Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Lather, Rinse, Repeat? A Follow Up Post on the “Golden Shower”

Let me just say, I had no idea that one post would generate so much dialogue.

In the post What If My Husband Wants to Do Something Sexually That I Find Degrading, I wrote about the sexual act referred to as a "golden shower" or "golden bath."

No need to Google it.  Here's the Cliff's Notes version:  One spouse is sexually aroused by urinating on the other spouse.

A few readers pointed out that it also can mean that a person is aroused by being urinated on, as opposed to actually doing the urinating. (That technical clarification didn't make the act more appealing in my mind, but hey, I appreciate the further info).

I believe a follow-up post on this topic is warranted. I received enough comments and emails about it that I almost feel like it would be irresponsible to not address it again.

And let's face it -- this is a blog about sex and I'm not exactly one to shy away from a controversial topic.

Plus, the question that prompted the original post came from a Christian wife who was struggling with shame surrounding the act. I don't want anyone feeling isolated in their pain and confusion.

Some readers took issue with my tone that didn't paint the golden shower in a favorable light.

I readily admit that was my tone, because all I kept thinking was, "What in the world would be sexually arousing about someone peeing on their spouse (or, as I have clarified, being peed on by their spouse)?"

My email inbox was not visited by even one wife singing the praises of the golden shower. Not one.

If you are a wife who likes this sort of thing or at the minimum doesn't find it degrading, I am open to hearing your perspective.

Understandably, some readers were a bit concerned that the indirect message of my post was that the golden shower would be forbidden in God's eyes.

In general, I've always laid out two guidelines when trying to determine if something is forbidden (at least forbidden beyond the obvious things addressed in God's Word like that you can't have sex with animals, etc).

The two guidelines?

1. No third parties.

(Real, imagined or portrayed). No swinging. No wife swapping. No threesomes. No one watching you have sex. No viewing of pornography. No racy fantasies about the hot looking guy or gal at work.  Exclusivity whereby the sexual intimacy is kept between a husband and a wife is necessary. In my opinion, it is a non-negotiable to maintaining the sacredness of sexual intimacy.

2. No one is getting hurt.

(Physically, emotionally, spiritually). The basis of marriage and sex is love.  It's not loving to manipulate, coerce or in any way hurt the person you vowed to honor and protect.

One reader pointed out that the contents of urine could be harmful, so I guess in that regard, we could argue that the golden shower could potentially cause physical hurt.  I get what they are saying, but I also recognize that when we think of "physical pain" we usually aren't thinking of how urine itself could be hurtful.

So, back to the two guidelines.

Keeping within the the two guidelines I described, could a married couple incorporate urination into their sexual intimacy?

Would it be permissible, per se, as long as they both find this acceptable -- even enjoyable?

Probably so, but I still would offer a very strong however...

Yes, you could say it is permissible; however, it would be extremely wise to dig deeper with these questions:

Where did the idea for the sexual act originate?

If it originated because one or both spouses viewed it in pornography and are now trying to re-create that experience, that is a red flag to me.

There is mountains of evidence, not to mention an endless stream of stories of marriages destroyed by porn, to show me that the detriments negate any supposed positives.

Some people -- even some Christians -- will take me to task on that and argue otherwise, but I'm standing my ground on this one.  I don't see anything good about porn. So, if the idea for the golden shower came from pornography, that's opening a destructive door, in my opinion.

Have you really talked about why you find it arousing?

This actually is a good dialogue starter for anything you do sexually in bed.

As a husband and wife, think of everything that happens during sex and then put each specific into a statement as to what you like about it.  So, both the husband and wife get an opportunity to say what they like and why they like it.

Here are some examples of how this works:

"I really like it when you wear lingerie because it accentuates your beautiful body, which I find very appealing."

"I really like it when you run your hands through my hair, hold my head and kiss me passionately because it makes me feel treasured and adored."

"I really like it when you gently caress my testicles, because that is such a sensitive area and your touch feels amazing."

"I really like oral sex because it is a different type of orgasm that is unbelievable."

"I really like it when you climax within me because I feel especially united with you in that moment."

Anyway, I could go on and on and probably get a bit more specific, but you get the picture.

For those of you who like having urination incorporated into your sexual intimacy, can you specifically say why you like it?

If not, that would be a red flag to me.  Also, more importantly, can you not only say why you like it, but does such a statement reflect love and respect for your spouse and does your spouse generally feel okay about the act as well?

Some people have tried to suggest that the golden shower is really not much different than oral sex as far as "creative sex" goes, but I wholeheartedly disagree. They aren't even remotely close on the spectrum of sexual acts other than intercourse.

I welcome any further dialogue on this topic, so please toss your comments into the comment section (you can do that anonymously).

All I ask is that if you do comment, please have a tone of respect.  I greatly appreciate it!

And remember, I do have to approve the comments, because if I just let them show up automatically, I'd get boatloads of spam, which, as we all know, is just plain annoying.

Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage blog.

September 28th, 2011 by