Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Sex and the Soul of a Woman

Recently I wrote a few posts on promiscuity -- You Are Not Being Punished for Your Past Promiscuity and Are You Punishing Yourself or Your Spouse for Past Promiscuity.

Then I stumbled across a book I had actually bought awhile ago, but hadn't had a chance to read yet (common theme in my home...so many books, so little time).   This book rocks!  It is Sex and the Soul of a Woman: The Reality of Love & Romance in an Age of Casual Sex by Paula Rinehart.

If you are a woman who has struggled with past promiscuity and/or are struggling with promiscuity now, you owe it to yourself to run (don't walk) to your computer and order this book.

 The book particularly speaks to single Christian women, but I think married women who still are feeling the sting and confusion of their past promiscuity would greatly benefit as well.  Honestly, it has golden nuggets in it that are relevant on many levels.  So, even if you think... "Hey, I've never been promiscuous,"  I encourage you to read the book.  My guess is by the time you are done, you not only will have a great revelation of God's heart, but also will think of women in your life who will genuinely benefit from the book as well.

I had never heard of Rinehart, but I think she must have the redline to God, who clearly has used her to communicate truth in such an "aha" way.  That is a rare gift among writers.  She doesn't ramble from her own perspective, but speaks clearly with wisdom as someone who loves the Lord and who has counseled women for years.

Here are a few excerpts to reflect upon:

"The worst part of promiscuity is the sense of spiritual and emotional isolation it causes. At the very point where we need the comfort of a good Father most, we don't feel we can go to him."

"Too many men have left. She can't expect that some man would truly want to woo and win her for the long haul rather than the moment. At the bottom of her soul sits a statement perilously close to this: 'I don't deserve to be loved.'  This is where the dance between men and women loses nearly all its beauty. It's not that there's something wrong with her; it just seems that way when too many guys have come and gone. After a while, though, this self-devaluation becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. How you see youself becomes the way you invite others to see you."

"Truthfully, I know of no way out of this dark place in the forest other than turning to a love that is bigger and deeper than any man's -- the cleansing, restoring love of Jesus Christ. You can try every self-help remedy available, but none of them get to the source of the pain -- the shame of seeing yourself as less than loveable."

"Having to actually court a woman is something no man should be allowed to miss. Does it strike you what a gift it is to a guy when he has to be the one to pursue you? Men become men by doing battle with their fears, and pursuing a woman well is a process filled with man-sized risks. He must cross the floor to ask you to dance at thirteen. He picks up the phone a few years later, braced for the sound of rejection or reception of your voice. On and on the dance goes until one day he must gather the courage to stake his whole future on asking you to be his wife. At every juncture, a man feels naked and fearfully exposed, braced for the turndown. But that's the nature of fear; it only subsides when you walk straight into it."

I have to admit it...I read the book in just two days because I couldn't put it down.  They should be doling this book out on high school and college campuses...make it required reading for any woman on the verge of getting caught up in the casual sex scene.  And for women who have journeyed to that place...this book can be like a cup of cool water in a desert of heartache.

June 11th, 2010 by