Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Why People Think Christians Have Boring Sex

boring sexAre Christians boring?

We, of course, wouldn't say this about ourselves, right?

But the throngs of "non-believers" out there?  What would they say?

They would likely peg us as one big collective judgmental, narrow-minded, un-enlightened mass, right?

Oh, and boring. Definitely boring.

We have no fun, they would claim, because we are forever enslaved to a list of tight rules.

When we do start to have fun, we are quick to rein it in, fearing scrutiny from God and other Christians, not to mention those "outside the fold."  You know.  Don't want to "compromise our witness" or "cause someone to stumble."

I'm sharing a bit in jest, obviously.

I know that each person is an individual, whether they believe in Christ or not. The whole grouping people into masses rarely is fair, whether we are being grouped or doing the grouping.

Even so, there is this perception that Christians are missing out on the real fun. Nowhere does this perception seem to prevail more than when it comes to sex.

"Great Sex" and "Christian Values" are mutually exclusive in marriage, some would contend.  Those two things can't possibly mingle in the same mindset, let alone the same bed.

Is that the reason many people think married Christians have boring sex?  Is the media or society to blame for perpetuating this message? Sure, that's maybe part of it.

But do you know what I think the real culprit is?

Married Christians who are having boring sex -- or no sex at all.  (I didn't say all married Christians, so don't throw me to the wolves if you indeed are having great sex.  And are Christian. And are married.)

I'm just saying that mediocre or non-existent sex should be the rare exception among married Christians.  My email inbox and comment section of my blog and countless conversations I have had, though, tell me otherwise.   Sex is a huge struggle in many Christian marriages.

Yet, ironically, married Christians more than anyone are in the best position to have great sex.  (Best position to have great sex.  See how I worked that in.)

We are intimately connected to the Creator of sex -- the One who fashioned it all, rolled it off His heart and hands. We, in theory at least, are more immersed in his Word, the very place that talks about authentic intimacy, sexual and otherwise.

Add to this that when we do encounter struggles in our marriage, we know where to turn for guidance and insight, for He is the purveyor of the truth in all things.

I wonder what would happen if more married Christians not only nurtured intimacy in their marriage, but also were not hesitant to speak positively about the profound effect such intimacy has on their relationship. Oh how I wonder.  Anyone care to join me on that kind of possibility thinking?

I'm not talking about compromising the exclusiveness of sexual intimacy with your spouse by giving away intimate details.  Not at all.

But couldn't we at least be more intentional about shedding light on the significance of sex in marriage?  In our conversations with other married folks.  In our churches.  In our small groups.  In appropriate settings that are hungry for the truth on this matter of sex.

All of the above is part of the reason that I have spent the better half of a year co-authoring the eBook Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage.

Far be it from me to simply tell someone to have great sex for the sake of having great sex.

I'd rather help people grasp authentic intimacy.  And therein I believe they will find great sex as well.

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.
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November 20th, 2013 by