Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

5 Dangers of Regularly Saying “No” to Sex

Is it dangerous to deny your husband sex?  I personally believe it can be...

Here are 5 Dangers of Regularly Saying "No" to Sex:

1. You compromise your marriage vows -- and possibly your marriage itself.

Long ago, in my first marriage, as my husband was walking out on our life, I was somewhat shocked to discover that he had been drawn to another woman.  But as the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.

I see clearer now what I did not comprehend then.

If the raw pain of my divorce taught me anything it's that sex cannot be taken for granted in a marriage.  A thousand "could-haves, should-haves, would-haves" cannot begin to express the regret I have that we did not address the sexual struggles in our marriage.

I know what some of you are thinking.  "Well, my husband would never cheat. He would never leave."   That may be true.

But the flip side is he may hate staying.

Though his heart, hands and feet may not wander to other beds, his eyes and thoughts easily could.  I hear from husbands all the time who...

...hate the situation they are in.

...hate the desperate loneliness of constant sexual rejection.

...hate feeling trapped by Christian morals they have grown to resent.

I'm not saying there is justification in adultery or walking out the door because of sexual apathy. What I'm saying is that if you regularly deny sex to your husband, you are indeed compromising your marriage vows and making your marriage more vulnerable to attack.

I should know. I have been there. And I have done that.

2. You buddy-up to Satan.

Satan's go-to method is division.  He knows that sexual intimacy is an incredibly bonding force created by the Lord to strengthen married couples and endear them to one another.

Obviously, Satan doesn't want you endeared or strengthened or bonded to the very person with whom you have a covenant relationship.

When you disregard sex, you give Satan one more firm foothold on which to stand as he relentlessly seeks to cause division in your marriage.  Seriously.  That's what is going on. If this is news to you, I pray that big red "Danger" signs are flashing in your mind right now.

I pray too that the harshness of those realities does not shame you or guilt you to your knees, but humbly brings you surrendered to your knees.

Ask the Lord to help you reclaim the ground in your marriage that has been given to Satan... especially any ground that you gave to him.

3. You hurt the person you love.

You do love him, right?

Well, if he is like most husbands, one of the ways he best receives that love is when you regularly enjoy sex with him. It's not the only way he receives love, but if you were to ask him, "Do you feel loved by me when I'm enthusiastic about sex?  What does it mean to you when I make sex a priority?" -- what would he say?

Be brave. Go ask him.  Doing so may stop you from the danger of hurting the person you love.

4. You ignore time-tested wisdom of nearly every marriage counselor.

The very people who make their living from listening to distraught couples in desperately broken places would tell you that when sex is ignored in a marriage, danger is lurking just around the corner.

Counselors become intimately aware of the costs that are paid when a husband or wife has forsaken their marriage bed, whether it be to another lover or simply to selfish or careless neglect.

5. You tell God that He must be wrong.

At its core, this is possibly the most devastating danger of regularly saying "no" to sex.  It grieves God's heart.

Dig deep into God's Word and it becomes abundantly clear the precious value He puts on sex in marriage, as well as the agonizing consequences when a married couple mishandles or ignores it.  Whenever he speaks of marriage, including sexual intimacy, He longs for us to understand its significance.

Through a lot of soul searching and humble reflection, I know that long ago I had a hand in putting my first marriage in danger.  While sex was not the only contributing factor, I'd be foolish to not recognize the role it played.

My heart is that you see the dangers of regularly saying "no" to sex before you find yourself looking back on similar regrets.

Copyright 2012, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

 

November 5th, 2012 by