Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Does a Wife’s Orgasm Even Matter?

Here's a question regarding sexual intimacy:  Is a wife's orgasm even important?  Or, maybe I should ask, is it at least as important as a husband's orgasm?

Obviously, my answer is YES. I mean, honestly... I don't think God created the clitoris as an afterthought, like He had just run out of things to do and it seemed like a nice feature to toss in at the last minute.  As Christians, we celebrate the fact that He is the Creator...that everything formed of His hands is good.  So kudos to you God.  The orgasm -- for husbands and wives -- was certainly a shining moment.

This is why I was a surprised by an ABC Nightline story the other night  about Zestra and how the makers of this product can't get major networks to run ads promoting it.  Very fascinating. You really should check out the segment. Go ahead. Then come back.

Zestra, according to their materials, "was developed to provide a much needed option for all women to feel more sexually satisfied."   It is made of a patented blend of botanical oils and extracts and is sold over-the-counter.  It is used by rubbing it on the clitoris and vaginal area prior to sex.

Now, I'm not going to jump up and down one way or the other on the effectiveness of this product (more on this later, though, because we did try it).  What I am going to speak about, though, is that the makers of this stuff can't get ads for it on TV.  Quite the double-standard if you ask me, considering you can barely flip on the TV for more than 10 minutes without hearing about "four-hour erections."

I'm not dogging the makers of erectile dysfunction drugs (although, I must admit that I don't really get the couple sitting side-by-side on a grassy knoll in matching bathtubs. But I digress). 

If we strip down all of these products to a common denominator, what we find is that their purpose is aiding couples in sexual satisfaction.  Zestra could be categorized along the lines of KY's Intense, also an arousal gel.  Interestingly, KY's Intense has not run into the roadblocks that Zestra has as far as advertising.  (The Nightline segment talks about this too).

I must admit, stories like this pique my interest (no pun intended).  So, I went to my friendly Wal-Mart and bought the stuff. I have to give props to the women who developed it, because they do a very thorough and effective job explaining the product in their packaging.  Women who buy this product will feel much more at ease just reading the packaging insert.  

My husband likes it when I propose hands-on research like this.  I don't even take notes (at least not written notes).  We are already fairly adept at and thrilled with our sexual intimacy, so I can't really say that we personally have a strong need for such a product.  All that being said, though, I did like it.   I liked it better than KY's Intense... which we also have... uh... researched.

My most important point, though, is that I think it is unfortunate that there still exists this unspoken acceptance that a wife's sexual satisfaction is not as important as a husband's.  How ironic, considering that the struggle many women have with climaxing is a contributing factor to sexual intimacy being such a contentious issue in so many marriages. 

Doesn't it stand to reason that if more wives were climaxing more often, then sex probably would not be as big an issue in so many marriages?  (Yes, I know, not climaxing is certainly not the only factor, but it is definitely one of them. If you are a man reading this, consider if in your last...uh, let's say 20 sexual encounters with your wife... you rarely or never climaxed. Does the appeal of sex diminish with such a thought? You're probably driven to boredom just thinking of such a reality).

The Zestra folks have done their homework.  The product is safe.  It's been tested and researched.  The degree that it may work probably varies on a spectrum, but that is true with any sexually-related medicine or product.

I am not in the camp of declaring anything a wonder drug, because I think sexual intimacy is complex.  A married couple experiencing rich profound spiritual and physical oneness means that sex really can never be reduced simply to whether or not someone orgasms.  Likewise, though, I celebrate whenever someone uses their talents for good, as is the case with folks who developed Zestra.  If you have struggled with orgasm, consider trying Zestra.  Decide for yourself -- not only if it works for you, but also if you think more women should at least have the opportunity to know about it.

Addition since I first posted this:  The Zestra folks contacted me to say they have started a petition to send to the network executives, asking them to end the double standard in advertsing.  Check out the petition here.

Before you start to think I'm in bed with the Zestra people (come on, it's just a figure of speech), you should know that I am not receiving any money from them to say anything.  These are all my own opinions.

I just simply think we need to stop pretending that a wife's sexual satisfaction doesn't matter.  It does matters.  As I have often said, I'm not going to say that orgasm is everything; but it certainly isn't nothing either. I'm a wife. Many of you reading this are wives.  Many of you reading this are husbands.

Orgasm was designed by God, it feels good, and most wives with whom I speak who have experienced orgasm say they like it.  That should come as no news flash to anyone, and yet too often we treat a woman's climax as if it is a nice "extra" -- like leather seats or free popcorn if you buy the super slushie at the movie.  Extra?  How about we embrace a more accurate mindset.  Would anyone ever consider a man's orgasm as a "nice bonus" or a "sure, if it happens, that's good, but if not, no problem"?

We offer valid recognition to the positive impact erectile dysfunction drugs have had, particularly on men's sexual satisfaction.

Can we offer equal recognition to other products designed specifically for women?

I'm just asking.  What do you think?

September 23rd, 2010 by