Intimacy in Marriage

Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy

Initiating Sex from a Husband’s Perspective

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A big thank you to Tony DiLorenzo of for today's post! Tony and his wife Alisa have a great site full of helpful information, including podcasts, to encourage couples in their marriages. Kudos to the DiLorenzos, who speak of marriage with honor and respect. They share authentically from their own journey, which takes courage. Without further delay, be encouraged by Tony...

In the first 10 years of my marriage I could count on one hand the number of times my wife, Alisa, initiated sex. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy making love to me, it’s just she didn’t think it was her duty or obligation to initiate sex. Our sex life was a “typical” one for the most part. We made love once a week and I would make the advance or move towards sex. She had all the power at this point because either she accepted or rejected my offer.

Rejection was more often than not what occurred.

She’d spend more time than usual in the bathroom, read extra long, have some “work” to do so that I’d forget about sex and fall asleep. You know what, she won, and our love life slipped into a state of routine. Same place, same position, little passion and little connection.

Honestly, all I wanted her to do during this time was to attack me like she did when we first got together. I can remember early on when I would come through the door I’d get jumped. We would have amazing sex as we lay in our bed full from the love making session we just had. I wanted to feel needed and desired by her. Instead I felt…


Something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew our love life had to change.

In September 2008 we vowed to make a change to our love life. It all began when we embarked on a 60 Days of Sex Challenge. We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into, but we knew that whatever happened over the 60 day period would sure give us a new beginning. Instead of being rejected we…

Had deep conversations
Tried new positions
Connected spiritually
Enjoyed ourselves immensely

Over the 60 days, made love 40 times and learned a lot. Alisa came to realize the importance of initiating sex. As she began to do it more often her desire to have sex increased and the issues I had dealt with for so many years faded away.

Our sex life was renewed and rejuvenated, but old habits die hard. Once we completed the 60 Days of Sex Challenge, we slipped a bit back into our old routine. We racked our brains to figure out what we could do, but nothing came to us. While attending our church marriage retreat, our family and marriage pastors talked about their love making.

They made love twice a week. On one of three days (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) the husband initiated, and on one of three days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday) the wife initiated. On Sunday they took the day off.
This was it. This was what Alisa and I had been searching for.

We made the decision to try this and it has completely changed our marriage and our life. It’s been 10 months and we’ve been making love twice a week and loving it. We talk about having an intimacy lifestyle now, where intimacy is truly a priority on both sides of the bed. Are you ready to shake up your marriage? Make the first move tonight.

(You can follow the DiLorenzos on Facebook and Twitter @OneOnFire. They have a book coming out soon, so stay tuned!)

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May 6th, 2010 by