Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

The Truth About Your Orgasm

I used to always think that when I finally meandered into Heaven, I would make a beeline for God to clear up all my unanswered questions.  Top of my list?

Why is it so difficult for a woman to have an orgasm?

I mean, you would think the Creator who came up with something as amazing as an orgasm could have equally made it easy to reach.  After all, what seems more appealing -- a triple-layer decadent chocolate cake that is locked behind a glass case -- or the same cake sitting smack dab in the middle of the counter?

Good Lord, if the Baker wants me to have the cake, put the darn thing on the counter.

Maybe that's not the best analogy. (Unless, of course, you really like chocolate cake. And orgasms. Which I do. On both accounts.)

When it comes to orgasm, a couple often finds themselves with one incredibly predictable penis and one less-than-responsive clitoris.

It's like the penis is always ready for a trip around the bases and the clitoris barely understands the game. (Read that again, maybe with "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights" playing in your head.  That Meatloaf. He had a way with word pictures, didn't he?)

After so much reading, praying, writing and speaking about sex, I have decided my little Q&A session with the Almighty really wouldn't be necessary.

(Might even be slightly presumptuous on my part -- cornering God on my first day in the Throne Room, interrogating Him with questions rather than simply enjoying the view.  Hard saying.)

Anyway, I think I've already figured out why a wife typically does not climax as easily as her hubby. (Don't be too impressed... I didn't commission a study or anything. I'm just  a lowly ol' housewife who loves sex).

My theory  is that when it comes to sexual intimacy, God created a situation whereby a couple would have to be incredibly intentional to have a mutually-satisfying experience.

If He had made it easy for both a husband and wife to always climax, we possibly would not put much effort into discovering all sex can be.  It's like you could lay down a bunt and always have it count as a home run. We'd never really appreciate what first, second and third base have to offer.

If He had made it difficult for both a husband and wife to climax, we possibly would give up too soon -- we'd be awash in frustration and confusion, hanging out in the dugout, never experiencing the exhilaration of crossing home plate.

Instead, He allows for authentic teamwork -- a place where both a husband and a wife together learn the complexities and simplicities -- the selfishness and selflessness -- that is required for off-the-charts lovemaking.

The truth about your orgasm?

The truth is that you as a wife bear a lot of the responsibility.

Before I met my husband, I couldn't even call myself a baseball fan (I'm really talking baseball now, people... I'm not using it as a metaphor for sex).

Seriously, I grasped the general concept of baseball, but that's about it. My husband, on the other hand, is a baseball fanatic.

So, you know what I did? I started to learn.  I started to pay attention.  I even read a bit about baseball. I started to relax and enjoy the pace of the game. Now, I love baseball.

If you never or rarely experience orgasm, do the grown-up responsible thing and learn.

Read books about sexual intimacy. Learn about your own body.  Learn what you need to be ready for sex. Give yourself permission to enjoy sex.

The truth about your orgasm?

You're gonna have to show him what to do.  For all our pre-conceived notions about sex (thank you Hollywood), a man typically does not instantly know how bring his wife to climax. That kind of info isn't just telepathically downloaded into him on your wedding day.

But, if you show him and tell him specifically what you need and what feels good -- well, game on.  Now we have something to work with.

A note to all you husbands reading this -- let go of your ego a bit and stop being offended if your wife has to show you what she needs to climax. It's not commentary on your manhood.  It's honest revelation about her body -- and it's info you need to know.

So, when she guides your hand, tells you to slow down or tells you to speed up, or in any other way expresses what she likes -- listen and learn. Penetration alone usually is not quite as successful as incorporating other techniques as well.

(If you want to learn more about getting lucky with your wife, check out what Sarah Baron of Anonymous8 has to say.)

Also, dear husbands, if what works one time doesn't work the next time, please be patient with your wife. Revel in the mystery and adventure of the journey.

A note to you wives -- be patient with your husband as he learns and tries to please you sexually.  The female body is not exactly the easiest landscape to map. It's unfair to expect him to know where to go if you don't at least give him a few road signs each time you make love.

The truth about your orgasm?

God meant for sex to be enjoyable for both a husband and a wife.  If you are paralyzed by modesty, trapped in some sort of skewed theology, haunted by past sexual promiscuity, unwilling to heal from past emotional trauma, resigned to sex being physically painful, or just plain doubtful of God's desire that you enjoy sex, it's time to start resisting lies -- and resting on the truth.

The truth about your orgasm?

God isn't the only one who wants you to enjoy sex.  I'd be willing to bet your husband wants you to enjoy it too, as I shared in my post on 3 Reasons Your Husband Likes It When You Climax.

The truth about your orgasm?

It matters.  It feels good.  It's a holy privilege to savor sex with the man you married. As I have often said, orgasm isn't everything. But it is a very strong something.

What do you think?  Please comment.  I'm going to go have some cake. (By "cake," I really mean cake, just in case you were wondering). Yummy.

Copyright 2011, Julie Sibert, Intimacy in Marriage Blog.

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May 26th, 2011 by