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Sex is better now in our marriage — better than it was when we first married nearly 15 years ago.
For all the talk about honeymoon sex being so fabulous, I’m much more in the camp that the best sex happens further into a marriage.
Keep in mind, we weren’t exactly young and inexperienced when we got married. I was 33, people. He was 37.
Though we hadn’t had sex with each other before our wedding night, we had each had sex before we met. We came into the relationship with at least some sexual awareness.
BUT I can’t say either of us comprehended then what it would take to have amazing sex. We just didn’t know. Thank God that we were willing to figure that out. We were deeply intentional on figuring that out.
It’s probably why I’m so passionate not only about sex in my own marriage, but also about helping other couples aspire to fantastic sexual intimacy. I’m a huge fan of sex in marriage, because I know how amazing it can be.
I’m not talking about frequency in this point. I’m talking about specific feedback when we make love.
Our very best lovemaking — the kind of lovemaking that has left us breathless and spent with pleasure and connection — happens when we are clear in the moment as to what is working and what isn’t.
I’m convinced the best sex happens in a marriage when a husband and wife share without reservation what is bringing them profound sexual pleasure. How uninhibited are you (verbally and non-verbally) when you and your husband make love?
Can you speak out loud in that moment of sexual excitement that what your spouse is doing is working? Can you say things like “don’t stop” or “I need more” or “keep doing that”?
Maybe all you can utter is, “Oh God!” (Personally, I don’t think this is as blasphemous as some people make it out to be. Such a phrase is sweet worship, if you ask me. Here’s a post I wrote titled “Oh God” and Other Things We Say During Sex).
Can you show your spouse with your non-verbals what you need sexually? This could be the way you place your hands on their body or the way you direct their body, hands or mouth.
So much of what makes sex profound goes right back to becoming comfortable in your own skin and relationship. That is what was behind my post When We Did THIS in Bed, It Changed Everything.
Maybe I am in the minority of wives, but I tend to want more sex, not less.
I used to have a ton of internal struggle about my sex drive, almost silently in my heart feeling apologetic for desiring sex as much as I do. But I’ve grown to recognize that desiring sex with the man I love is something to celebrate, not something to downplay.
I also am wiser now to recognize that it is the Enemy who most prefers I downplay desire in my marriage. It’s not God.
Satan has the most to lose when you nurture sex in your marriage. He knows that a husband and wife who pay close attention to their sexual connection are not easily divided. And that just angers Satan to no end — he has to work so much harder on those couples.
If I am going to make Satan mad, I would prefer it be while I am climaxing.
This is the best thing I know is true about sex in my marriage.
Our life — our relationship, our home, our daily monotony — is much more harmonious after we make love. We are softer with each other. We extend grace with greater ease.
Plain and simple, I like him better after we make love. The crap that gets on my nerves just doesn’t after we make love. (See my post I Like Him Better After We Have Sex).
Now I’m not saying sex is some magical cure for all that ails a marriage, because it’s not. Let’s face it — there is a lot that puts strain and drain on a relationship, and ours is no exception. We have issues and struggles.
BUT there is just something that happens — something spiritual, I’m convinced — that boosts our ability to stay connected. In this regard, it’s probably why I can’t go long without sex. If we go too long, I feel it. Our whole house feels it.
As long as there’s no reasonable explanation as to why a couple couldn’t be having sex (illness, injury, etc.), then they should make love as often as possible.
Copyright 2018, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.