Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

The Pros and Cons: What Does Sex Mean to Your Marriage?

The other day, I wrote a post encouraging you to do a pro and con list to find out what sex means to your marriage.

If you and your spouse would like to do the exercise, check out that post first and then come back here.

Here is my list, in no particular order:

PROs of Nurturing Sexual Intimacy in My Marriage:

  • Feels amazing.
  • One of the best ways to worship God, obey God and agree with Him that His design of marriage and sex are holy.
  • Fabulous stress reliever (marriage seems to have plenty of stress... how encouraging to know sex is indeed one of the ways we can relieve it!)
  • Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Enough said.
  • Helps us extend grace to each other.  Sex softens us in a way that makes the rest of doing life together more enjoyable and more bearable.
  • Good for us physically.  A little aerobics.  Fair amount of stretching.  Good healthy cardiovascular work-out.
  • Wonderful way to affirm each other and to show love.
  • Tremendous example to our kids. Though they do not see us having sex, they see us being affectionate to each other and know that our marriage is a healthy foundation to our home and family.
  • Cheap entertainment.  Simply one of the best ways to have a lot of fun.
  • Strengthens our emotional, physical and spiritual connection.  That one flesh thing is awesome on so many levels.
  • Equips us to better walk in other areas of our life as witnesses for Christ in action and word.
  • Keeps temptation at bay.
  • Reminds Satan to keep his hands off our marriage.
CONS of Not Nurturing Sexual Intimacy in My Marriage:

(Since we do nurture our sexual intimacy, the below is what I imagine would be the detrimental outcomes if we stopped).
  • Increased stress.
  • Disobedience to the Lord, which would then have consequences, as all sin does.
  • Roommate status with the one person who I vowed would always be my partner, lover and spouse -- not my roommate.
  • Horrendous example for our kids. What message would we be sending them about the sacredness of marriage and of sex?
  • Weakens our witness as believers in Christ. If we are careless with sexual intimacy in the ministry of our own marriage, we would not be as effective as we could be in other areas as well.
  • Emotional, physical and spiritual distance.
  • Too many bad moods to even count.
  • No opportunity to give and receive orgasm with the person I love.
  • Increased likelihood of temptation (emotional and physical adultery, pornography use and addiction).
  • Invites Satan to capitalize on weak areas of our marriage.

I suppose this is an exercise that could go on and on.

My hope is that when you look at the landscape of your marriage, you humbly ask what sex means to that landscape.

Sure, no two couples would come up with identical lists.  My guess, though, is that if we did indeed gather what people wrote, some pretty clear general conclusions would surface.

Maybe better questions to ask in your marriage...

  • Is sex drawing us closer to each other?
  • Is lack of sex driving us further apart?

Do you know?

Copyright 2013, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

February 2nd, 2013 by