ll be able to better use them to heighten her sexual pleasure.
Your hands and fingertips are some of the best tools you have to please her sexually.
2. Explore her genitals
Of course, her entire body deserves your attention, so where and how you caress her matters. You shouldn’t focus only on her genitals. BUT when you do focus on her genitals, there are some things worth considering.
Men often think only of what it means to penetrate and thrust within her. But her sexual anatomy and sexual arousal is more than the vaginal opening. So spend some time exploring the more…
Her vaginal lips (inner labia and outer labia) are the folds of skin that make up the vulva. These vaginal lips surround not only the vaginal opening, but also the urethral opening. At the top of the vulva is the clitoris and the clitoral hood.
If these terms seem somewhat obscure or foreign, then brush up on your anatomy lessons and find on the internet some sketches of female sexual anatomy.
The vaginal lips are areas of arousal, so the way you caress that area, including how you circle and touch the vaginal opening and touch within the creases, can feel incredible for her.
Take your time in this area. Vary your pressure and the way you move your hands and fingertips (as well as your tongue, if you are exploring her orally). Ask her what feels good. And definitely follow her cues. Learn how to bring her close to the edge of intense pleasure and then change your touch and then bring her back to that point where she craves wanting to climax.
If there is not enough natural lubrication, then use a small amount of artificial lubrication so your hands and fingertips can glide smoothly in this area.
Occasionally, move your fingers gently in and out of her vaginal opening as part of your caressing.
The clitoris is a source of extreme pleasure for her, but how you stimulate it matters. Let her guide you in this regard. Ask her to show you. Too much direct stimulation or too rapid stimulation may feel irritating to her. Too slow or too light may feel irritating, too. (See why you need to learn from her feedback?) When her pleasure is increasing, she may indeed want you to stimulate her harder and faster.
You can use your hands or mouth to bring her to climax or you can use those techniques to get her close and then penetrate her with your penis. For more on this, check out my post 3 Tips to Fabulous Sexual Penetration and Thrusting.
3. Don’t forget the tingles
If you want to round out the sexual experience with some savored afterglow, don’t forget the tingles. Take the time to lay in each other’s arms or lay next to each other and gently caress up and down her arms or on her back.
These light touches produce a tingling feeling that can prolong the pleasure she just experienced throughout her body. Also, this savored time reinforces the oneness in your relationship. If she is like most wives, she wants to feel cherished and held.
She wants to know that what the two of you just experienced was way more than a sexual release. She wants the pleasure to have lasting meaning woven within it.
So don’t forget the tingles.
When you add the above three techniques to your sexual repertoire, you are bound to experience a wife who welcomes sexual pleasure and connection.
As a husband, you will find yourself so turned on by turning her on. The reality that you can elicit that kind of sexual reaction from her will make your own pleasure all that more enjoyable. Her amazing sexual pleasure is tied in beautifully with your amazing sexual pleasure.
It’s a beautiful gift God gave us. So beautiful.
For more reading, you can cruise through my list of past posts, as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
And I have a 5-video series available on building better sex in your marriage. Great way to invest in your marriage! You can find out all about it at this link: Better Sex in Your Christian Marriage.
Copyright 2020, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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