Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

When You Look Back on Sex in Your Marriage, What Will You See?

The older I get, the more aware I am that time is fleeting.

A friend and I were talking about this recently. We were thinking back to when we were in our 20s and how anyone over the age of 40 (like our parents at that time) seemed soooo old!!

We were laughing about the irony that we are now that to our own kids. We are in our 40s, and though we still view ourselves as "young" in our minds, we are indeed closer to the grave than the cradle (Sorry. Just keeping it real).

And, if you want to get really philosophical and spiritual about it all, we see value in being closer to the grave than the cradle. Word. (Insert Fist Bump!)

As a writer about all things sexual, I of course look at this "time is fleeting" revelation through the lens of intimacy in marriage.

When you look back on sex in your marriage, what will you see?

Will the lens be foggy because of all the passion or will it be foggy because of all the confusion, disconnect and misunderstanding?

I've received a few emails as of late from people understandably at their wits end with sexual rejection and disillusionment. Some of these people (wives and husbands) have gone years without receiving any sexual interest and attention from their spouse.

It's heartbreaking.

They are angry, sure, but more often than not, they are profoundly sad, feeling as if they have endured needlessly, all because their spouse just "didn't want to have sex."

And then I got a cool email from a gal in New Zealand who spoke so authentically about changing unhealthy sexual patterns in her marriage into healthy ones. Now she courageously and enthusiastically is encouraging other women in her circle of influence to nurture sexual intimacy in their marriages.

Good stories. Sad stories.  Lots of stories flowing into my inbox that all have to do with how we handle sex in marriage.

Sex is part of marriage. When we say those vows, who among us could make any sane argument that sex is simply optional, like an ala carte item that's ours for taking -- or passing right on by? No one could make that argument.

When we get married, whether we realize it or not, we are agreeing with God that sex is a good and holy part of His plan, meant for pleasure and oneness in our marriage (not just for making babies).

I write about the importance of healthy sexual intimacy in marriage because my first marriage was marked by a lot of sexual struggle, and looking back now I know I didn't put in the effort to figure that out then.  I didn't know what I didn't know.

I know now, of course, being in a healthy second marriage that sexual desires and sexual struggles and sexual pleasure all deserve tremendous attention.

Or the marriage is going to suffer. Horribly.

Some of you have been married long enough that you do have enough time to look back upon in your marriage -- you can, right now, look back at sex in your marriage and piece together a fairly complete picture of what that has looked like.

Others of you reading this have been married only a few months or a few years.  Your look back period is short.  My guess is it still reveals something.

Wherever you are in marriage, how would you describe your sexual intimacy?

Is it mutually valued, pursued and enjoyed? Does it add oneness and pleasure and bring you closer to each other?

Or is it a source of conflict, distancing you from each other to the point that your marriage is a mere shell -- a mere arrangement on paper, but void of abundant life?

These are big questions.

I know.

They are worth asking, though.

And if you have young marrieds or soon-to-be marrieds in your circle of influence, you could be saving them years of heartache if you help them see the significance of sexual intimacy -- that they shouldn't take it for granted or assume that slight sexual struggles won't turn into full fledged unhealthy sexual patterns.

When you look back on sex in your marriage, what will you see?

For more reading on this, consider my posts What if The Last time You Made Love Was Truly the Last Time? and Do You Really Have "Plenty of Time Later" to Nurture Your Marriage?

Copyright 2016, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.

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August 25th, 2016 by