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My husband and I recently went on a date.
Our dates always include food, because... well... in my husband's mind, it's not a date unless food is involved.
(That must be a guy thing, although I don't want to stereotype).
We both love Chinese food, so off to the Chinese buffet we went.
This is the place where they make money on me. And lose money on him. It's a complete wash.
There is no financial incentive for them to have us walk in the door.
"What does this have to do with sex?" you may be wondering.
You're probably thinking the obvious -- incorporating food into our sexual intimacy. Not a bad idea, mind you. If we weren't talking about Chinese food.
The hot n' sour soup and lo mein noodles and sesame chicken just aren't doing it for me in a sexual sort of way.
But we do have this little funny thing we do when we read fortunes from the fortune cookies.
Whatever the fortune says, we add "in bed" on the end of it.
(Yes, we are that pathetic. This is entertainment to us. Sad, but true).
So, we finish up our date (the part of it in the restaurant, that is)... and I open up my fortune cookie.
"Now is a good time to try something new."
So, of course, I read this as --
"Now is a good time to try something new... in bed."
If you read my post Sexual Positions in Marriage: Hey I'm a Housewife, Not a Gymnast, you already know that I do have my limits on what I can actually do in bed. I've had some amazing orgasms, but not one of them would be worth a month in traction afterward. Not one.
Honestly, though, it is fun to try new things in bed.
Even if you've been married for years and/or your list of physical limitations are hogging a gigabyte of your doc's computer system, there still is room for some creativity during sexual intimacy.
And by "creativity," I mean the kind that won't compromise the exclusivity of your marriage or force you to deep six your values.
Here are three ideas:
1. Play to his visual senses.
I don't need a survey to tell me that guys tend to be more visually-stimulated than gals (although there is pa-lenty of research that backs this point up). I'd do the man-on-the-street interviews to prove my point, but that would just be weird. Possibly inappropriate.
I'm just tossing you a slow pitch right over the plate here. I'm guessing that your husband would like (love?) to see your sensuous side -- from all sides.
Through my incredibly unscientific experiments (uh... the ones I conduct in my own bedroom), I don't even think you would need a sexy negligee to pique his interest. The negligee is nice, but a sheer white t-shirt... or one of his dress shirts casually buttoned with the two center buttons... might just do it for him.
Key here is confidence.
I don't want to minimize any body image struggles you may have. (I know the photoshopped women are taunting you from the newsstand every time you're picking up juice boxes and laundry detergent. I get it.)
I just want to remind you that nearly all husbands when asked would say they want their wife...
they want to see their wife's body...
they want to touch their wife's breasts...
they want to experience you...
without having to first navigate through three layers of flannel. In the dark.
If having the overhead light on feels too overwhelming, then go for some candlelight or a lamp on a nightstand.
Take things slow and let him experience your body. Visually. And physically.
2. Massage him.
I went to massage therapy school long ago (crazy right? I've never quite figured out what I want to be when I grow up). What I learned at massage therapy school is something that seems obvious, but sadly so many people overlook.
Touch is powerful. Off-the-charts powerful.
Unless you are already having amazing sex on a regular basis, I'm willing to bet there are parts of your husband's body you have not really explored.
Do you want to turn him on?
Take your time caressing and massaging every inch of his body before you start touching his penis and testicles. From head to toe, touch him with a good mix of light caresses and deep massage. Concentrate on his body with love and passion and I would be willing to bet his arousal will be noticeable. I'm just saying.
3. Get on top.
I realize some wives have this move mastered, but many do not. Yet, it is a position that some husbands find incredibly sensuous. This could be for a variety of reasons.
My guess is that the most significant reason is it requires a wife to genuinely put some heart and effort into it -- at least if you want it to be enjoyable. In other words, when you are on top, you can't just wing it.
A woman on top tends to want to be there -- and this kind of intentional effort is apparent to the man you love and married.
Honestly, not only is it a fun position, it also is an intimate one. (Plus, some wives feel it is an easier way for them to climax because they have more control over the pressure and rhythm of movement on the clitoris).
For some of you reading this, these are tame ideas. For others of you reading this, these are pushing past boundaries you possibly had set in stone at some point.
But hey, this isn't geometry class where there are absolute answers.
You're free to come up with your own answers on what creativity looks like. You're free to play around with the angles. Maybe even throw in one of those story problems...
"If Susie and her husband Dave drove separate cars to the Chinese restaurant, and they both leave at the same time feeling emotionally connected, how long will it take them to drive home. Rip off each other's clothes. And try something new. In bed."
Hmmm. Something to think about, huh?
Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog.